Why are people so impatient and nasty?

[Puel]

Went to supermarket this morning - I always go early so it’s not busy. I was pulling a trolly out and was suddenly shoved from behind and told “watch where you’re going!”. I apologised but obviously didn’t realise someone was stood right behind me but this person was livid, was there really a need to be so angry and aggressive?!

So I’m stood in post office queue, temporarily distracted and didn’t realise the cashier was waiting for me until the person behind me literally barged past me and went in front. I expected the cashier to tell them I was next yet instead, she rolled her eyes and laughed with the pusher. And before anyone says I was daydreaming for hours etc, it was literally a few seconds of not paying attention.

So I’m back doing my shopping and I stopped and quickly checked my list on my phone - I then heard “excuse me!” And looked up to see an angry looking woman rolling her eyes. I moved out of the way and she snapped “I need to be in that fridge!” So I moved again. At this point I felt like abandoning my trolly and just walking out! What is it with people lately?? I’ve noticed an increase in snappy and inpatient behaviour recently, is it the fact that people in this country are just so generally unhappy these days??

The lady did say excuse me though, she might not of said excuse me please but excuse me is ok, she obviously said I need to be in that fridge because OP probably took a moment to realise what was going on. The lady did nothing wrong. Of course op has every right to be in that fridge I agree however she wasn’t in the fridge she was stood in front of it on her phone.

that's more like it, double along there...

In other news i did my weekly shop this morning. A friendly chap handed over his trolley "don't need a coin for this one" wink

An elderly lady was stuck between a pallet and a shelf so two of us pushed and pulled her trolley out. "sorry for being in the way" she said, "no probs" we said

A lady dithering over Avocados stepped aside as i approached and pointed out the softer ones to me. An old fellow pondering bananas said "no prob" as i asked if i could reach past and grab a bunch

etc etc

At the checkout i asked the chap behind me who only had a bottle of coke if he wanted to go first...

it is easy for us all to rub along if we are all aware of what is going on around us.

There are a lot of impatient bad tempered people about.
I was in Tesco the other day, did the shopping and stopped to let so many customers and staff go past, the pickers doing the online shop were the worst. bashing into other peoples trolleys, one reason I was moving out of the way.
Then once done, through the tills and heading out, an employee with a few carts coming towards me, busy saying hello and chatting with cashiers, he saw me I pulled over to let him go past and he bashed into my cart, saying watch out. Once past he turned and said "I said sorry," (no he hadn't) making out like I was some problem who had been rude. I hadn't uttered a word. Even a couple of the cashiers saw it and were looking at him like he was mad.

Agree.
Why not pay attention in the queue.

temporarily distracted and didn’t realise the cashier was waiting for me

Distracted by what?

people saying the woman in the post office should have shouted "next please". Maybe she did. OP will never know...

It should be possible for the dawdlers/people not in a hurry and the time poors/rushers to conexist imo. But not if one lot stand slap bang in the way of the others. This is where you need to move to one side, park your trolley out of the way of the freezer door etc.

I am always rushing. I have a busy job, lots of kids and very little me time. I am often rushing to post a letter, grab some milk with some tosser from work breathing down my neck etc. Its very strressful. Equally, on the odd occasion I have a day off I love nothing more than a gentle, aimless mooch around the shops or to do a supermarket shop while thinking about recipes, looking at new products etc. But having experienced both, I'm always careful to stand back out of the way if I'm having a think, not block the freezer door while consulting my list etc. Same as the rushers have to be considerate of slower infirm people sometimes and let them slowly pass.

Im sorry but this sounds like a you problem. Its normal to zone out when in a boring queue but very strange to zone out when your at the front next in line imo. I think you need to be a bit more aware of your surroundings and a bit more cognizant of people that may not have as much time as you. Not that thats an excuse for people to be rude but I can understand the frustration.

While out walking today, I was pondering this (ponderously). I was thinking about 'be kind'. But we don't always have it in us to 'be kind'. Then, there is the neutral 'don't be a dick'. For me, that's kind of the skirting board of behaviour, you shouldn't go lower than that. If you can't 'be kind', then 'don't be a dick'. So, okay, I get shitty with people getting in my way, and sometimes I can 'be kind', do the polite, terribly sorry, do you mind if I just pop past, or even wait patiently while they swap and dissect the latest episode of Emmerdale, but I can just say excuse me, clearly and firmly while I reach past to get the butter. Because otherwise there's the 'you're being an arsehole', y'know, where you mutter 'for fuck's sake, while brutally shoulder checking them as you get the butter.

They don't know what I'm going through, I don't know what they're going through. One of us doesn't know that the other is hearing impaired, and suffering from bad vertigo. The other doesn't know that I've just spent 23 hours at the bedside of my dying father, and am in the early stages of dementia.

So, if you can, 'be kind', if not, 'don't be a dick', but I'm not going to give myself a pass to 'be an arsehole'.

I always try and smile and be polite but it does test my patience though. One or two space cadets when I'm trying to do my shop is fine but when you reach the 10th person who is zoned out or staring at their phone my smile gets a bit strained. It feels like it's in all aspects of life people are just so unaware of other people's existence, you can't even go for a walk without people taking up the whole path or stopping dead in front of you to read a text.

