Am I ungrateful because DP didn’t buy the calendar I wanted before it sold out?

[Gillinggold]

I had a shit week last week and DP knew I was browsing beauty calendar’s. He asked which one I liked and I told him the name of the one I was going to buy.

He told me not to buy it and that he’d treat me to it as one of his Christmas presents to me. I was really grateful and said it sells out quick so to be aware of that.

Lo and behold, he’s gone to buy it and it’s sold out and not coming back in stock. I was annoyed, said I really had my eye on it and would have happily brought it myself as originally intended.

He says I’m being ungrateful and that it’s not his fault. Well, I told him he’d need to get a move on at the time and feel really annoyed now….

I think I must be odd too as I totally agree with you.

It would never occur to me to ask my partner to buy me something I could get myself.

I'm with you, if someone told me a calendar would sell out quickly in Sept / Oct I'd assume sorting it in a few days would be fine.

I didn’t ask him to buy me it. He said he’d get it as one of his Christmas presents to me (to be given early).

Surely you have to actually receive something to be ungrateful! He should be apologising not making stupid remarks.

But it's only October! And last week was September - it would never occur to me that I needed to buy it then and there or it would be sold out forevermore.

If it was that important, you should have ordered it then and there.

He meant that I should be grateful he kindly offered to buy me it

Sabotage? Really?

It's barely October. He probably didn't realise there was a huge rush.

I get that, but I made it clear that despite it being September, it has form for selling out that early in previous years. He said he noted that and told me not to worry.

I mean, I wouldn't be expecting advent calendars to be sold out by the 1st of October. If you told me be quick, they sell out, I'd be thinking mid November to be honest. Christmas shopping isn't remotely on my radar yet.

I just think it's a big drama about nothing. It sold out earlier than he thought - does it really matter?

260 on a Calendar 🙀🙀🙀

Or he can pay extra for it

https://ebay.us/m/gYuXDv

But why do you see the need to buy each other Christmas presents? Why don't you just buy your own things when you want/need to? That's the peculiar thing, for me, the fact that you buy each other things when you could just get them yourselves - and by doing that you'd know you'd get exactly what you want and not someone else's choice.

Isn't that any Christmas present, though - unless, say, they're a skilled (or at least keen!) artist and they're painting you an individual picture?

Children want things that they couldn't afford unless an adult buys it for them; but surely most adults ask for/want/get given things that they could have bought for themselves?

I mean, you could especially say the same about birthday cards: I could pop down the card shop, buy one I liked and then write "Happy birthday to Spray" inside; so why on earth would I want one that anybody else gave to me?!

I can't quite understand the logic - he thinks you should be grateful because he was thinking about getting you something, but then didn't? On Xmas day, tell him you were thinking about getting him a Maserati but then didn't, but isn't it the thought that counts?

Adults buying each other presents that they could easily buy for themselves seems peculiar, to me.

So how do you do Xmas presents for adults in your family? I can buy anything myself.

I don’t understand what he means by you being ungrateful? Does he know what the word means because he’s not using it right. Sounds quite incompetent in more than one area.

You’ve lost me. Why do we buy each other Christmas presents? 😂

OP
-call your local stores and see if they have any

• make a wish list online
• send him in to store with said wishlist
• or call your store and request them to put something together for you

exactly the same thing happened to me last year
on the off chance you still want one - they still have some liberty ones left :)

So you only buy presents that the other person couldn’t possibly buy themselves? Fine I suppose if one of you is a millionaire and the other’s on minimum wage, but only the minimum wager gets a present of course.

That's really annoying, you explained how quickly they get snapped up and he just thought he knew better and now he wants credit for offering when his insistence actually prevented you from having it. I bet he wouldn't be happy if the same thing happened to him.

It would never occur to me to ask my partner to buy me something I could get myself.

But how does it work, do you have some exclusive supplier that only you can use? What are those things your partner can buy, but you could not?

"He says I’m being ungrateful and that it’s not his fault."
Why would you be grateful? By him pretending saying he would get it for you, he stopped you buying it yourself whilst it was still available. He is directly responsible for you not being able to get something you wanted.

And yes, that IS his fault!

OP YANBU or ungrateful. To be ungrateful you would have actually had to receive it! You can't be ungrateful for nothing!

My ex used to do this. In fact, he used to ask me what I wanted for Christmas to make sure that I didn't get it. He used to sabotage as well. Note he's an ex.

Agree. He probably didn't realise it would sell out in a week. Neither would I tbh.