Seaweed gate

[Seasick201]

AIBU?
Had a big argument with my boyfriend this morning and I don’t know if I’m in the wrong.
Last night he came upstairs while I was in bed and asked who did the washing up. I said me, and he said it was filthy, then stormed off. A few minutes later he shouted from the bathroom asking why there was “seaweed” in the shower. I said I’d clean it off in the morning.
This morning he didn’t speak when we woke up, so I just got on with getting our daughter ready. He came in and demanded to know why I’d been using his pillow (I genuinely didn’t realise). Then when he went in the shower he started on at me again, saying I thought you were going to clean it up. I said I would, but I was busy with DD at the time. He then completely lost it and called me a “fat pig”.
After that he left for work — but left both the door and the gate wide open so the dog got out and I had to chase her down the street.
I’m upset and angry, but also second guessing myself. AIBU?

There’s also ZERO evidence that the washing up was in fact done badly - given everything else that the OP has said I’d suspect this wasn’t entirely true.

Not fair on the other person who uses the shower and has to do so before you've cleaned it.
Otherwise, yes, he's being an arse

why? For expecting a grown fully functioning adult to clean up after doing simple tasks like washing up and having a shower

So he's an abusive prick and you need to get rid of him.

You don't have kids, right? And you're not married? So just end it now, quickly, and move on. He's no good, and this will only get worse.

No, for calling your partner abusive names, losing your head to the extent that you endanger an animal, and throwing things at someone. Didn’t you read the OP’s posts?

Pp saying things like, "you should have cleaned the shower for him" - I fucking despair of people like you. Are you stupid? Or just can't read? The man is verbally and physically abusing her. The shower cleaning is irrelevant.

Oh I absolutely can read and agree on the abuse/gaslighting factor but leaving seaweed in the shower, knowing someone else is going to use it isn't ever going to be ok

What the fuck is wrong with you? Did you read the OP's posts?

Clearly says getting daughter ready in op so she's well enmeshed

He sounds horrific! How can you stay with a man like this OP?

Ok some of the things you did sound a bit irritating but there’s no excuse to behave like he did.

Also, I bet if you’re someone who struggles to clean things up immediately, you were like this before he chose to marry you. So he can hardly be surprised.

He is abusive. This is not normal. Please talk to someone in real life and begin to plan your life without this awful man.

He’s horrible OP, he’s choosing to shout at you, criticise you, throw things at you, and insult you. His bad childhood excuses are BS and beside the point, because whatever the reason, he’s currently choosing this behaviour and it’s terrible. Please leave him and protect your daughter from growing up in this toxic situation.

Sorry OP, I missed that you have a daughter. That makes it all so much more vital that you get away from this man and protect her as much as possible. Is he her dad? That makes it more complicated. But you can't allow her to grow up in an abusive household. It is child abuse.

Are you in the UK, OP?

Is the child his child? Is the house his house, or do you have any rights in it? Do you work?

Without knowing any of these facts, much of the advice to LTB may be impulsive, to say the least. And it is illegal to ‘change the locks’ unless you are the sole owner of the property, and may be borderline even then.

I'm not excusing his behaviour at all (endangering the dog is unforgiveable) but I couldn't live with that much mess. I always leave the bath, shower or toilet in a clean condition for whoever uses it next and there is no point washing dishes if they have to be done again. It's squalid.

This pair don't seem to be compatible.

But you wouldn’t insult the other person, right?

Seriously, start taking steps to dump the abusive fucker, OP. But be careful as he sounds unhinged.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Did you read the OP's posts?

Hence me saying they are as bad as each other. I didn't vote either way.

Hence me saying they are as bad as each other. I didn't vote either way.

Whilst I in no way agree with comments that I am lazy, it has made me think that he thinks I’m lazy. On the weekend, I got up early and took our DD and dog for a walk, park and scooter. He met us about 2 hours later (after lying in bed) and I asked him to watch DD on the scooter because it makes me anxious and I don’t want to ruin her experience. He said to me ‘come on you have to do something’. It makes me cross because I’m the breadwinner, do all the housework and 90% of childcare (he does share bedtimes and getting her ready in the morning).

Sorry didn’t mean to quote that

Did you read the thread? He is ABUSING her.

I'm at a loss as to how people can read these things and then make comments about how she should be cleaning more. It's happening more and more on here these days, and makes me wonder if people are just getting stupider or whether they see an OP as an opportunity to find whatever they consider to be a weak spot and give OP a kicking.

It's disgusting behaviour, honestly.

@Seasick201
Can you honestly think of a single thing that this man does that makes your life better not worse? Please start working to get out of this situation asap before one of you is seriously hurt by him