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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not go to engagement party because I’m jealous?

208 replies

DisappearsIntoAnOffice · 25/09/2025 13:20

Yes I know I’m a vicious bitch but I’m a bit overwhelmed and need to get it out.

My partner’s brother has been with his girlfriend for 2 years. I went to school with her but we weren’t friends, she didn’t directly bully me but she was friends with those who did. We’re now both 22. I’ve been with my partner 4 years.

Just to explain where my feelings come from, me and my partner both work very hard in our jobs but I never had any financial support from family and he hasn’t either despite hid family being fairly well-off. I also have a fertility condition and saving up for private IVF as NHS waiting times are ridiculous in my area and we can’t wait 2 years as my fertility will only get worse. We’re in a modest rented flat and can’t afford holidays as all our money goes onto the IVF savings. If I can ever get pregnant I’ll have to go back when baby is 9 months full time and barely ever see my baby that I tried to hard to have:

Partners brother’s girlfriend comes from a well-off family. 6 months into relationship with partners brother she got pregnant, he was very supporting and 6 months later they bought a house. Her parents contributed £20,000 for deposit and then partners parents felt pressured by this so they then matched it and also contributed £20,000. She’s done well and has her own social media business and he’s a semi-professional sportsman. They now own a 3-bed semi in SE England at the age of 22.

Her baby is now 10 months and she gets to fully WFH on her own schedule, the partner also has a flexible schedule. They spend every day together and rake in income but it’s completely on their own terms. They’ve been travelling SE Asia for the last 3 months with the child. Also been to Spain, Turkey and Italy since the baby was born.

He proposed to her last week apparently with an £18,000 engagement ring and she won’t shut up on social media about it. They’ve rented a posh hotel for their engagement party a week after they get back from Asia and we’ve been invited. It just feels like an extra punch in the face because my partner says he doesn’t believe in marriage even though he loves me so I’ll never get to enjoy these experiences.

I can’t help but feel like she gets everything handed to her on a plate, everything I’ve been denied. I dread the engagement party and seeing her baby. I’ve told DP I’ll be making my excuses and not going and he’s called me a miserable bitch and bitter. AIBU to want to protect my mental health. I feel she makes snide comments too, recently posted a Facebook status on my birthday of a nice Lake District hike me and my partner went on and she replied “Looks lovely but it’s no Bali!”

OP posts:
Clawdya · 25/09/2025 13:22

Your partner isn’t the man for you.

TheRealGoose · 25/09/2025 13:23

I’d really focus on your own life and improving it if not happy. Rather than focusing on hers. Your jealousy only hurts you.

Lookingforwardto2025 · 25/09/2025 13:23

Please don't stay with this man OP. He called you a miserable bitch, that is not acceptable. You are young with your whole life ahead of you and no reason why you won't meet a man who would never speak to you like that and wants to marry you.

EdTeach · 25/09/2025 13:24

Clawdya · 25/09/2025 13:22

Your partner isn’t the man for you.

Yep.

Your feelings are completely valid, but it’s not about what she has, but about your dissatisfaction with your own circumstances.

TheRealGoose · 25/09/2025 13:25

Lookingforwardto2025 · 25/09/2025 13:23

Please don't stay with this man OP. He called you a miserable bitch, that is not acceptable. You are young with your whole life ahead of you and no reason why you won't meet a man who would never speak to you like that and wants to marry you.

I agree he shouldn’t have called her a bitch, but he likely wasn’t wrong on the bitter stuff and I think it’s ok to call it out. Just without saying bitch. This is his brother and future wife, and she’s disengaging as she’s jealous.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 25/09/2025 13:25

You’re 22, why are you bogged down like this? Get a good job, travel, find someone nice.

Polyestered · 25/09/2025 13:25

You are so young. I know you may not feel it, but you have so so much ahead of you. Get out now and go and enjoy your lives, you don’t need private ivf you have time at 22 to wait for the nhs.

wizzywig · 25/09/2025 13:27

Ditch the boyfriend. He wants a child but not marriage and he's nasty to you. Youre young . Move on x

FrodoBiggins · 25/09/2025 13:28

Your partner sounds like a dick. Don't waste your youth with someone who calls you a bitch, doesn't understand the bullying history, and doesn't want to marry you. You'll have no financial stability with him and he doesn't sound understanding at all. Also you'll be stuck with those in laws!

Worriedalltheday · 25/09/2025 13:28

You’re only 22 and this is why you are focused on the wrong things In life. You want a baby and marriage, yet you have no issue with being called a miserable bitch? You are far too young and immature to be in a relationship let alone wanting a baby.
go travel the world a bit, set yourself up and then you will find that you will choose a better man.

