Why are people so impatient and nasty?

[Puel]

Went to supermarket this morning - I always go early so it’s not busy. I was pulling a trolly out and was suddenly shoved from behind and told “watch where you’re going!”. I apologised but obviously didn’t realise someone was stood right behind me but this person was livid, was there really a need to be so angry and aggressive?!

So I’m stood in post office queue, temporarily distracted and didn’t realise the cashier was waiting for me until the person behind me literally barged past me and went in front. I expected the cashier to tell them I was next yet instead, she rolled her eyes and laughed with the pusher. And before anyone says I was daydreaming for hours etc, it was literally a few seconds of not paying attention.

So I’m back doing my shopping and I stopped and quickly checked my list on my phone - I then heard “excuse me!” And looked up to see an angry looking woman rolling her eyes. I moved out of the way and she snapped “I need to be in that fridge!” So I moved again. At this point I felt like abandoning my trolly and just walking out! What is it with people lately?? I’ve noticed an increase in snappy and inpatient behaviour recently, is it the fact that people in this country are just so generally unhappy these days??

Most are ok, you’ve been unlucky

Entitlement
Frustration with their own lives
Poor communication skills
Lack of empathy
Stupidity

I know what you mean though. There are millions of people who seem to be primarily driven by a sense of outrage that everyone else in the world isn’t exactly like them and can’t read their minds.

Smile sweetly, rise above and feel quietly superior.

A lot of us are very time poor.

I work full time and have a toddler and lots of family that I need to visit regularly. That leaves me rushing to get things done a lot of the time and it's infuriating that people just dawdle like they have nothing better to do than spend 3 hours doing the weekly shop, clogging up the aisle while looking at something and being completely ignorant to the fact that no one can get past or get to the shelves when all I want to do is find the thing I'm looking for, grab it and leave. Times this by ten different people and people dawdling on the car park so I can't even get out of the place in less than 15 minutes and it's a frustrating experience.

If you want to take your time doing these things because you have nowhere else you need to be and aren't in a rush, that's fine but you need to make sure you're not in everyone else's way because a lot of us don't have all the time in the world, we are in a rush. And we can't just allow more time/leave earlier like people like to tell us to do because before the current task, there was a different task that also had to be squeezed in, it's just modern family life.

The examples you give make it sound like you were in peoples way and they were probably rushing, if so many people have complained and it's not just a one off that would suggest it is actually a thing you're doing and not just one or two huffy people.

They do sound particularly snappy but also you don't sound particularly aware of your surroundings.

That is quite some bad luck.

Were you engrossed in your phone in the queue?

One of my biggest pet peeves is people wandering around with their face in a screen not paying the slightest bit of attention to the world around them.

mmm, eevry single one of these examples you acknowledge that you've been a bit distracted and not paying attention.

Like another poster, I am time poor. But more importantly, I do find it frustrating how many people are so oblivious to the world around them and just drift into the path of other people etc. The world is a crowded place these days and we really do need people to pay attention. Basedd on your posts, I think you are one of these people. sorry.

You sound like an insular dawdler. You need to be more alert to your surroundings.

Having said that, those people were quite rude. To have experienced so much rudeness is either very unlucky, or you really are chronically slow. Perhaps reflect?

I think it's life at the moment. People are burnt out, over stretched, juggling multiple responsibilities and dependents, working on top of it . Older people have had magnitudous life changes in the last 20 years (technology overload ) I struggle at 30 odd, let alone 80+. I think everyone is just feeling the pressure of modern life. I wish we could all just accept we had a better formula for life in the 50s etc. we knew where we stood and what was expected of us. Community was far stronger. We're all antisocial, stressed arseholes these days. I think we need a bloody 'reset' 🤯

My first thought when I read your title was why are people so slow and self absorbed? If you want to daydream go stand in a corner somewhere and do it and let the rest of us get our chores done. It's not difficult to stay aware of your surroundings and have a bit of consideration for those around you.

With kindness, if you had this kind of interaction with three separate people in the one shopping trip I think you have to reflect on your own behaviour.

