I’m embarrassed my by friends weight

[BeachBaby997]

I feel horrible, I genuinely do. Don’t really know how to shake it off. Been friends for many years but never gone abroad together. Currently away and we both needed the break. We are both in our 30’s

The issue is my friend is really scantly dressed. Friend is 5ft, about 20 stone in her own admission. I’m not skinny myself and weigh about 13, so it’s not a jab. I do think I dress for the figure I have though. Nice summer dresses, midi dresses.

My friend always dresses lovely at home but on this holiday she’s wearing barely anything. The tiniest bikinis possible, even her dresses are cropped so her bum is really out, belly is out. She’s also quite a loud person in general and I can see people looking at us in the street. She’s wearing a lot from Temu and shein and the material is just hardly there. Today it’s tiny tiny shorts and a crop top.

she also spends 90% moaning about her weight, saying she hates it etc but does not stop eating. She then twists it and says “I don’t look 20 stone do I? Everyone says I look about 13/14”

We go for breakfast and she has 3 plates, then it’s straight to the snacks from the shop, then lunch, then more snacks from the shop. she will be eating until midnight.

I really don’t know why it’s winding me up so much- I just want to shout well if you’re so unhappy stop eating everything!

i think I just need to bite my tongue and get though the next four days. Our friendship is normally fine but we’re shopping for a day, grab a meal or coffee type friends usually.

Get through the holiday and the next time she complains about her weight ask her along the lines of, "What do you want to change, what are you willing to do towards it and what can I help you with to do that?"
It would be the same if your friend was an alcoholic, or with a terrible partner, or hating her career choices, anything she is super unhappy about and feeling stuck with.
The help you offer doesn't need to be huge- somethings need professional help. But a friend reframing a long standing complaint in that way can be really helpful & empowering to someone who feels overwhelmed.

I had a similar sort of shock when I holidayed with a friend. For me the clothes weren’t the issue but the endless eating and snacking and obsession with food was actually quite upsetting. I’m certainly not a ‘almond and dust’ for dinner person but it crossed the line of what was normal or comfortable behaviour.

I didn’t understand food noise until that week and honestly it felt like spending a week with an addict. I had to back off because it triggered strange feelings for me (was the child of an addict).
Fortunately my friend has started ozempic and that whole side of her personality has disappeared, it was like magic.
I hope your friend can turn things around too

I think I know the type of woman OP is on holiday with. You see them everywhere. Very overweight women being super agressive, loud, barging into people and taking up people's personal space on public transport. I wonder if they are over compensating because of their size or maybe they have extra testosterone as a result of the weight gain. There are loads of support groups out there and weight loss drugs as well as support from GPs. The fatphobia people want to turn a curable condition into a disability which is an insult to everyone with an incurable disease. I have a son with schizophrenia. If only he could reverse it but he cant. These people annoy the hell out of me.

I would be embarrassed by anyone who dresses inappropriately or attention seeking. I knew someone who was slim but massive boobs and always wore tops with almost everything hanging out. It was embarrassing and I just never wanted to be next to her.

How many support groups are there for people with schizophrenia? Virtually nothing.

My son gets a lot of support from his local church. They seem the only people interested in his care. Apart from his parents obviously.

You should speak to CAMHS and any local services about that. If he has an EHCP and a diagnosis then he actually should be getting support.

Our son has autism, and he is supported, because we make sure the local services support him. Respite centres, SEN play centres, LDCAMHS, physio - etc etc.

It’s not reasonable however to take your son’s disability out on fat people. They’re separate “issues”.

You have described this perfectly. Almost as if they have a ‘dare me’ complex. Always very obviously inappropriately dressed.

Yes quite. Dressed in skin tight clothing with everything hanging out.

If a disability can be cured it isn't a disability. 😅😅

Nobody knows what it's like to deal with something like schizophrenia so I won't be responding to fly by posters with their opinions. I would just like to reiterate that being overweight or obese is not a mental health condition that is incurable. It is very much curable.

Sorry, what I meant was that my son is disabled, and support is available from various services that can be referred to either by yourself or school etc.

Lots of people know how to support children with disabilities and mental health concerns, maybe listen to them.

If you want to carry on being the victim instead, that’s fine, but that’s not a reason to take your frustration regarding your son’s support out on people who are overweight.

I didn’t say obesity was always a disability. It can, in fairness, be disordered eating or mental health issues. Or it can be a choice - a choice that I personally make. I’m not disabled, I’m overweight and fine with it.

Me being fat has nothing to do with your schizophrenic son. Don’t take your frustration about his needs out on me, because I don’t recall telling you that my high needs son has anything to do with you being painfully rude.

Eating disorders are mental health conditions and can be extremely difficult to treat let alone ‘cure’

In contrast, someone very close to me has their schizophrenia controlled with anti psychotics and has done from their first psychotic episode. It doesn’t happen for everyone, but the meds are amazing and all they have to do is take one a day.

How nice for you. My son attacked his father with a meat cleaver and jumped off a 3 story building. That's what schizophrenia is all about. But people who are overweight are trying to say they have the same mental disability as schizophrenia.

Yes but then plenty of obese people have had their weight creep up after minor injuries or retirement made them less active.

so you know, not all medical conditions are the same after all are they?

No, they’re not. Because anyone who has an eating disorder doesn’t necessarily have schizophrenia.

Look. You evidently have a difficult time of it. That’s fair enough, but so do lots of other people. Lashing out at people won’t make your son less vulnerable.

I don’t see how being angry at fat people makes your son less vulnerable, or mine for that matter. It’s not related, there is no link. Be angry, but direct it somewhere helpful.

No one has said that people who are overweight have the same mental disability as schizophrenia.

I am angry at these people because they can reverse a life threatening condition by going on a diet or taking weight loss drugs. It's not something that someone with schizophrenia can do. If there was a cure, we'd jump on it in a minute. Hopefully, there will be one day. The much slagged off Elon Musk has developed a brain implant for people who are paralysed. Perhaps there's a brain implant for diseases like schizophrenia. But to go around like the OPs friend complaining about being fat and doing nothing about it is just gross and boring.

Save your anger @YourAmplePlumPoster

Kindly, that’s ridiculous.

There’s no cure for autism either, and trust me our son is complex and challenging.

That’s difficult, and the constant battle to get what he needs is deeply annoying. But it’s not the fault of every fat person, smoker or alcoholic.

Being angry that your child has been dealt a rough deal is completely understandable. I get that entirely.

But - you’re misplacing that anger at people with nothing to do with it, and as someone who is both overweight and in the same position as you re disabled children - I’m not accepting your misplaced anger. Put it somewhere else.

You're posts are completely horrible. I'm overweight just now due to an accident. I'm not loud. I don't dress in skin tight clothes. I had a relative with schizophrenia so I know how hard is is - but don't attack overweight people - there's no need. I can't stand people who judge without knowing a back story.

Not when you're in a foreign, religious country. It's extremely rude and tone deaf. You are a guest in their country, respect their beliefs.

Yes you do.

Do you reside in Skinnyville, no obesity or overweight people in sight?