To think of your child is 5+ and still can’t behave in public, you’re the problem?

[ThatDeepGoose]

I understand developmental delays, this isn’t about that. It’s about basic manners not being taught.

Not a parent then OP ? .Expecting impeccable behaviour off an overwhelmed 5 year old in a pub is ridiculous.

No child is perfect, no adult is perfect, no day is perfect.

I think it’s possible to reflect on what we see in society without it being about personal judgement or superiority. This isn’t about shaming individual families, it’s about recognising that what we model for children does matter and sometimes what we see raises questions about what’s being normalised.

The point isn’t to police other parents, it’s to open up space for honest conversations about what children need, especially when it comes to boundaries and emotional safety. We talk about all kinds of societal behaviours on here, I don’t think parenting should be off-limits, especially when we’re thoughtful about how we discuss it.

There are so many adults who behave badly in public that I can't really get exercised about the odd screaming kid.

I don’t go around taking notes on strangers but I think most of us form impressions based on what we observe. If you regularly see a parent consistently ignoring or even encouraging disruptive behaviour in public, it’s not unreasonable to wonder if there’s a pattern.

This thread isn’t about judging individual moments out of context, it’s about thinking about how we respond when kids act out and whether the adults in charge are engaged. I’m not claiming to know everything going on behind the scenes but pubic behaviour is till public, and sometimes it does reflect broader patterns. That’s what I was getting at.

I wouldn't describe your posts or observations as thoughtful.

When you know you know...... you obviously do not know. yabVu

I’m not looking down on anyone, I’m saying it’s possible to acknowledge hardship and still believe that children deserve basic respect and guidance. Saying “some people parent poorly” isn’t the same as saying “everyone must be like me.” But pretending we can’t talk about standards at all, in case someone feels judged, helps no one, least of all the kids on the receiving end of poor parenting.

I’m not expecting “impeccable” behaviour, just some evidence that the adults are guiding and supporting the child, rather than ignoring or excusing behaviour that affects others. I know kids get overwhelmed. I’m not blaming the child, I’m questioning the pattern of some adults treating public disruption as inevitable or even amusing, rather than something they can gently intervene in.

What kinds of public disruption are we talking about?

Since you’re quoting a reply from page 4, you’ve clearly seen the thread, so you can scroll back to page 1 where I already gave examples.

Your edited response had no less attitude than the first.

Funny, the first thing you mentioned was basic manners.

I’ve had a look. You need to stop being so interested in what other people’s kids do. I thought you meant smashing supermarkets up, not hitting siblings who are none of your business.

You’re right that siblings aren’t my business, until they’re throwing tins and no one’s stepping in. Anyway, I’ve said what I meant and clarified it more than once, so I’m happy to leave it here.

Honestly OP I think YABU. Of course some people parent poorly but you’re throwing around a lot of vague generalisations, assumptions and judgements based on one-off observations of a bunch of unknown parents and children that you really know nothing about.

I think the best conclusion you can draw is all parents parent poorly sometimes and all children behave poorly sometimes .

OP, what were you hoping to gain or glean from this thread?

Op your post is very timely as I was at a local outside event today that had a marquee in the grounds that wasn't being used. There were 4 small children ranging from 3-5 years old inside it running and jumping on top of a line of trestle tables like it was playground equipment. The parents were all outside watching them do it! I've never seen such stupid, disrespectful and dangerous behaviour in all my life. We informed the organiser who put a stop to it. She was also really shocked. The really confusing thing is that there was a playground, bouncy castle, sports equipment, etc all free next door to the marquee so lots to keep the little ones occupied.

Yanbu but people always will defend their dc. I have a dc with asd and I didn’t stand for poor behaviour from her, I got excellent advice from her specialist aged 2, that I should have high expectations and not make excuses, I took that and ran with it, worked for us

OP I would have agreed with you until I started having children of my own 🙈

I think we see a snapshot of someone's family life in these instances, so how do you know how they are behaving 10 minutes later?

Only thing that bothers me about kids is seeing them glued to a smartphone in the trolley / buggy. That's where I've moved my judginess.

Maybe you should be given powers of immediate confiscation, OP. Patrol supermarkets and cafes, sweep all the misbehaving children up, take them to special centres, and Follow Through. You could be the Child Misbehaviour Tsar.

I see someone has their stinky, judgypants on 🙄

People know what you mean OP they're just being deliberately obtuse. There's heaps of badly behaved kids shrieking round dinner tables or hitting or whatever else, and there's no chance they all have additional needs.

it's clear you're not on about an isolated incident or a one off melt down. I agree with you. Lazy wishy washy parenting is at an all time high.

I also took advice from specialists, which was to understand the difference between 'can't' comply with demands, and 'doesn't want to' comply with demands.

You can't punished or reward a child out of not complying if they simply aren't able to. Which is why I never punished DD when I had to restrain her. She had a toddler's emotions in a 6 or 7 year old body. She was distressed and embarrassed afterwards, and desperate to reconnect and be reassured that I still loved her.

A lot of ill informed people said she should be punished for 'bad behaviour'. The crazy thing was she was desperate to comply and get approval, but she just couldn't.

Thank goodness her secondary school were trauma informed and 'got' her. They appreciated she was doing her best, and that allowed her to relax and trust them - to the extent she stopped self harming.

She is now thriving at College, and at work (some paid, some voluntary - she is very much valued at both).

I am really impressed at your ability to establish at a glance that there are no neurodiversity issues at play in any of these situations @ThatDeepGoose. You should get a job with the NHS, I think you'll clear their 2 year waiting list for diagnosis in about 2 weeks. Brilliant.

Yes. Very!

Consequences.