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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH leaving us for one day on hol AIBU

417 replies

Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 19:46

Me, my DH and my 4yo DD are due to fly to a European coastal resort this weekend for a week. This is a much needed holiday, I'm knackered from a long stint at work with little break. We've paid a bit more than usual as well. Not sure if that's even relevant but adds to my feelings of this is a special holiday.

Anyway, an American guy 'L' we met travelling a few years back, my husband stayed in touch with him and they've met up in the UK twice since then in the last couple of years. L, randomly is travelling around the same area whilst we are there. Today, my husband has said he wants to leave me and our DD for a whole day of the holiday to meet with his friend (+ partner who he is travelling with) this would involve a lot of travel time. He wants to do it as he may not see him again for who knows how long.

I've said no, we only have one week, if he goes off for a whole day, that leaves me solo parenting and cuts into any potential sight seeing plans we may have otherwise done.

I think my DH is being unreasonable and selfish, he thinks I am. I now feel like even if I insist no, he'd obviously rather be elsewhere and time spent with me and DD is enforced and therefore no fun for anyone anyway. I am really cross.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 30/09/2025 19:48

It s fine. The next day you take yourself off to the spa or solo sightseeing whatever you enjoy.

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 30/09/2025 19:48

Wouldn't it be easier if L and his partner come and meet you? OR, why can't you and DD go and meet them as well?

Weedinosaurus · 30/09/2025 19:49

Honestly, it’s only one day and if your DH won’t see him again for a very long time, it seems silly for him to miss out on meeting up. Is there a reason you all can’t go and meet as a family? Does it have to be DH alone?

I would suck up the one day if it would make my DH happy - but then that may be because I know that if the show was on the other foot, he would do it for me.

If he does go alone, could you negotiate some time to yourself to do something you wouldn’t otherwise be able to do?

Lanzarotelady · 30/09/2025 19:49

How much sight seeing were you planning on doing in a week?

You have your DD for the day, then as the pp says, book yourself a day out/treat etc.

It is both your holidays.

Dd is 4 - she doesn't give a monkeys about sight seeing.

Hardcheesy · 30/09/2025 19:50

Why would he go on his own? Surely you would all meet for lunch or something? You shouldn't left out.

rubyslippers · 30/09/2025 19:51

I think YABU
have a day to yourself and you still have five days together
or get the mate to meet you where you are

Squishydishy · 30/09/2025 19:51

Solo parenting a 4 yo for one day? I’m sure you’ll manage just fine

Bobiverse · 30/09/2025 19:52

Why can’t you meet up as a family? Or tell him to take DD with him then as you aren’t doing childcare on holiday while he does whatever wants. But really, he is being a selfish ass. It’s a family holiday and he can’t just swan off for a day.

Original poster
Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 19:53

Lanzarotelady · 30/09/2025 19:49

How much sight seeing were you planning on doing in a week?

You have your DD for the day, then as the pp says, book yourself a day out/treat etc.

It is both your holidays.

Dd is 4 - she doesn't give a monkeys about sight seeing.

So usually we would do a day trip like boat trip somewhere and one other day travelling to another area. Other days we tend to split between beach, pool, exploring the local area.

I guess we could all go (although that's not what was proposed) it's a huge amount of travelling for one day, which is probably beyond my DD's tolerance.

I don't really want time to myself as such, I want us to spend time together as a family.

To me, L is an acquaintance and not someone I would sacrifice a whole day of my holiday for.

OP posts:
BlueMum16 · 30/09/2025 19:54

Not sure why your not all staying together? Either you 3 go to them or they come to you?

If this can't happen surely DH can go off in the morning and be back for late afternoon. A lazy day on the beach/by the pool/DC in kids club isn't that hard.

Original poster
Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 19:55

Hardcheesy · 30/09/2025 19:50

Why would he go on his own? Surely you would all meet for lunch or something? You shouldn't left out.

It's 10 hours of travelling there and back.

OP posts:
Lanzarotelady · 30/09/2025 19:56

Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 19:53

So usually we would do a day trip like boat trip somewhere and one other day travelling to another area. Other days we tend to split between beach, pool, exploring the local area.

