To think of your child is 5+ and still can’t behave in public, you’re the problem?

[ThatDeepGoose]

I understand developmental delays, this isn’t about that. It’s about basic manners not being taught.

if

People have very different ideas about what counts as behaving in public, what kind of stuff are we talking about?

It depends. My 6 year old is usually impeccably behaved out of the house (not so much inside of it but hey ho) but a few weeks ago she LOST it in a supermarket. I can honestly say she's never had a tantrum outside of our house before, not even as a toddler.
Any one seeing that snippet of our lives would have judged me no doubt.

Oh lordy can anyone else be bothered? I can't

I'm in my 40s and sometimes I behave badly outside of the house. I don't consider myself to have a problem, merely to be a human with pretty average emotions. Same for children.

Things like screaming for attention, running around in restaurants, hitting siblings in the supermarket while the parents just shrug. Not taking about toddlers or kids with additional needs, just when there’s clearly no structure or follow-through at home.

That’s the beauty of a forum, you don’t have to engage if it’s not for you. No hard feelings 😊

What do you mean when you say follow through at home?

Oh goody, a thread to criticise hypothetical people whose lives you know nothing about, based on a snapshot of behaviour, so you can feel smug and validated about your superior parenting and well behaved children. Have a ⭐️

When you're judging strangers' children, how can you tell which ones have additional needs?

I think this just about sums it up!

Have you ever seen Olympic dressage horses? They are very expensive and highly trained and they still sometimes misbehave.

Another boring thread to slag off neurodiverse children on the sly?

Oh, how can you tell which children have additional needs, 3 name poster with barely any posting history starting a controversial "To think......." post?

AIBU to think that people who post goady threads like this are unpleasant unhappy people, who enjoy judging others?

I mean things like setting expectations and actually enforcing them. For example, if a parent says “stop doing that or we’re leaving” and the behaviour continues with no consequence, the child learns the words don’t mean much. Follow-through helps kids understand boundaries.

That’s exactly why I was careful to say I’m not talking about toddlers or children with additional needs. My post is about situations where it’s clear the child is just left to act out and there’s zero follow-through from the adults, not about hidden diagnoses or snap judgements.

Sure but if a dressage horse keeps misbehaving, the trainer doesn’t just shrug and say “boys will be boys.” That’s kind of the point.

That’s not what this thread is about and I was explicit about not including children with additional needs. It’s entirely possible to talk about inconsistent or passive parenting without it being an attack on neurodiverse children. Jumping to that conclusion shuts down any real discussion.

You're being unreasonable for the simple facts that a) learning to exist in, navigate and behave in public is an ongoing learning process for children and b) bad days exist, for both parents and children.

You and the endless societal judgement is more of a problem frankly.

Yanbu, but don’t you know there’s always an excuse for this

How would it be "clear" to you, a stranger, that a child did or did not have additional needs?

I have autistic children with high support needs and we are frequently judged by people like you.

Mind your own business.

How can you tell which is which?

That’s not what this is. I raised a topic that clearly resonates with some and bothers others but disagreeing with a point doesn’t mean the person raising it is miserable or goady. Not everything you don’t like is a personal attack.

Well I'm currently in a (smart) pub and there are eight kids joining around the garden shouting. They don't all have additional needs.

And yes I am in the pub on a Saturday night by myself on Mumsnet because that's how my holidays roll....