DH leaving us for one day on hol AIBU

[Clareat2021]

Me, my DH and my 4yo DD are due to fly to a European coastal resort this weekend for a week. This is a much needed holiday, I'm knackered from a long stint at work with little break. We've paid a bit more than usual as well. Not sure if that's even relevant but adds to my feelings of this is a special holiday.

Anyway, an American guy 'L' we met travelling a few years back, my husband stayed in touch with him and they've met up in the UK twice since then in the last couple of years. L, randomly is travelling around the same area whilst we are there. Today, my husband has said he wants to leave me and our DD for a whole day of the holiday to meet with his friend (+ partner who he is travelling with) this would involve a lot of travel time. He wants to do it as he may not see him again for who knows how long.

I've said no, we only have one week, if he goes off for a whole day, that leaves me solo parenting and cuts into any potential sight seeing plans we may have otherwise done.

I think my DH is being unreasonable and selfish, he thinks I am. I now feel like even if I insist no, he'd obviously rather be elsewhere and time spent with me and DD is enforced and therefore no fun for anyone anyway. I am really cross.

You say ‘casual acquaintance’, I’m thinking Brokeback Mountain sort of situation!

How many blokes go to these sorts of lengths to ditch their family and meet up with some random they met on holiday????

Stop trying to enforce family fun.

Thanks that's helpful.

Imagine the resentment of him disappearing from their holiday.

I can’t believe people are saying OP has to let him to keep him happy. Him going is equally bad in the OP’s mind.

The solution is easy. The other couple can come and visit you all. If they don’t feel it’s worth making the journey, then it isn’t worth him making the journey. If they don’t have a child to worry about then the travel shouldn’t be a problem to them.

This is where MN gets wild.

I’m getting Brokeback Mountain vibes here.

You know what, I think if my husband wanted to leave our already short holiday to travel to the other side of the country in favour of spending time with a very loose acquaintance I'd feel really disappointed.

I'm a big girl and can entertain myself. My husband and I have plenty of trips away without one another. But our joint holidays are to spend time together.

If they were actually in the same place then fair enough, but a 10hr round trip (plus the time spent actually seeing said acquaintance) isn't in the same place at all.

I was all for saying yabu but a 10 hour round trip on a family holiday? Nope.

I'd be livid, OP, and I'm not one who automatically sides with wives who feel hard done by (the numerous 'men and hobby' threads we see on here, I often side with the men!) This is nonsense, though. Ten hours round trip for an aquaintance? I'd be absolutely putting my foot down NO.

A holiday with you, sounds hard work.

It does seem pretty odd though, doesn't it?

This ^ would be my feeling too.

OP, this trip looks for me like anything is better then staying with wife and child for a day, even if it’s a 10 hours round trip.

Generally our marriage is solid, we compromise mostly and support each other to do our own things.

Honestly @Clareat2021 it is 1 day. Your dh isn't expecting you to do anything in tterms of travelling so im not sure i see the issue really, just swap your itinerary round so the day is a beach/pool day for you and your dc and then do the sightseeing stuff another day.

You are very much me...me...me in your posts, it's very much about you and your holiday, but it is your dh's holiday too and you both should be able to do things you want to do.

I get having it sprung on you is a bit irritating but you are massively overreacting.

Why?

Yes it usually is 🎉

Same. Is there something else going on?

To me, L is an acquaintance and not someone I would sacrifice a whole day of my holiday for.

Your husband feels differently and clearly sees him as a friend. I think you're unreasonable on this.

In that case I guess one of you will have to give in. If he does go then he can do the lion’s share the next day and maybe you do some shopping or solo activity. Family holidays are precious and it’s annoying he is giving up one day for this acquaintance. Quite odd behaviour. But don’t ruin your holiday because of this. For your sake not his.

Hmmm.. I get why you are irked about this.

what’s so special about this guy that uiru DH would travel 5 hours 😳😳😳 to see him?

surely that’s not as long as it took you to get to your holiday destination,

why can’t friend and wife travel to you, if its
that important?

A 10 hour round trip I am going to suggest will take up more than one day of your holiday.

You’ll probably spend more than 1 day on mumsnet moaning about it. More than the 1 day itself that husband is meeting up with a friend. 1 day!! I really couldn’t get this worked up about it. Just plan something nice with your child and enjoy being with them and not at work

I voted YANBU, because a 10 hour round trip for a one week family holiday is extreme. Personally, I wouldn't say no, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be disappointed.

My only other concern is that it will be a very long day for your DH, especially if he is driving. 10 hours of travelling, and then the time actually spent seeing the friend. He is likely to be back late, and then this one day extends into 2, as he will be too tired the next day. Of course that may not be the case for your DH, but it would concern me.

I think you are 100% right to feel aggrieved. First of all how did this all come together, that DH knew L would be 10hrs away (WTF) at the same time as your holiday? DH has some neck to want to spend the entire day travelling and meeting this friend, what's the real story there?

I'd compromise by saying you would all meet up in a town near to where you are staying. L+P don't have kids with them so their ability to travel is much easier. Your DH's answer is all you need to know.

I'd say this was well planned and only said to you last minute.

You could always invite L and his/her partner if one exists, to your home town when you return, since they are in Europe anyway and might like the adventure.

Completely agree with you, OP. Ten hours of travel on a week's holiday is crazy. He will be shattered the next day .