Am I ungrateful because DP didn’t buy the calendar I wanted before it sold out?

[Gillinggold]

I had a shit week last week and DP knew I was browsing beauty calendar’s. He asked which one I liked and I told him the name of the one I was going to buy.

He told me not to buy it and that he’d treat me to it as one of his Christmas presents to me. I was really grateful and said it sells out quick so to be aware of that.

Lo and behold, he’s gone to buy it and it’s sold out and not coming back in stock. I was annoyed, said I really had my eye on it and would have happily brought it myself as originally intended.

He says I’m being ungrateful and that it’s not his fault. Well, I told him he’d need to get a move on at the time and feel really annoyed now….

Yeah I'd be annoyed too

This sort of thing fucks me off especially if you warned him he needed to be quick.
my EXH used to do things like this. Notice EX.

You’re not being ungrateful and it is his fault. It’s incompetence or sabotage. You literally said you’d get it and he told you not to! What could you possibly have to be grateful for? Have you asked him that? An empty gesture and no calendar?

I’d be annoyed too. I wouldn’t have trusted him to buy it in the first place though, he’d be happily not listening to you by the time you said it sells out quickly.. (or is that just my bf)..

Tell him to buy it from Ebay

I’d have bought it anyway and if he wanted to give it to me he could send me the money. Not helpful to you sadly but you know for next time.

YANBU

I seem to be the only one but give him a break- it is the 1st October! It is still a long way from Christmas so I can understand his lack of urgency.

Ungrateful? What are you supposed to be grateful for? How is it not his fault? Can he buy the individual items in the calendar and make one for you?

Oh I had one like this! I'd tell him it would sell out fast and he would say 'oh, I'm sure there will be some left', as though I were lying to try to hurry him up. And then he wouldn't be able to get it and it would, somehow be my fault that things had gone just the way I predicted...

Can you ask for a slightly more expensive one, to get it made up to you?

exactly! Fair enough if he thought you were being over dramatic or whatever (although I disagree), at least that's relevant to the matter being discussed, but why would you be grateful - he hasn't done anything for you to be grateful for!

Same with it not being his fault - well whose fault is it then?

If you hadn't specifically mentioned it selling out the I would understand his POV - if you're not 'into' calendars you wouldn't necessarily expect them to be sold out before October. But you did and he ignored you, presumably either out of laziness or because he doesn't respect your knowledge - neither of which is great.

Spend the money you would have spent on his christmas presents on the difference between buying the items individually and in the calendar.

YABU because ‘beauty calendars’ are just ridiculous marketing ploys developed to get people to buy a load of stuff they would never normally buy with the vague hope that there would be some sort of miracle potion that will turn you into a thing of beauty.
Your Dp has done you a massive favour!

Which one was it?

There's always one....

So what if she likes them? I’m sure we all spend money on things other people would find wasteful. She wanted it and he’s stopped her from getting it.

Oh gawd, I was your DH one year. I thought my DH was bring a bit of a drama llama over his insistence that a certain Lego set would sell out. Like wtf, it’s just Lego. Big mistake. Huge. Sold out within minutes.

Difference being, I was mortified and relentlessly hunted down a resale at extortionate cost and then travelled halfway across the country to pick it up because I felt so bad at poo-poohing his earnestness. Your DH sounds like a bit of a dick putting all this on you when you clearly have grounds to be annoyed with him. Can’t stand a guy who can’t apologise when he’s messed up. He’s making you the villain and him the victim just because he can’t take being in the wrong. Ugh.

Really hope they release some more stock for you, @Gillinggold! And you make him pay for it if they do!

Let's face it, a hell of a lot of things are just ridiculous marketing ploys! Most of the stuff that people buy is stuff that they don't need. We live in a society of rampant consumerism and consumption of the unnecessary.

SpaceNK

No he hasn’t! Maybe he didn’t realise that a beauty advent calendar has to be bought in September!

I can’t disagree.

If you wanted it that badly, OP, you should have declined your DP's offer and just bought it yourself!

Adults buying each other presents that they could easily buy for themselves seems peculiar, to me. But I am probably a bit odd, to be fair.

One what? Realist?

But she's not wrong!

I mean, in his defence, it's October 1st. Did he realised "urgent" meant "within a matter of days?"

He could have pulled out his phone and bought it right that moment. Why delay when you told him stock was limited?

this feels like sabotage. Why would you be grateful?

Nice. I got the Sephora one for my daughter.
Id be upset too, if I were you, but try to find another you fancy and get it yourself and ask for the money xx