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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reciprocating a play date with super rich couple - feel uncomfortable

489 replies

partytimed · 30/09/2025 08:34

Our DC go to a few paying school. We are financially ok but we stretch to pay the fees, my GP salary is spent purely on school fees and my husbands salary pays the mortgage and all other expenses. We chose to do that and are happy with that. However one thing I’ve become aware of if the massive wealth at the school. We are both doctors in the NHS and definitely among the “poorer” parents at the school, most are in finance. This hasn’t bothered me really but our DD was invited to a play date with a friend and the couple lived in a mansion, 7 bedroom, pool etc. I found it intimidating, I told my DH and he thinks I’m being foolish and I know I am, but I can’t help how I feel and that we will be judged for our perfectly nice three bedroom semi detached house.

Now we need to reciprocate the play date and I feel anxious about it. The parents are lovely but quite money focussed and I don’t want them to talk about us with other super rich parents at the school. So far we have socialised with others more on our level and even though many have bigger houses they seem down to earth but this couple are next level and I feel awkward about having them over. How can I manage this?

OP posts:
didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 30/09/2025 08:36

Could you look on Airbnb and hire the biggest house available for the play date? Or claim you are only living in your current house while you are completely renovating your mansion?

Bellevue858 · 30/09/2025 08:36

There will always be someone richer than you, and someone poorer. Does it really matter?!

Hurumphh · 30/09/2025 08:37

You don’t have to reciprocate at all if you don’t want to. You could meet in a park or public place instead? Offer to pick their kid up as company for yours because you’re going out somewhere.

Or have them over, but use it as a lesson for yourself to learn to feel your anxiety and reassure yourself that you’re okay. Might get easier with practice. Character building.

SunnyCoco · 30/09/2025 08:38

If people are unkind enough to judge someone for their wealth then that's their problem not yours.

Also you're just assuming this might happen, nobody has actually said anything mean?
Don't restrict your childs friendships over something that's all in your mind x

SheherazadesSpringNonsense · 30/09/2025 08:38

Why do you think they are ‘money focussed’? I’m sure they are aware that some people have more money than others. In the same way that you don’t think badly of other people who have a smaller house than you. Do you? Just have the child over, give them a nice tea and don’t think any more about it.

Original poster
partytimed · 30/09/2025 08:39

I don’t want to reciprocate. My DH has said it’s rude not to. I’m not normally insecure about things like this but it’s the massive disparity and I do feel like they’ll be judging us.

OP posts:
stayathomegardener · 30/09/2025 08:40

In this day and age with NHS waits there’s a huge amount of cachet in having Dr friends.
DD was friends with a Doctors daughter at school and her parents were very generous with medical guidance over the years.
We were in a better position financially but the relationship was very balanced, I am still grateful to them 20 years later.

Original poster
partytimed · 30/09/2025 08:40

The reason I think they’re money focussed is because of how they talk about their house and the husband’s salary, they are very proud of it and seem to move in very wealthy circles.

OP posts:
FrothyCothy · 30/09/2025 08:41

We don’t have the fee paying school issue but we do have a house that looks like it’s falling down so rarely reciprocate play dates unless it’s families we know really well, as I don’t love having people over. Instead we tend to offer to take the kids out for the day instead.

GreenGodiva · 30/09/2025 08:41

Honestly I think not reciprocating will create a ton more judgement. As others have said, you don’t need to invite the kids to your house if you don’t want to. Take them to a play centre/park/swimming/cinema.

PIPERHELLO · 30/09/2025 08:42

They are probably intimidated about your intelligence and prestigious/respected job.

You need to lose the under confidence!! Sorry don’t mean to be harsh! It probably makes you a great, less arrogant GP! But lose it elsewhere.

Original poster
partytimed · 30/09/2025 08:43

it was a whole family invitation with lunch whilst the children played so I feel to properly reciprocate I would need to do the same not just take their kids to the park. I agree not doing it will cause judgment as well I just know it’s going to be really awkward.

OP posts:
MayaPinion · 30/09/2025 08:43

Good grief - you’re both doctors! You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Everyone already knows that you are both super smart and comfortably off, even if you’re not super rich. The rich people already know roughly how much you make. They know you’re not super wealthy, but your kids are friends, they know you’re good people, and they’re probably thrilled their child wants to spend time with yours.

theleafandnotthetree · 30/09/2025 08:43

partytimed · 30/09/2025 08:40

The reason I think they’re money focussed is because of how they talk about their house and the husband’s salary, they are very proud of it and seem to move in very wealthy circles.

Well that sounds like their problem, you don't need to view yourselves threw their (crappy) worldview. You are doctors for God's sake! Intelligent, educated, useful. But even if you were none of those things, you still would have no need to feel like anything other than a person of value getting through the days like us all.

