I’m embarrassed my by friends weight

[BeachBaby997]

I feel horrible, I genuinely do. Don’t really know how to shake it off. Been friends for many years but never gone abroad together. Currently away and we both needed the break. We are both in our 30’s

The issue is my friend is really scantly dressed. Friend is 5ft, about 20 stone in her own admission. I’m not skinny myself and weigh about 13, so it’s not a jab. I do think I dress for the figure I have though. Nice summer dresses, midi dresses.

My friend always dresses lovely at home but on this holiday she’s wearing barely anything. The tiniest bikinis possible, even her dresses are cropped so her bum is really out, belly is out. She’s also quite a loud person in general and I can see people looking at us in the street. She’s wearing a lot from Temu and shein and the material is just hardly there. Today it’s tiny tiny shorts and a crop top.

she also spends 90% moaning about her weight, saying she hates it etc but does not stop eating. She then twists it and says “I don’t look 20 stone do I? Everyone says I look about 13/14”

We go for breakfast and she has 3 plates, then it’s straight to the snacks from the shop, then lunch, then more snacks from the shop. she will be eating until midnight.

I really don’t know why it’s winding me up so much- I just want to shout well if you’re so unhappy stop eating everything!

i think I just need to bite my tongue and get though the next four days. Our friendship is normally fine but we’re shopping for a day, grab a meal or coffee type friends usually.

Just focus on enjoying your holiday your way.

A bit fatter. 13st and 20st are not even in the same ball park. And op said she dresses for her body shape

It doesn't sound like it's her weight that bothers you, but the way she dresses and acts.

I know a better person wouldn't mind, but I can see why you'd be embarrassed if she's very loud, complains about her weight without trying to change it, and has her bum showing. I know women can dress how they like and we shouldn't judge but I wouldn't enjoy walking with someone who had their bum out, whatever the size.

Same. I had a colleague like this and obviously being in the office, no one is going to tell her not to have any sweets while all knowing she is on a diet. I just eyerolled thinking, just don’t eat it then. No one cares or expects you to have any regardless. It’s just there for you to choose if you would like one or not.

Exactly just like id be embarrassed to walk with a 70 year old or anyone for that matter in one of the thong bikini

Your friend is probably in complete denial of her weight problem and maybe very unhappy because of it.
After your holiday you could support her in trying to lose weight and go shopping with her for clothes to suit her current weight.

I’m on the fence about this.
Iv’e cones back from a holiday and was amazed at what some people were wearing. I’m not thin but I was up to being 45ish. I don’t wear a bikini as I don’t have a flat stomach so feel a swimming costume is more appropriate.
I also feel you should cover certain areas when at the bar for example.
I did see several women in thongs at the bar and found it inappropriate. I don't want to see your arse, especially the state of some of them.
In general people have gotten much fatter, there is less body shaming which is a good thing.
The flip side is some people exposing far too much flesh.

It's like the old saying you are what you eat in this case its app for your friend you could mention about her weight but in a subtle way as not to fallout with each other I think she has educate herself about how much she eats good luck..

No it isn’t, it’s just providing a dose of reality. I’m not suggesting the OP comments on her friend's appearance in the photos, just gives friend the opportunity to see herself as others see her, since she’s apparently fooling herself about how she looks. She can choose to ignore what the photos show if she wants to, but seeing unposed holiday snaps of myself made me realise how I really appeared to others and gave me the impetus and kick up the (large) bum to do something about it.

Of course it would be irritating. Obnoxious people that are so loud that other people stare are annoying. As is complaining about your weight and still eating three plates of food for breakfast.

I have a friend that I had to have words with because she would always complain about her husband every time we met up. I'd told her many, many times over the years that she should leave him. He's an absolute arse and she's very unhappy. But she won't leave, she's still with him. That is her choice of course, but I did have to say I couldn't continue to sit and listen to her moan about him for the entire evening every time we go out if she has chosen to stay in that situation. It's rude to treat friends as your personal emotional dumping ground and ignore any advice or not choose to change your situation.

Like a PP, I'd be pissed off about the leading question about what weight she looks like. She'd be upset if you'd answered truthfully "well I'm 13 stone and you're a lot bigger than me so yes, I do think you look your weight." She doesn't want to hear the truth, she's not asking a genuine question, she just wants you to agree with her.

I had a similar experience. A couple of nights away with my then boyfriend's half siblings.

It was genetic, it wasn't their fault, they really tried.

But it was a massive cooked breakfast, then big bags of snacks in the car and into a cafe for a huge meal before 12.

I couldn't get the word gluttony out of my head and I struggled to eat because I found it sickening.