I guess we could all go (although that's not what was proposed) it's a huge amount of travelling for one day, which is probably beyond my DD's tolerance.

I don't really want time to myself as such, I want us to spend time together as a family.

To me, L is an acquaintance and not someone I would sacrifice a whole day of my holiday for.

Show quote history

You will have loads of time to do a boat trip, pool day, beach day, town day.

You might not want to meet him, but your husband does ( is it not his holiday as well ? )

Original poster
Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 19:57

Squishydishy · 30/09/2025 19:51

Solo parenting a 4 yo for one day? I’m sure you’ll manage just fine

Yes of course but equally why should I have to? I do it all the time, a holiday is meant to be a break for all, sharing parenting tasks makes it easier.

OP posts:
user2848502016 · 30/09/2025 19:57

It’s only one day fgs, the day after book yourself in for a massage or something so you get some time to yourself.
It’s not like it’s a friend from home that he can see any time, it could be years before they manage to see eachother again.

Greggsit · 30/09/2025 19:58

It's only one day. You may call the friend and aquaintence, but your husband obviously thinks of him as a friend. And they don't get to meet up very often. I think one day for a rare opportunity is no issue at all.

BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation · 30/09/2025 19:59

5 hours each way is barely "in the region". Technically it might be, but it's not convenient. Meeting halfway would be more sensible, even if you and DD still don't join.

Lanzarotelady · 30/09/2025 19:59

Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 19:57

Yes of course but equally why should I have to? I do it all the time, a holiday is meant to be a break for all, sharing parenting tasks makes it easier.

Show quote history

Oh for goodness sake - stop being dramatic.

You said you were tired from a long stint at work. Tire DD out in the morning, get her to sleep then have a sleep yourself.

ErrolTheDragon · 30/09/2025 20:00

Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 19:55

It's 10 hours of travelling there and back.

Show quote history

That’s a ridiculous amount of time to travel to meet up with what sounds like a fairly casual friend.

If your DH is likely to sulk or be stroppy if he doesn’t go then probably best he does but absolutely it’s him who is BU.

FrauPaige · 30/09/2025 20:01

I think that it's inconsiderate of him to suggest this. It's a holiday that you badly need and have been looking forward to. I don't think it's an unreasonable desire to hope that your husband is looking forward to the holiday with you and couldn't imagine being away from you for this period.

Surely he can jump on a plane an visit with the American some other time?

TheCurious0range · 30/09/2025 20:01

If it's 10 hours travelling is he then going to be shattered the next day too?
10 hours isn't close by! Could you dh fly home a day later? Or could they come nearer to you, somewhere you'd like to go anyway a historical site etc you can then spend the time with them but not lose a day . Less travel and I'd be a lot more amenable but 10 hrs in a day you could fly n to the US in that time

ErrolTheDragon · 30/09/2025 20:01

Lanzarotelady · 30/09/2025 19:59

Oh for goodness sake - stop being dramatic.

You said you were tired from a long stint at work. Tire DD out in the morning, get her to sleep then have a sleep yourself.

Show quote history

Are there really 4 yos who will get tire enough to sleep in the afternoon on holiday? Mine wouldn’t have for sure.

PatsFruitCake · 30/09/2025 20:01

OP you sound very sulky about this. Just because you don't want to see L why should your DH miss out? It's only one day.

budgiegirl · 30/09/2025 20:02

If you think he would do the same for you under the came circumstances, while I wouldn't be over the moon about it, I wouldn't stop him going, as it's a friend he doesn't get to see very often.

But I would definitely expect some time to myself on another day. It doesn't have to be for long, but a few hours of reading my book by the pool would be lovely.

Original poster
Clareat2021 · 30/09/2025 20:02

Lanzarotelady · 30/09/2025 19:59

Oh for goodness sake - stop being dramatic.

You said you were tired from a long stint at work. Tire DD out in the morning, get her to sleep then have a sleep yourself.

Show quote history

Yes exactly tired from a long stint at work, my child doesn't nap so yeah, that's not how it will work.

OP posts:
helpfulperson · 30/09/2025 20:02

Given the 10 hours travel I think how you and your husband view this person is very different. To you he may be a casual acquaintance but to your husband he is an important friend.