Wife's non-spend anniversary

[CosyCoralCrab]

Am I being unreasonable to be slightly p*ssed off?
Just back from our 19th wedding anniversary dinner, the norm when we go out is that she buys the pre-drinks, I buy dinner and drinks with dinner, she pays the tip and then we usually go for an after dinner drink she pays for.
While waiting for a table we sat at the bar on high stools, 2 pints, "sorry my handbag is all the way down there". Ok.
We had a nice dinner and they do good cocktails at this place which we had earlier remarked on, but no dice, so we just got the bill.
When it was time for a tip (no option on the card machine) it was "oh, I only have €50s" so I paid the tip in cash.
We usually go afterwards to a local very quiet pub, but she didn't want to. That's OK. But it meant she hadn't put her hand in her pocket all night.
I pay the mortgage, the grocery bills, gas and electricity, insurance etc. She worked in the home for years which was great for the kids, but is back in paid work 2 years and doing very well, got a promotion so now earns about 2/3rds of my net salary but we have not adjusted the split of bills etc.
AIBU?

What a tedious way to live.

You've been married 19 years and you still have totally separate finances, to the point you can fall out with your wife over who spends what in one evening? Yeah, YABU.

I voted YABU just because I couldn’t live like this - with such a prescriptive definition of who pays what.

If you’re married, why is your money so separated anyway?

I've also paid €750 a few weeks ago for a new clutch in her car which went on the credit card

Adjust the split of bills, in a calm moment one day.
Don't sulk over the odd evening's expenditure, that is so cheap and cringey. She's your long term wife, not a first tinder date

Yabu

Fgs tell her to ltb

More fool you I’m afraid

How can you be married for 19 years and still consider it your and her money??? Weird...

But she is going to get her handbag nicked if she sits on a high stool leaving it on the ground.

I actually don't think there's anything wrong with having separate current accounts when you both work but if you do bills should be proportionate from a separate joint account or something. I have been married almost as long and would never be so petty as to squabble over who pays for drinks.

We haven't fallen out.
No, no joint accounts but that was a decision we both made 20+ years ago and it usually works well.

You are a married couple. Why on earth are you like this with money. Ive been with dp for 12 years, sometimes he pays when we go out, sometimes I pay.

@CosyCoralCrab what are the chances you'll make it to your next anniversary?

Yes YABU - Your wife deserves a medal for putting up with you for 19 years. I can’t imagine being married to someone so stingy.

Don’t you understand the concept of marriage? Or did you forget the bit about sharing all your worldly goods?

Not sulking just seeking opinions 😀

Surely there is no 'usual arrangement' considering she spent many years in the home non earning?

Why haven't you asked her why the 'usual arrangement; didn't happen?

Or just reach down and pass her handbag to her?

Or just let things lie because she worked for seventeen years in the home and has only had her 'own' money for the last couple of years and might be saving it for something she's wanted for years.

YABU.

I'd be happy with that arrangement 😉

I think you're getting a hard time here. Now she's working she should be putting her hand in her pocket if you've agreed as a couple to keep your finances separate. (However unusual that decision is).

As another poster has said, in a calm moment revisit how bills are split but don't bring this into the conversation.

Pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty good. I'm not stupid enough to say anything 😀

is that a one-way street though?

Well thank you for a well reasoned response.

This is so odd. There's no I pay/he pays in my marriage. One of us technically taps the card, but it's the same money.

It’s sad after 19 years of marriage you can’t have this conversation with your partner? Why let it fester, just ask why the dynamic changed?

Our anniversary last week I bought the drinks while he parked the car and popped to the bank. He paid for the meal and drinks. I'd bought him a pair of trousers he wanted. He bought me flowers .

I've no idea who came out ahead financially, we just enjoyed a lovely meal.

You're unhappy enough to be whinging on here though.

I'd take a lifetime of being utterly single over an anniversary dinner where who pays for what is preplanned down to the very last drink and tip.