Reciprocating a play date with super rich couple - feel uncomfortable

[partytimed]

Our DC go to a few paying school. We are financially ok but we stretch to pay the fees, my GP salary is spent purely on school fees and my husbands salary pays the mortgage and all other expenses. We chose to do that and are happy with that. However one thing I’ve become aware of if the massive wealth at the school. We are both doctors in the NHS and definitely among the “poorer” parents at the school, most are in finance. This hasn’t bothered me really but our DD was invited to a play date with a friend and the couple lived in a mansion, 7 bedroom, pool etc. I found it intimidating, I told my DH and he thinks I’m being foolish and I know I am, but I can’t help how I feel and that we will be judged for our perfectly nice three bedroom semi detached house.

Now we need to reciprocate the play date and I feel anxious about it. The parents are lovely but quite money focussed and I don’t want them to talk about us with other super rich parents at the school. So far we have socialised with others more on our level and even though many have bigger houses they seem down to earth but this couple are next level and I feel awkward about having them over. How can I manage this?

I guess it depends on the school. I’ve never encountered anything like that at the school mine go to.
ETA and I think that anecdote probably says more about your friend than it does about private school parents in general.

Even after reading your update, I'm entirely bewildered by your post. My kids were state educated, but it never once crossed my mind that private school parents would be nicer. Why would they be?
If anyone had pushed me to express an expectation of what a private school parent would be like, I'd probably have described these people! (But been aware that I was probably being unfair)

Having had children at both state school and private school, in my experience there are arseholes at both and nice people at both!

The nearest I've come to this was with my NCT friends. After we had our babies, three of us decided to meet up once a week at each others houses. Which is when I discovered that they both had wonderful homes and lifestyles, while I lived in a small semi and struggled to make it to the end of the month, financially.

It meant nothing. Would I have liked their lifestyles? Absolutely. Was I ashamed of mine? Not at all. And not for a second did I feel judged by them.

Hi! I saw this of FB and had to join Mumsnet to comment! I think reciprocating for your daughter would be nice for her to have a friend over so she can show off her room/toys (kids don’t care!!) but as for the parents, talk about you and your husband and being doctors. Honestly I think that’s far more impressive!! You and your husband safe lives (I’m currently going through cancer treatment so in massive awe of all doctors and nurses - thank you!!) I personally feel living humbly is something to be more proud of. Also, there is always someone that has more money or a bigger house, it doesn’t matter. I thought I had a nice big house, until a friend came over and called it ‘cozy’ 😂 everyone has their own perspective! Imagine how much maintenance and cleaning a 7 bed house has. Please don’t fret, be proud of what you have and what you’ve achieved. Remember, sometimes it’s all just talk, not everything is always as shiny as it appears, there could be cracks there they’re trying to cover and pretend all is happy when it might not be. 🤷‍♀️ But even if they are perfect, and happy, who cares, you guys are doctors!!! Far FAR more impressive than anything else in my opinion. ❤️

Dont be silly, you are limiting your child's friendships. We have plenty of friends who are far healthier than us, we have some who dont have as much as us. We are friends, it does not matter a jot, we dont care, nor do they.

I can see how focused on money you are… Drs’ working conditions are horrendous. Their salary has depleted massively in real terms. They don’t earn enough. Chances are you’ll need one one day and I hope you appreciate them when you do.

Saying GPs’ working conditions are ‘horrendous’ is pure hyperbole. They’re not working down the mines 🙄

Your comparison is ridiculous, moreso your lack of empathy. I do think it’s ‘horrendous’ to be understaffed, overstretched, stripped of resources, have your salary reduced in real terms for years on end, whilst at the same time be resented and blamed for things not within your control.

Well, that’s your opinion.

I agree with you, and I hope your treatment goes well.

I agree with daddysgirlnot, doctors and nurses and medical/science researchers are massively underpaid. They’re the true heroes and sadly until they’re properly needed, a lot of the time their hard work, sacrifices they made to get where they are and to be able to do what they do, goes unnoticed and unappreciated. Personally I’m more impressed with an end of terrace doctor than a banker earning £500k with a 7 bed house, but that’s a topic for another thread! 😅 x

This just shows you how insicure they are.
I think they might actually enjoy liaising with you as it reminds them how richer they are! Check if this is true and shows with the daughter, that is she continues to tell your daughter how wealthier she is, how her house and toys are better etc. if this happens I will stop the friendship. Otherwise, I would just continue the play dates and let them enjoy feeling wealthy, they probably have not much more to be happy about

Can’t imagine how stressful being a doctor must be. If you fuck up the consequences are grave. They are underpaid for what they do.

A family member narrowly escaped death she is convinced her cancer stress related from being a gp