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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS moved to uni and blocked me

372 replies

BloomGeneral · 24/09/2025 19:59

DS is 18, last year when still 17 he started talking to a boy, well man as he was 21. He said it was all platonic but I still felt off. Why would a 21 year old want to be friends with a 17yo? To make it worse, he was a streamer where he had a few thousand followers and DS was one of them originally which made the dynamic even worse tbh.

This was all online and I only found out when DS went to see him when his parents were away, he lied to me and said he was staying at a friends here, but she had no idea about it. Since then our relationship has become rocky, we used to have a good relationship, not extremely close but not distant either.

He applied to go to uni in the man’s city and got an unconditional offer (he also got offers at 2 other uni but obviously chose the first one).

He moved there about 2 weeks ago now and he hadn't really spoke to much, we spoke on the phone twice. The most recent time he was saying he felt unwell, he's diabetic and drank too much/misjudged his blood sugar or something along those lines (I don't know the full story), I asked if he wanted me to go there(about a 3.5 hour drive) and he said no it's fine X (the man) was with him.

DS hasn't ever come out as gay but I do suspect there could be some sort of relationship going on. He messaged me a few times since then, but not a lot. I asked how he was feeling and he said “fine” and I asked what he’d been up to and he said “stuff”. He hasn't replied to my message I sent on Saturday and I went to message again on WhatsApp and it hasn't sent and his profile pic has vanished. This means he's blocked me doesn't it? I haven't tried to ring him.

What the hell do I do?

OP posts:
MsPavlichenko · 24/09/2025 20:05

Stop worrying. He’s just started uni, he’ll be busy. He told you his friend was with him, so he was letting you know that. Maybe send him a card with a light hearted message/ some food or whatever. Then wait for him to get in touch.

It’s not a huge age difference. It may go somewhere, it may fizzle out. Don’t make it an issue.

RaininSummer · 24/09/2025 20:12

Odd that he has blocked you. I would upset and worried about that assuming your relationship is usually fine.

Original poster
BloomGeneral · 24/09/2025 20:13

MsPavlichenko · 24/09/2025 20:05

Stop worrying. He’s just started uni, he’ll be busy. He told you his friend was with him, so he was letting you know that. Maybe send him a card with a light hearted message/ some food or whatever. Then wait for him to get in touch.

It’s not a huge age difference. It may go somewhere, it may fizzle out. Don’t make it an issue.

Yes he's busy but do you block people everytime you're busy? Because I certainly don't.

OP posts:
Thelankyone · 24/09/2025 20:16

I’m unsure why he can’t be friends or in a relationship with a 21 year old, can you explain more?

ImAPreMadonna · 24/09/2025 20:17

He wants space from you, he may feel crowded by you, he may just want independence on his own terms. He knows you disapprove of the bloke he’s seeing / not seeing too. A four year age gap really isn’t significant at those ages. Blimey, I was seeing a 28 yr old when I was 17. Great fun it was too!

Leave him be for a while.

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 24/09/2025 20:18

I don’t see how you could stop worrying really but it is time to keep it to yourself. It’s good that he let you know that he mishandled his blood sugars recently and you need him to know that you’re always there for him and that he can reach out to you without judgment. Sending him funny cards, food, anything that means a little something between the two of you. You don’t have any actual control anymore so love and acceptance are your best tools. First relationships are intoxicating. You don’t want to strengthen it but uniting them against you. It needs to run its course.

Rhubarbandgooseburycrumble · 24/09/2025 20:21

Jesus I’m 52 and I’ve got friends in their early 20’s. You sound quite controlling, claustrophobic and odd tbh.

Leave him be, he’s living his life. He doesn’t have to contact you multiple times in a week or even a month.

ComfortFoodCafe · 24/09/2025 20:23

Send him a text “ds are you okay? Noticed you didnt get my whatsapp” give it 24 hours and try & ring.
do you have the mans (presuming its his boyfriend) contact details?
Maybe hes blocked you as you dont approve of his relationship?

MsPavlichenko · 24/09/2025 20:24

BloomGeneral · 24/09/2025 20:13

Yes he's busy but do you block people everytime you're busy? Because I certainly don't.

Show quote history

No, but I am not 18, in a new relationship and probably wanting a bit of space. Being defensive and or angry is the worst way to go.

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 24/09/2025 20:24

BloomGeneral · 24/09/2025 20:13

Yes he's busy but do you block people everytime you're busy? Because I certainly don't.

