I’m embarrassed my by friends weight

[BeachBaby997]

I feel horrible, I genuinely do. Don’t really know how to shake it off. Been friends for many years but never gone abroad together. Currently away and we both needed the break. We are both in our 30’s

The issue is my friend is really scantly dressed. Friend is 5ft, about 20 stone in her own admission. I’m not skinny myself and weigh about 13, so it’s not a jab. I do think I dress for the figure I have though. Nice summer dresses, midi dresses.

My friend always dresses lovely at home but on this holiday she’s wearing barely anything. The tiniest bikinis possible, even her dresses are cropped so her bum is really out, belly is out. She’s also quite a loud person in general and I can see people looking at us in the street. She’s wearing a lot from Temu and shein and the material is just hardly there. Today it’s tiny tiny shorts and a crop top.

she also spends 90% moaning about her weight, saying she hates it etc but does not stop eating. She then twists it and says “I don’t look 20 stone do I? Everyone says I look about 13/14”

We go for breakfast and she has 3 plates, then it’s straight to the snacks from the shop, then lunch, then more snacks from the shop. she will be eating until midnight.

I really don’t know why it’s winding me up so much- I just want to shout well if you’re so unhappy stop eating everything!

i think I just need to bite my tongue and get though the next four days. Our friendship is normally fine but we’re shopping for a day, grab a meal or coffee type friends usually.

Wow. It doesn't sound like you like her now youre spending more time with her. Id be annoyed by the loudness issue, but what she wears isnot a reflection on you or anyone else. Are you worried the strangers in a foreign country might also think you wear tat from Shein and Temu?!

You're unreasonable to call yourself her friend and then write this way about her publicly.

Brave to write this OP but I can see it would be hard to hang around with someone like that.

As long as you are dressed how you feel is appropriate, then how your friend dresses, is not your concern. She is the one who will be judged by people, not you. If she is comfortable, then it should not be a problem. It would not be for myself, but the constant eating would tbf.

🤔🍿

I don't think you two should go on holiday together again.

You are not being unreasonable to find it frustrating that her actions do not match her words WRT eating and its outcomes.

You're going to get absolutely slated for this OP but it's normal to have darker feelings like these about friends sometimes. The important thing is not to act on them, which it sounds like you aren't. She sounds like she has a serious food addiction problem and is really embarrassed about her weight but cant control it- can you find some empathy for that? Maybe not at the moment while you feel so embarrassed by her but later, when you're home.

I’m not sure it’s her weight that’s annoying you. It’s her inappropriate clothing which would be the case at any weight. And her constantly talking about not liking her body. Someone with limited topics of conversation isn’t good company.

Yabu to be embarrassed by her weight, I'd be worried about how her weight affected her health but not embarrassed.

YABU about her weight. YA less U about her clothes fitting properly.

I just wouldn't hang out with her.
No need for anything else.

I don’t think you’re embarrassed by her weight, it’s her inappropriately scanty clothing that’s bothering you. Try to let that go, it’s up to her.
I’m overweight too, but I know why and am trying to do something about it. I don’t eat constantly and then moan about it. That sounds waring (not enbarrassing) behaviours in a friend and I would probably say something, or at the very least not book another holiday with them.

Fair enough being annoyed about inappropriate clothing and people looking at you because she’s being loud (although you must of known this before booking the holiday) but YABU about her weight and what she eats.

I also don’t think it’s her weight as such that’s annoying you.

The clothing wouldn’t really bother me but it seems to bother you.

What might annoy me would be the constant talking about it, esp combined with the actions that will only exacerbate the problem! I do find it annoying when people talk endlessly about a problem but won’t do anything about it / listen to any advice. Like people who moan about their awful husbands but won’t leave them.

I would have said YABU to be embarrassed by her weight as such, but I feel like that’s not the actual problem.

It's really hard to go on holiday with a friend. Everything they do starts to wind you up. If it wasn't this it'd be something else that wound you up.

Don't say anything to her about it, you'll regret it after the holiday

This isn't really true though is it? People do judge based on the company you keep. I'd be embarrassed to be seen with someone morbidly obese who dressed this way. It looks awful and draws negative attention. Her moaning about her weight and eating constantly is also annoying.

You’re going to get slated OP, but it’s very frustrating to be around someone who endlessly complains about a problem while doing nothing to solve it, so you’re not unreasonable to be irritated.

You're not much of a friend - all you can do is judge her

Maybe she doesn't like your basic midi dress energy but she doesn't feel the need to write it online.

Next time she complains about her weight, why not ask her if she'd try weight liss drugs, as her weight is bothering her so much.

If she's insulted she will hopefully stop talking about her weight to you.

The loudness and skimpy clothes would bother me too, and I'm a lumpy size 16, so it's not a fat shaming thing.

If you are genuine when you refer to her as a friend then for the sake of her health surely you need to be encouraging her to stop snacking and eating so much……..three plates at breakfast is just off the scale! But that conversation needs to wait until after the holiday.
With regard to her clothes…..that’s up to her, her choice, but maybe she uses the loudness as a coping mechanism for being overweight…..?
You wear your clothes, let her choose her own.
But if you value her as a friend then help her……maybe start a weight loss journey together when you’re back home?

I’d be embarrassed too and wouldn’t be going on another holiday.

Totally agree. I would be embarrassed too.

It is like when people say "oh I never notice other people's bodies at the swimming pool/ beach" - REALLY?? Are you blind?

We are people and make snap judgements all the time. Most of us just don't voice them.

YANBU about her behaviour

I’m overweight and wear clothes on holiday that I wouldn’t wear at home.

There’s something really freeing in knowing you don’t know anyone, except the people you’re with who ideally won’t be judging you. Anyone else who is, you’re not going to see them again after the holiday so who cares!

Fat people can dress however they feel comfortable, really, if anyone does judge them it’s a them problem. I used to not wear shorts in the summer because “legs,” until I realised they’re just legs, and it’s warm so why should I boil to death for someone else’s comfort.

YANBU to not want to hear her moaning about her weight when she doesn't stop eating all day, YANBU to not want to be around someone who is overly loud to the point where other people are staring, YANBU to not want to see her arse hanging out of every single thing she wears.

YWBVU to ever go om holiday with her again. Keep it to a coffee and a quick shop friendship in future!