Wife's non-spend anniversary

[CosyCoralCrab]

Am I being unreasonable to be slightly p*ssed off?
Just back from our 19th wedding anniversary dinner, the norm when we go out is that she buys the pre-drinks, I buy dinner and drinks with dinner, she pays the tip and then we usually go for an after dinner drink she pays for.
While waiting for a table we sat at the bar on high stools, 2 pints, "sorry my handbag is all the way down there". Ok.
We had a nice dinner and they do good cocktails at this place which we had earlier remarked on, but no dice, so we just got the bill.
When it was time for a tip (no option on the card machine) it was "oh, I only have €50s" so I paid the tip in cash.
We usually go afterwards to a local very quiet pub, but she didn't want to. That's OK. But it meant she hadn't put her hand in her pocket all night.
I pay the mortgage, the grocery bills, gas and electricity, insurance etc. She worked in the home for years which was great for the kids, but is back in paid work 2 years and doing very well, got a promotion so now earns about 2/3rds of my net salary but we have not adjusted the split of bills etc.
AIBU?

Are you married or are you flatmates?

Assuming you both respected each other, should be no problem. If she buys a motorcycle or you a horse out of the joint account, that’s a problem. You discuss with each other, one hopes?

Tbh I wouldn’t have picked up on the car/ motorcycle point if pps hadn’t pointed it out! OP making heavy weather of having paid for “her” clutch but it was the only car! The car that does everything for the family.

If money is tight, maybe having a motorbike isn’t affordable?

How pathetic. Utterly pathetic, do people live like this? Irony of celebrating an anniversary when you shouldn’t even be together.

Please tell me this isn't true?

Like I already said, the motorbike is cheaper to run than a second car. It cost me €3000 five years ago. The car is a '04 Corolla we've owned since 2007. This is not exactly petrolhead heaven but it does the job

You can have allocated monthly personal spend which comes out of the joint account after pay day and goes into individual accounts for the month ahead. That’s what we do. So that’s for individual clothes, personal items, socialising etc. We have a joint account but I don’t want my DH asking me why I chose to buy a £30 shampoo sometimes. If someone needs more money one month I.e. for a trip with friends, then discuss it.

Presumably the car is used for the family, whereas the motorbike is form you personally. Good grief you don't get it at all

Maybe the op going on at his wife about paying for ‘her clutch’ tipped her over the edge, and she’s been lying in bed thinking of the 90 million trips for their kids and their food shops and their house things etc done in her car using her clutch with her husband thinking himself generous and was filled with rage and could not bring herself to get her wallet out on the 19th wedding anniversary of her husband congratulating himself for his generosity to his family by paying for ‘her clutch’ but not expecting to buy her a drink.

The job being the school run, traveling to see family, schlepping the kids to clubs etc?

If you dont put all your money into a joint pot for both your benefits, you have effectively put a price on your kids. How much have you bohght them for?
Jesus. And he would not be impressed either.

No

Because you'd only put INTO the joint account the money which was required for JOINT payments

And the credits would be proportionate to your incomes

No he hasn't.

It sounds like she has money problems you should discuss.

Fascinating. All these posts and your only response is to defend your motorbike 😂

I've been married 19 years and couldn't tell you "who paid" for the last meal out we had. Who the fuck keeps tabs like that after NINETEEN YEARS?!

This I think sums it up. Your motorbike for you is cheaper and you look after that.

we already now that when the car gets damaged you consider to be giving her money from your pot to cover it

yet I suspect the car is a family asset and often used by all of you

You need a long hard chat about all of this because resentment grows

Do your kids benefit from your motorbike? Do you use it to pick them up from school, drive them to activities, buy groceries, take them on a weekend trip somewhere?

If yes, and you and your motorbike do this to the same level as the car, then you might have a point.

Otherwise, you are expecting your wife to pick up the tab for a family expense i.e. car while you add nothing of value to the family transport (since a motorbike can only be used by you).

If keeping separate finances, much fairer would be you share the car expenses between you and the motorbike remains your responsibility.

Pool all your finances and both use the shared cards. Easy. She’s taking the piss. Stop her now.

Maybe she’s saving up for her fuck it fund

I would be if I had to think about who pays for what all the time after that long

Have you even read the thread?

My DH is unfortunately the tightest person I have ever met. He made me cook solely on the hob for two years because he wouldn’t buy a new oven (he could afford it, I couldn’t).

But even he pays for every dinner we have out (which isn’t often - see the comment re: his stinginess above!).

I agree but at the same time, OP pays all bills whilst wife earns 2/3 of his salary all for herself???
Wife seems a bit too much entitled. Time for discussion re sharing household responsibilities

I think that's a weird way to organise finances after 19 years together! I wouldn't care as it's all shared money in the end. We would use our joint account to pay for an evening like that.
Have friends like you who are always 'owing' each other money ( 30 years together, 2 kids, several pets, a house together) and Vemo-ing each other $6.50 because he bought an extra round so she owes him blah blah blah! I don't know how they don't go mad.

And agree with others - if the finances have changed so much sit down and discuss a fairer split of bills etc.