Show quote history

No. But if you’re 18, immature and your mother keeps being annoying (and/or correct) about everything, you do. He hasn’t blocked you because he’s busy. He has blocked you because he doesn’t want to deal with you and he’s quite happy for you to know that because he’s cross. It doesn’t mean he hates you, or thinks that wrong though. And if it is because he’s being manipulated by someone with a bit more experience of life then love is still your best way to meet it. You can’t reason with a teenager who is determined to be unreasonable.

Hankunamatata · 24/09/2025 20:29

I get your protective of him esp being diabetic.
But he obviously feels he cant talk to you about this possible relationship. Have you expressed to him your dislike of his male friend? I don't really see the issue with a 17/18 yr old talking to someone 21.

Hankunamatata · 24/09/2025 20:30

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 24/09/2025 20:24

No. But if you’re 18, immature and your mother keeps being annoying (and/or correct) about everything, you do. He hasn’t blocked you because he’s busy. He has blocked you because he doesn’t want to deal with you and he’s quite happy for you to know that because he’s cross. It doesn’t mean he hates you, or thinks that wrong though. And if it is because he’s being manipulated by someone with a bit more experience of life then love is still your best way to meet it. You can’t reason with a teenager who is determined to be unreasonable.

Show quote history

This

Original poster
BloomGeneral · 24/09/2025 20:40

He was a 17 year old child talking to a 21 year old man who has a bit of a following, ds was a viewer so that makes there even more of a power imbalance. He's now 22 and DS only turned 18 at the end of August. I don't see how I'm controlling for being worried? I told him I was worried about the older boy/man last year but I haven't talked badly about him since or anything like that. Bar telling him to pick a uni for himself and not other people

OP posts:
Wreckinball · 24/09/2025 20:44

Can you check in with uni student services just to make sure he’s not gone awol or having a diabetic reaction? As he’s a young adult they may not be able to tell you, if they can though at least you know he’s ok

Peoplepleaserincrisis · 24/09/2025 20:45

I don't think the age gap is extreme and think that you sound a bit intense.

I don't think I spoke to my parents at all during Freshers week (month 🤣) and was in touch very infrequently after even though we never had a bad relationship, I was just busy and off enjoying my new found freedom, if they'd been texting for updates every 5 minutes and judging my friends, I would have considered blocking...

Poirot1983 · 24/09/2025 20:45

I suspect that if your son was a daughter, some of the replies here would be very different.

I would send an email or a letter just letting him know that you understand he needs freedom but that you’d like to check in now and then with him.

RhiWrites · 24/09/2025 20:48

The more you helicopter parent, the more he’ll run and hide. Back off and let him come to you.

Skippydoodle · 24/09/2025 20:48

18/22 is not a large age gap at all. Call him in a couple of days and keep everything’light’ and breezy.

FuzzyWolf · 24/09/2025 20:49

I don’t think that’s an inappropriate age gap either especially if they are platonic streaming friends. At 17 he would have been old enough to live independently.

Perhaps he has felt stifled and wants some freedom. It’s an immature way to go about it though.

AllIsWellBecause · 24/09/2025 20:49

Are you sure the other man is gay

Sera1989 · 24/09/2025 20:51

I don’t think the age gap is very big and if he’s old enough to move away from home then he’s old enough to make his own relationship decisions. Unless he is very naive and not able to look after himself for some reason, it would be best to let him stand on his own two feet. The relationship probably won’t work out at his age and any hold this man has over your DS (if there is any) will be gone

CustardySergeant · 24/09/2025 20:51

Rhubarbandgooseburycrumble · 24/09/2025 20:21

Jesus I’m 52 and I’ve got friends in their early 20’s. You sound quite controlling, claustrophobic and odd tbh.

Leave him be, he’s living his life. He doesn’t have to contact you multiple times in a week or even a month.

Edited

Claustrophobic?

OneFootAfterTheOther · 24/09/2025 20:52

Heavens, that must be terrifying. Have you tried calling him?

Elsvieta · 24/09/2025 20:53

If you don't have a problem with him being gay, maybe tell him that? Then he might become a bit more willing to tell you stuff.

Spirallingdownwards · 24/09/2025 20:54

ComfortFoodCafe · 24/09/2025 20:23

Send him a text “ds are you okay? Noticed you didnt get my whatsapp” give it 24 hours and try & ring.
do you have the mans (presuming its his boyfriend) contact details?
Maybe hes blocked you as you dont approve of his relationship?

I wouldn't as he is likely to block your texts too if you keep trying to contact him using every method you can. Just wait until he is ready to contact you. Remember he is off living his new life. You say your relationship was rocky. Step back for a while and wait for him to choose when he wants to engage.