WrylyAmused · 30/09/2025 08:43

In fact you're judging them.
You're judging that because they have more money, they'll think and act a certain way. You've offered no evidence for it, it's just arising from your insecurities.

Edited to add: one can be proud of what one has achieved (job, seniority , money) without looking down on others who have different paths or made different choices - and if they are proud of it, it suggests that they didn't come from money and are still adjusting to the novelty of it, so should understand about having less perfectly well.

If they did judge, that would say more about them than it does about you, and should be ignored.

Currently, you're penalising their child for their parents having more money than you - which you should realise is both ridiculous and something you would hate if people penalised your child for how much money you & DH have.

So please take a deep breath, give yourself a shake, and get on with reciprocating. It's a play date. The important thing is the children having fun. And people's lives are enriched by having contacts with people different to them, in all walks of life.

awakeandasleep · 30/09/2025 08:44

Maybe the other family feel anxious that you are more educated and have a more wholesome life. Two doctors in the family is a priceless commodity that you can't put a value on. Hold your head high, a big house and money are not necassarily the things that people value. Your family will always be respected for the contributions you give to society.

MayaPinion · 30/09/2025 08:45

The ONLY thing you need to be worried about is if they start pulling their trousers down in the middle of lunch so you can inspect their haemorrhoids 😁

LoftyRobin · 30/09/2025 08:45

I have friends who have a massive complex about being the poor kids in a private school. They think it is the worst thing you can be. Much better off in a school where you have a similar lifestyle to a good amount of your peers. Even if it means buying a house in an area with good state schools.

But they went without nearly all holidays, fancy gifts, toys and lots of fun to pay the school fees and neither have jobs that they couldn't have gotten with a state education. The brother has huge baggage from it and never feels up to scratch.

Swiftie1878 · 30/09/2025 08:45

partytimed · 30/09/2025 08:34

Our DC go to a few paying school. We are financially ok but we stretch to pay the fees, my GP salary is spent purely on school fees and my husbands salary pays the mortgage and all other expenses. We chose to do that and are happy with that. However one thing I’ve become aware of if the massive wealth at the school. We are both doctors in the NHS and definitely among the “poorer” parents at the school, most are in finance. This hasn’t bothered me really but our DD was invited to a play date with a friend and the couple lived in a mansion, 7 bedroom, pool etc. I found it intimidating, I told my DH and he thinks I’m being foolish and I know I am, but I can’t help how I feel and that we will be judged for our perfectly nice three bedroom semi detached house.

Now we need to reciprocate the play date and I feel anxious about it. The parents are lovely but quite money focussed and I don’t want them to talk about us with other super rich parents at the school. So far we have socialised with others more on our level and even though many have bigger houses they seem down to earth but this couple are next level and I feel awkward about having them over. How can I manage this?

Stop being silly about it, and invite them over! If there’s any gossiping afterwards, you’ve found out quickly what sort of people they are.
More likely they’ll be lovely, and could become good friends!

Comedycook · 30/09/2025 08:45

partytimed · 30/09/2025 08:40

The reason I think they’re money focussed is because of how they talk about their house and the husband’s salary, they are very proud of it and seem to move in very wealthy circles.

I wouldn't reciprocate a playdate if they are like this.

OneAmusedShark · 30/09/2025 08:46

If there are other parents at the school who are in a similar situation to you, I’m sure these parents will have encountered them and been gracious.

We’re not private school, but the school is quite mixed. We have a small house with a garden and some of DC’s friends who live in flats have come to tea and said we live in a “mansion” because we have 3 bedrooms and a garden!

It’s all relative… don’t worry about it and for goodness’ sake don’t tell lies about your situation as some have suggested.

Ineedanewsofa · 30/09/2025 08:46

How old are the kids? The family invite makes it sound like they are quite young? I think at primary age it’s often sensible to do the first playdate in a way that allows you to meet the parents if the other child but I wouldn’t expect to keep socialising as whole families afterwards.
Maybe make the offer but be clear you’re happy to have the child at yours/take them out somewhere without the parents?

R0ckandHardPlace · 30/09/2025 08:47

Imagine how much worse you’d feel if your DH was a bus driver and you didn’t work.

You’re being ridiculous. You are a GP for crying out loud! You are worth a thousand of some materialistic flash Harry who works in finance. Why are you measuring your worth by house size when you literally save lives day in day out?

Hold your head up high and know your worth! I really despair of this Instagram generation who value great cars and houses over great people.

Yeppppp · 30/09/2025 08:48

Honestly, I’d just go with the flow. If they talk about you, they talk about you. There’s no sign they will - you say they seem ok.

Ginisatonic · 30/09/2025 08:49

Did you like them and could they become friends? If yes, I’d invite the family. If not, just invite the child out on a cinema trip or similar.