Sometimes folk just have 'pick on me' written on them. These kinds of bullies don't do it to everyone

Yeah, as with PP, I would never be that rude but its incredibly difficult to navigate a world of dawdlers when you have limited time.

Also, I think you migh tbe undersestimating ow much you dawdle.

I try not to be rude, but I know I've snapped a couple of times at people. I guarantee those people thought they'd just stopped for a second or whatever.... but that's not true at all. Usually, Iv'e been trying to get past or attract attention or whatever for much longer.

I did it to someone the other day in the car - I was trying to read a sign on the side of the road and totally didn't notice the lights had changed. When the man behind me hooted, DS said he was impatient but I was mortified and did a big apologetic wave because I suspected I'd been sitting there for WAY too long!

I guess from your post I could equally ask “why are people so unaware of their surroundings?”

I politely told a woman the till at the garden centre was free - she was first in line and daydreaming. I'm sill feeling the after affects of the look of hatred she threw over her shoulder at me. If looks could kill I would have burst into flames on the spot

There are some really, really unpleasant people out there

I do get annoyed with people backing into me, knocking me or trampling on my feet, particularly if they are bigger than me and it hurts. If you are walking backwards surely you look behind you first?

The other examples are of people who are unable to communicate effectively or assert themselves. I'd have tapped you on the shoulder to tell you the cashier was free and in the supermarket I'd have said excuse me I need to get to that fridge.

I think there is frustration with people just stopping wherever they like to look at phones and being completely unaware of their surroundings. Sometimes I feel a bit envious of people who are so oblivious, I'm really conscious about not getting in people's way or unnecessarily inconveniencing people when I'm out and about.

In all of those examples OP you sound oblivious to those around you, and not paying attention to your surroundings. Many people now seems to operate in their own little world, with no concern or consideration for others. It’s intensely irritating and selfish behaviour.

So this is the flip side of the coin. At the same time, a lot of people have no patience any more, assume the worst of others and don’t have time to wait for the self-absorbed and ignorant. And they respond badly. Civility, manners and respect for others has gone.

So you’re one half of the problem, in other words.

First example: if they were behind you, and you couldn’t see them, maybe they should have been watching where they were going.

Second: a simple tap on the shoulder or a polite “excuse me” from the person behind in the queue would have been fine. The eye rolling and sniggering is horrid.

Third: if you were looking in the fridge, she should have waited her turn. She’s not more important than you, you were there first.

Some posters have pointed out you sound distracted or that you might be the problem, but in my opinion the people you came across have no manners and are rude!

If this sort of thing happens enough, people begin to adopt a hard, hostile, unpleasant shell to protect themselves because they assume the worst of others automatically, assume every interaction is going to be like this one. It’s such a shame.

If someone told me " I need to be in that fridge" I'd be tempted to say " feel free dear, climb in. These hot flushes are terrible aren't they?

Because it's all me me me these days

I probably have maybe one experience like this every few years. The fact that it's happening to you so frequently suggests that you're not paying enough attention to your surroundings.

There is no excuse to be rude, but it does sound like you are not aware of other people being more busy and in a rush and you are getting in their way a lot. I think you need to consider this whilst out and about and you will probably find it happens less.

It annoys me when I am trying to get past people dawdling and taking up a whole path and stubbornly going slow to make a point. It's not entitled to ask someone to move if you are in a hurry, but it is to expect others to go at your slow pace if you are able to move for them.

Sometimes people are a bit preoccupied though, so a bit of understanding and politeness goes both ways.

Look up and keep your mind on what’s going on around you and perhaps you won’t have to rely on other people accommodating you so much?

I agree. It is a shame. I see it when driving too. Less and less people willing to merge in turn, lift a hand to say 'thank you' for allowing them through a narrow space, not willing to let you out at busy junctions, driving close behind when I'm driving at the speed limit...

We all lead busy lives...I always seem to be in a rush to get everything done and find I also get exasperated with people who seem to be dawdling with all the time in the world but I do try and swallow it down as I don't need to be in a rush all the time. Kids have all but left home so there is no need for military precision in sorting out my day as well as theirs anymore but it's been difficult to let that all go and to realise life can be led at a slower pace.