Am I ungrateful because DP didn’t buy the calendar I wanted before it sold out?

[Gillinggold]

I had a shit week last week and DP knew I was browsing beauty calendar’s. He asked which one I liked and I told him the name of the one I was going to buy.

He told me not to buy it and that he’d treat me to it as one of his Christmas presents to me. I was really grateful and said it sells out quick so to be aware of that.

Lo and behold, he’s gone to buy it and it’s sold out and not coming back in stock. I was annoyed, said I really had my eye on it and would have happily brought it myself as originally intended.

He says I’m being ungrateful and that it’s not his fault. Well, I told him he’d need to get a move on at the time and feel really annoyed now….

It wasn't gender specific. Once people accept themselves they stop trying to compete with their partner and work as a team.

@N12n

have you even read the thread? OP wanted to buy herself something nice, her husband said no he wanted to buy it for her, to treat her, she warned him to buy it quick else it’ll sell out - he couldn’t be bothered and he didn’t listen to her and he let her down. And so now Op doesn’t have her nice thing she wanted for herself. She shouldn’t just have to accept that, she can and should pull him up on it and she certainly doesn’t need to be grateful - he has done fuck all for her! She doesn’t have the calander!

I did read it. Quick summary. Partner makes a mistake (and even that is a maybe - it could have been sold out if she'd gone through to purchase it any how) - at that point she can cry over spilt milk and sabotage her relationship or behave in a manner that is more constructive such as offering ideas for an alternate gift.
One reaction is low EQ. One is high EQ. Each to their own.

@N12n

he didn’t make a mistake! He just couldn’t be arsed to order it when Op said. He shouldn’t have offered to buy it if he couldn’t be bothered to click a few buttons and buy it to avoid disappointment.

For me, it's the grateful part that would be an issue. Made a mistake, missed a sale - well, can happen. But then apologise, take responsibility and find how to make up for it. OP's partner did nothing of the sort, but said she should be grateful? And people here are saying that oh bless the poor lamb?

this! What exactly is she supposed to be grateful for??

No-one says "Oh I tried to purchase this for you but it was sold it, you should be grateful". It obviously occured as a response to her having a tantrum at him and hurt he said it as a come back. Why do you think she posted this thread - because on some level she wants validation for having had a go at him.
Come on this is not rocket science.

Why are you using the word tantrum repeatedly to belittle the OP?

And are women not allowed to vocalise when they feel let down or disappointed?

First World Problems

I guess the poster repeatedly insisting OP must have thrown a tantrum is behaving like that herself. I've been married a long time and the only people throwing tantrums in our household were DC when they were toddlers. OP maybe you can clarify, did you tantrum or did you simply express that you were disappointed?

And? It's mumsnet, I would guess most of the posters are in the first world and therefore posting their first world problems.

Or writing from a man’s perspective maybe?

I can’t believe this ridiculous debate is still going. It’s a beauty advent calendar, for God’s sake!

@laundryhamper

noone forced you to comment! If you think it’s beneath you, you can always just leave the thread alone.

She should just go for a walk... its a bloody calendar... who gives a toss

The OP. The OP gives a toss.

the fact that it’s a ‘bloody calendar’ is irrelevant really. It’s the fact he messed up, but expects gratitude.

If you try to do something nice for someone and don't manage to do it - and they have a go at you - you would probably say something similar for having tried to do something nice for them.

@N12n

hes doesn’t deserve OP’s gratitude. He could have done something nice for her he didn’t - he couldn’t be arsed. She was happy to buy it for herself. Now she’s missed out. He doesn’t deserve any gratitude.

lol

Why are some people assuming the OP had a go/went off in a huff/insert generic term that best belittles OP?
she said she told him she was annoyed - women CAN vocalise their feelings, hurt or otherwise, without ‘having a go’

Maybe some people cannot imagine expressing their feelings in other ways except by throwing a tantrum

@N12n

so you know I’m right then!

People don't post asking if they did something wrong or not when they know they didn't. The post is made because she responded in a tit for tat manner and she wants validation for behaving in a manner she knows was lacking.

@N12n

she has got validation from many, many posters though…

Giving just one side of the story - some people struggle to perceive the whole picture.This should not be surprising, Trump is president after all.