Seaweed gate

[Seasick201]

AIBU?
Had a big argument with my boyfriend this morning and I don’t know if I’m in the wrong.
Last night he came upstairs while I was in bed and asked who did the washing up. I said me, and he said it was filthy, then stormed off. A few minutes later he shouted from the bathroom asking why there was “seaweed” in the shower. I said I’d clean it off in the morning.
This morning he didn’t speak when we woke up, so I just got on with getting our daughter ready. He came in and demanded to know why I’d been using his pillow (I genuinely didn’t realise). Then when he went in the shower he started on at me again, saying I thought you were going to clean it up. I said I would, but I was busy with DD at the time. He then completely lost it and called me a “fat pig”.
After that he left for work — but left both the door and the gate wide open so the dog got out and I had to chase her down the street.
I’m upset and angry, but also second guessing myself. AIBU?

Why have you got seaweed in your shower?

Reminds me of my ex. He wore me down like this over years. I finally left and didn’t look back.

Jesus. I don’t normally comment on posts but leave this absolutely abhorrent man. What stopped him from cleaning the shower?!?!

Because I had been swimming and just jumped in the shower after.

He’s a rude bastard.

Why is there seaweed in your shower? Id hate that too although I’m not sure I’d be cussing and ranting about it.

Did you do a shit job of the dishes?

Why didn’t you clean the shower after you got out?

I’d be fuming if I had to rewash the dishes and DP left the shower a state. I presume you’re an adult? Not a lazy teenager?

He sounds horrible and not someone I'd want to live with or raise a child with. But on the off chance, is this not like him and does he need to talk to a Dr about his stress levels. If its just how he is then get out of the relationship.

Yes, I'd be annoyed if someone left sea weed in the shower and left the washing up filthy.

You both sound as bad as the other.

Sorry, living as inland as it’s possible to be, this made no sense to me!

He sounds like a selfish childish arsehole. I really hope you can get away from him. Your DC and you both deserve better 💐

So why didn't you remove it and wipe the shower out straight away?

Did you leave actual seaweed in the shower all day ?

bit the name calling and leaving doors open isn’t on

Why are you with / did you have a child with this person? Change the locks while hes out and deposit his belongings in the front garden. Preferably covered in seaweed.

I'm assuming he has form for this. So please don't tolerate this any more, for your dd's sake. Stop 2nd guessing yourself. We're all allowed to make mistakes

His reaction sounds really over the top but does he feel the need to clear up after you often?

I left the seaweed in overnight so probably 8:30 - 7:30. I didn’t clean it because I wanted to rest and I knew I’d clean it anyway so didn’t see the difference between night or morning. All clean up now. I do think I might be slightly unreasonable because I am just fed up of male incompetence. If I did the dishes bad or didn’t clean up on my turn then fair enough but if I do it all then does it matter when I do it?

I think you were in the wrong to leave the seaweed in the shower when you must have known your boyfriend would be wanting to use it.

But his reaction was over the top, and the name-calling was childish and unkind.

How you move forward depends on whether he is often like this over minor household disagreements or whether it's a one-off and he was having a bad day which the seaweed in the shower tipped over the edge.

Why didn’t he wash up if he’s so much better at it?
I get that people can sometimes be grouchy if they’ve had a long day or it’s been hard but to leave the door and gate open this morning was bloody nasty. What if your dog had run into the road? I’d be furious about that and he’d know it!

Is he always like this or was it just a particularly stressful day for him?

If things were left dirty then I don't blame him for being annoyed but there was no excuse for him to make personal insults to you.

If this wasn't a one off and he's often putting you down, then have a good think about your future and whether the situation is one that you'd want your DD to think if as normal and OK.

Putting the dog at risk can't be justified. If you live anywhere near a riad, then people's lives are also at risk, if they had to break, or involuntary swerved etc.
The housework standards need another conversation. Are you a SAHM? Are you having health issues? If you house share then you leave showers etc in a good state after you.

I don’t understand why a bit of seaweed in the shower is the focus here. It’s obviously not dirty if she’s just washed it off herself and can be cleaned up later, it’s a derailment of the thread tbh. There can’t be much as nobody brings in swathes of it after having swum and got out of cossie , then dressed after and then undressed again and then showered?
surely his mad angry temper is the issue here, not hastily washed dishes and a smidgen of seaweed?

He sounds horrible, however it's also bad form not to clean up after yourself. It's not hard to clean the shower, DD or not.

I find the fact that he’s put the dog’s life in danger in being able to run off into the road at the top of the red flag list.
Would be care if it had been run over?
Would he blame such a thing on you because you didn’t close the door behind him fast enough? I think there’s some deep seated resentment going on

No amount of annoying extra cleaning excuses spitefully endangering an animal’s life, I don’t care how annoying the shower was for him. I don’t think I could get past that or the horrible insults (especially with the extra knowledge that only the OP ever does any cleaning anyway)