Viviennemary · 25/09/2025 13:28

Lookingforwardto2025 · 25/09/2025 13:23

Please don't stay with this man OP. He called you a miserable bitch, that is not acceptable. You are young with your whole life ahead of you and no reason why you won't meet a man who would never speak to you like that and wants to marry you.

Dunp your bf and find a rich man. Then you can put two fingers up at the lot of them.

WatchingTheDetective · 25/09/2025 13:30

How would you even know you needed IVF when you're only 22 and struggling financially? Why are that couple's parents giving them £20K each for a deposit when the couple is spending £18K on an engagement ring?

If someone spoke to me in the way your partner speaks to you, I'd dump him immediately. You're young and you won't be happy with him or his family.

TheStroppyFeminist · 25/09/2025 13:30

Christ, you're only 22 and are already bogged down with a boyfriend who doesn't appreciate you and saving for IVF? Dump the boyfriend, live a little! And don't go if you don't want to and remember that everyone only posts the best bits on socials, it's often embellished.

Handmethegunandaskmeagain · 25/09/2025 13:30

OP, this isn’t about her. It’s about the fact she’s getting the things you want. Marriage and a baby. Your partner has already said he won’t marry you and you obviously are upset about that.

So you have to decide: will you remain angry and bitter about it and stay with him, or will you leave him?

Because in my experience, nobody ever comes to terms with that and becomes super happy with a partner that won’t marry them, when it’s what you really want.

Itsseweasy · 25/09/2025 13:31

I don’t know why so many people have voted YABU when I think most of us, in your position, would find it very hard not to feel the same way.
I’ve been through fertility struggles and it’s a difficult place to be. Absolutely nothing wrong from removing yourself from situations to protect your own mental health - forget what anyone else has to say about it.
Your partner sounds awful though, and I would think twice about continuing the relationship. What a horrible thing he said to you.
It honestly sounds like being with him will be a lifetime of comparing yourself to the brother and his wife’s relationship, with yours never always falling slightly short in your eyes as your partner doesn’t want to marry etc.
You are so incredibly young - not to sound patronising, but you are an entirely different person by the time you’re 30, don’t saddle yourself with all this misery now, none of it sounds fun at all.

FeliciaFancybottom · 25/09/2025 13:32

Why are you so bogged down with wanting a baby, marriage and all the
rest at 22? You should be living your life without burdens, making the most of your youth.
You do sound both miserable and bitter. Change your situation for the sake of your mental health, don't hide away feeling jealous of others, that way lies madness.

Dweetfidilove · 25/09/2025 13:33

This reply has been deleted

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littlemousebigcheese · 25/09/2025 13:33

22 is still young, I’d be using the ivf fund to leave your partner and start again somewhere else.

Beekman · 25/09/2025 13:34

Never mind the other two, you need to look at your own relationship. What does your partner mean when he says he doesn’t believe in marriage? I’m afraid he means that he doesn’t want to be married to you. He wants kids and a mortgage with you, both of which are way more of a commitment than a marriage. Why wouldn’t he get married if that’s what you wanted?

TravelPanic · 25/09/2025 13:34

Your partner sounds horrible. And you sound very bogged down with serious life stuff for such a young age. At 22 you have plenty of time to wait for NHS IVF.

ditch the guy, live a little and move on from this family. You’ll be much happier!

Princesspollyyy · 25/09/2025 13:34

Do you actually love your partner?? Im gonna tell you what I think you should do.

End the relationship, because if you believe in getting married then you deserve all that and more. And on the plus side, you won’t have that girl you don’t like in your life anymore.

idrinkandiknowthings · 25/09/2025 13:35

Jealousy is probably one of the worst emotions there is and it will just eat you up it you allow it to.

I agree with PPs that your partner doesn't seem to be terribly mature. You're only 22, you have your entire life ahead of you and you have plenty of time for children. I'd swerve the party and also take a long hard think about whether this relationship is working.

Swiftie1878 · 25/09/2025 13:36

You need to leave your partner. No-one should speak to you like that.

As for the rest…You’ve had a tough time, and with your fertility issues, you’ve been pushed into thinking about and planning things that shouldn’t even be on your radar at your age.
Take a breath. Be single for a while. Then have a re-think about your wants and your needs and your priorities.

dottiedodah · 25/09/2025 13:37

I think YANBU but I think at 22 you have your whole life ahead of you .Why settle for someone like this? I would think that if he doesnt believe in marriage then theres no future for you .Calling you a miserable bitch is unkind .Have a fun time with friends .I dont think swanning round Asia with a baby is much fun though. She sounds shallow and materialistic boasting about an expensive engagement ring

Summershutdown · 25/09/2025 13:38

Comparison is the thief of joy, but honestly, you aren't tied to this man, he doesn't want to get married.

Get rid and find someone who does want those things! You can still save up for your IVF on the side for when you meet the right person but is NOT it.