I'm a very much 'need three meals a day ' person so I'm very far from 'oh a couple of salad leaves is plenty ' but this was on a scale I'd never seen. It was insane and explained rather a lot.

It was sad to see because ultimately it made them miserable but the total denial was difficult to take after that.

I’d hate that. One of my daughters friends was very overweight as as a child / young teenager and wore crop tops and skimpy shorts with her stomach hanging out and I was always really embarrassed if I’d taken them out shopping etc. It definitely reflects on you if you are with them. The loudness too would really irritate me. I feel for you. Not sure what the solution is but if you want to maintain the friendship you’ll have to bite your tongue I think. Maybe suggest some 10 mile long remote hikes with just a bottle of water to stop her eating for a few hours 🤣

Imagine having someone claim to be your friend who then comes onto the internet to slag you off so viciously behind your back.

Just do her a favour OP and end it.

If you were teenagers, I might have thought you are not unreasonable. But you're a grown woman. I told my 14yr old niece this and my kids and the rest of their cousins, you don't have to like everything about everyone, it is ok to have certain friends for certain things, it isn't "using" them, it is identifying how you can better yourself and them. Guess what, she got it, as a 17yr old she knows she has friends she can holiday with, friends she can tell her deepest secrets too and accepts the boundaries put on her too.

You shouldn't have gone on holiday with this acquaintance, you are not her friend. Her friend would be here saying "how do I tell my friend I am concerned for her heatlh, without making her feel worse about herself?" rather than caring more about how she makes you look.

Everyone is entitled to speak their opinions and have feelings but step back and ask yourself how you would feel about a 9stone "friend" talking about you in the same manner.

My eldest sister's friend was like this and couldn't bare to be hungry ever. Like you it came to a head on a holiday when she practically ran out of money she was eating so much and no one in the group would buy any food for her.
Think she attempted a dine & dash at one of the resorts restaurants and spent four days in jail before her parents sent money to cover the bill. At least she got fed in person. She had one day left of the two weeks and bitched it was the others fault etc. They refused to sit near her on the flight home.
She's also had Minicabs refusing to take her, as it was impossible to get her in a seatbelt safely.
She has a serious medical incident a couple of years after the infamous holiday, and was stuck in hospital for months were she was restricted on food. Only seen her a couple of times since then but she does look a bit better.

I do kind of agree with this i have a photo of me at my fattest and I honestly don't remember ever looking like that it was like I must of been in denial. Sometimes people need a reality check being that sort of weight is incredibly dangerous and nobody wants there friends or family members dying in there 40s from a heart attack that could of been prevented

It wouldn't bother me that she's eating and wearing revealing clothing, that's entirely up to her, but you're well within your right to ask her gently if she'd be able to stop with the complaining about her weight as you just want to focus on the positives and enjoy your holiday. Don't offer to fix it for her though with diets etc, that's up to her, but you can show her support through any changes she does or doesn't decide to make after the holiday.

I can understand why you're embarrassed OP, people are staring at her and then in turn you because you're with her. It's negative attention, I wouldn't be comfortable with it either.
You can't change it though, you're just going to have to suck it up and then don't go abroad with her again, Maybe cold destinations?!

Do you tell alcoholics “just don’t drink”

If she is that over weight she is addicted to food. She can’t stop eating. I’m about 1 and a half stone over weight and addicted to food with the only reason I’m not bigger being poverty and that I can’t afford anymore snacks and unhealthy foods so I sympathise with her.

How long is the holiday?

It doesn't sound like you get on with her well enough to go on holiday.

I sympathise, I tend to avoid loud, brash characters, male or female, and it sounds like her clothing reflects her personality. I'd also be frustrated by the mismatch between what she says she wants and what she does.

There's no point telling her any of this though. Grit your teeth and get through it and avoid holidays with her in future!

I would never do that to someone. I'm overweight just now. My weight fluctuates and I have put on a lot of weight since an accident last year. The last thing I would ever want to see is a photo of me looking at my worst. I'm sure the person concerned knows that she's 20 stones and looks 20 stones. She doesn't need photos of her standing next to "normal sized" people to see that.

It seems very mean to come on here and talk about your friend like that, you dont seem to be asking for advice, just moaning about how fat and greedy she is.

More power to her if she’s not feeling your second hand body shame to be honest. I say this as someone who’s been unwell and hospitalised with weight issues and wears loose clothes a lot. But life is too short to live like I do. Obesity is often a MH issue so I feel like you’re being spiteful in a way you wouldn’t if she was anorexic. You probably need to get to the bottom of why you feel that way (probably because we’ve all been conditioned to be horrible to bigger people tbh)