Not to want to travel 3hrs to see my in laws at 7mo pregnant?

[amaliabnt]

DH has suggested we go and stay with his parents (about a 3-hour drive away) for 2 nights when I’ll be around 7 months pregnant, with our 4yo. Normally we only go once a year at Christmas, but this year we’re not going as by then we’ll have a very fresh newborn. My husband definitely wants to go with our 4yo (as opposed to just him alone) and our DC wouldn’t be happy spending 2 nights away from me, it would be stressful for DC, and in turn for me.

I don’t have a dangerous relationship with MIL, nothing abusive, but she can be very difficult and makes toxic comments. A few examples: before we conceived she would constantly say “are you pregnant yet?” knowing we were struggling; during my first pregnancy she joked she’d turn up at the hospital to “steal the baby”; she had a tantrum that I wanted DH at the birth; then later another tantrum that I hadn’t breastfed long enough. She’s also been pushy and critical when she stayed overnight at ours, so I avoid that now.

For context, my pregnancy has been straightforward so far, but I just don’t feel like a 3-hour drive, plus two nights dealing with MIL, at that stage. DH says it’s only two nights and we rarely go, but they already visit us once a month for the day.

So, AIBU to say no to this trip at 7 months pregnant, or should I just grit my teeth and go along with it?

Sorry for a bit of a long post, I’ve tried to include all the details so as not to drip feed (although I’m sure inevitably something will come up that I’ve forgotten to mention)

I think if you don't want to go just say you don't want to go. The excuse of the pregnancy comes across as just that.

Quite. Grown, capable adults do not need to facilitate, or even to encourage, the relationships of other grown, capable adults. They are more than able to do that for themselves and don't require a personal adminstrator (wife-worker) to do it for them.

I’d love to hear this story from MiLs point of view! 🤣

I wouldn't go.
He can risk bring his child.
I wouldn't ever be staying with his awful mother again.

It’s normal for children (and mums) to miss each other when apart. But to refuse to let them go with their dad to see their grandparents isn’t healthy.

My daughter’s grandparents live on the other side of the country. She goes with my ex-partner 1/2 a year . She gets a bit worried about being away but I put on a brave face and she’s fine. I can be sad when she’s gone. She was four when she started this and is nearly seven now.

Having your child be unable to spend time away from you is going to be difficult in the long run. As others have said- what if you need time in hospital? That’s going to be more upsetting than if you’ve done it before.

@amaliabnt Kindly, OP, I think this.

@amaliabnt also this.

Totally agree but in addition from this site it seems that a lot of mothers are very possessive about their children, maybe having a couple of days away with his child and having unsupervised responsibility will be good for him, and the child.

And the husband's too. Has he ever been allowed to have sole responsibility for his child or has the OP hovered in the background, making sure he did everything her way?

Tbf I think by "support the relationship" PPs meant "not sabotage it by putting conditions on when and where he can and can't visit them, and whether or not he can take his child to his parents".
By discounting the option of sending DH and DC off without her she is not supporting it, even in a very hands off way. It's not being a "wife worker" whatever that is, it's just being normal and not causing extra trouble for your loved one.

That's really unhealthy for your child, if they can't handle a night or two away from you.

i did not travel to see anyone during my pregnancies. Pregnant women don’t need to be traveling any more than necessary. Make them come visit you if they want to see you. Also, don’t send your child if Mom and child aren’t comfortable with that. I had home births and never separated from my children to have a baby. My kids remained in our home the entire time. The in-laws don’t run the show or get to force a pregnant woman to cater to them. It should be the other way around. Their role is to support her and cater to her and her child.

What example are you setting your son? In 20 years time he can confidently say "We don't need to visit my mum she never bothered with dads parents".

I don’t understand. The son in this situation is perfectly at liberty to see his mum. It’s OP who isn’t fussed.

It appears the DH won’t take his child without OP there?

Or more likely has never been allowed to parent solo so wouldn’t have the confidence to take the child to his parents alone.

Why do you visit just once a year normally / when not pregnant? 3hrs away doesn't justify that unless you have some other reason for not wanting to visit. Interested to know more.
If your DH has a happy relationship with his parents, how does he feel about visiting them so infrequently?

Never *been allowed". Odd phrase. I don't allow is disallow my husband to parent solo. Its mostly upto him unless I need the time for something.

Why is it always a woman's fault if a man doesn't do something?

Why on earth have you resurrected a 3 month old thread?!

Take deep breaths... in... out... in... out.

Its not always clear particularly to new users.

The date on the thread is a clue…