Maybe it's because more people are plugged in all the time with headphones in and phones on that they just aren't really 'with it' but it does get irritating. I'm always willing to be the person that goes around others, I don't expect people to move out of my way but people don't even give you space do that.

Many people don't know or don't care about good manners.

Call centres now have to remind callers not to be abusive to the staff answering their call.

Are you sure you’re not losing time? This all seems a bit odd, having so many issues in one day, so maybe you’re taking longer. Worth getting checked perhaps?

i bet you drive 37mph everywhere too

30 zone - 37mph
60 zone - 37mph

joining a motorway on a slip road - 37mph

or one of those people who rush to get off a plane and then walk at 1mph blocking everyone else, or start re-packing your bag right at the airplane exit blocking everyone else getting off.

people got stuff to be doing, and if you park yourself in-front of a fridge reading the ingredients list for 30 minutes its going to frustrate people, yeah im sure they could have been nicer about it, but far too many people are unaware of how their actions effect others so people have little empathy or tolerance in return.

yes, there is a common denominator...

for example, the post office queue, how do you know it was a few seconds?

Ok, you are the sort of people who drive me nuts. First, “entitlement” - it’s pretty entitled to block access to something while you check your list rather than moving to one side then going back if you need to. You chose to waste their time (waiting for you) rather than yours (moving and going back if needed). Entitled. Ditto not paying attention (and how you can know it was only a couple of seconds when you weren’t paying attention I don’t know; the fact that even the cashier wasn’t fussed by the pushing in suggests the OP was being much slower than they thought.

i accept that if I need to be on time I have to allow for the selfishness of people who can’t accept that others aren’t on the same “timetable” as them and so I leave time to account for gawkers, dawdlers and the perennially entitled. But I don’t think I should have to. I really don’t know when we came to the point where all must move at the pace of the slowest but if people were being decent they would endeavour to get out of the way of those moving faster than them. To enforce your pace of life on others is entitled and will likely piss people off.

Do you work OP? Could it be that you actually are a bit oblivious to your surrounding as you aren't working to a strict time schedule. I find people are mostly impatient when they have somewhere to be.

I don't work myself anymore, but I do remember getting stuck behind people leisurely perusing the aisles in M&S on my lunch hour whilst I was on a mission to grab a sandwich and get back to my desk.

It also used to annoy that OAPs would pick to come out during the morning rush hour and drive at 20mph when they literally have all day.

YANBU OP the world is a harsh place for those of us who like to take our time, perhaps take longer to pick up on social cues, take longer to process things. I dread having to go in to shops anymore as I just feel other people’s annoyance at me and I don’t like being rushed.

Can you pick quieter times to shop so you can enjoy it without feeling pressured? My mum goes to the supermarket either very early in the morning or late in the evening as she has mobility issues and knows people have no patience.

@GoldenbearYes I do, relatively quickly as there isn’t someone dawdling and getting in my way.

Or is your ‘gotcha’ that because I like to get things done efficiently you don’t think I should have any time to sit down with a cup of tea and peruse Mumsnet? perhaps I have slightly more time available because I don’t waste it daydreaming in the shops.

I shop online and only go into actual shops if it really cannot be avoided.

A pp said “I really don’t know when we came to the point where all must move at the pace of the slowest” it’s all very well if you’re able to rush and think and move through life quickly but some people can’t. Just a bit of consideration and kindness wouldn’t go amiss.

Shopping could be used in hell as a form of torture. If you go early, the Tesco colleagues barge through like you’re not there and get shitty when you wait for them and after no response say “you’re welcome”. If you go late, you get people stopping in the middle of the aisle or angling their trolley so the aisle is blocked and general ignorance. Even if I start in a good mood I’ll leave raging but my response to things is usually a matched energy or how I feel on the day. If I’m not in a rush, I’d have tapped you on the shoulder and made a joke. If I wasn’t, I may have done the same thing as your one in the queue. The fact the shopkeeper also laughed suggests you were far longer than you think.

sorry they’ve made you feel shit but just treat the shops like the road. Keep the movement flowing.

Op how is your hearing? Is it possible that people have politely asked you to move/to come to the counter and you haven't heard? Hence a sharper/more irritated repetition

I think people are generally less tolerant of others nowadays and in a bad mood most of the time. DS said he was in the supermarket the other day and some guy looked at him like he wanted to kill him when he was just walking past. He was quite unnerved about it. I think people are just bad tempered as default at the moment.

Call me old fashioned, but if someone is in my way I politely say “excuse me” and if someone in front of me in a queue doesn’t notice that a cashier has become available I’ll politely get their attention and let them know, not huff and barge past them.

Yes I've noticed it more lately, used to like getting out, sometimes someone would smile, make small talk.. now I'm worried about getting my head snapped off.
I feel everywhere has just got busier and we all get in each others way and frustrated at times. Politeness costs nothing and it would be nice for the world to slow down a bit anyway!

Yes exactly, thought this would be the norm!