Seaweed gate

[Seasick201]

AIBU?
Had a big argument with my boyfriend this morning and I don’t know if I’m in the wrong.
Last night he came upstairs while I was in bed and asked who did the washing up. I said me, and he said it was filthy, then stormed off. A few minutes later he shouted from the bathroom asking why there was “seaweed” in the shower. I said I’d clean it off in the morning.
This morning he didn’t speak when we woke up, so I just got on with getting our daughter ready. He came in and demanded to know why I’d been using his pillow (I genuinely didn’t realise). Then when he went in the shower he started on at me again, saying I thought you were going to clean it up. I said I would, but I was busy with DD at the time. He then completely lost it and called me a “fat pig”.
After that he left for work — but left both the door and the gate wide open so the dog got out and I had to chase her down the street.
I’m upset and angry, but also second guessing myself. AIBU?

After reading all your posts and seeing that not only are you 90% responsible for your child as well as main breadwinner...you're pretty much doing it all anyway...what does he bring to the table as it were. Not only that, taking pleasure out of knowing he puts you on edge, passive aggressive comments AND throwing stuff at you - jeez, put him back in the sea and bloody keep swimming!!!

I shouldn't necessarily need to say this, but this is not a typical relationship with a few blips...this is toxic and damn abusive (emotional, mental, physical). And no, hearing "my child doesn't witness it" is also not acceptable (it's a common phrase returned 😉) because (speaking from experience and that of others) your child DOES see/hear/feel it.

Do yourself and your child away favour, you'll do far better (and less anxiety!) on your own ❤️

I said that before the post about throwing the bin. After a further post about the OP being the breadwinner and doing all the work at home I said this puts a different light on it. Personally, I couldn't live with either of them - the slovenliness or the temper.

Slovenly feels very harsh for someone who left a bit of seaweed in a shower and may or may not have left some dishes in need of a redo? Especially someone who is in an abusive relationship and could do with some support here.

Just what the world needs, another useless man justifying male abuse on Mumsnet 🥱

So you consider calling someone a fat pig, and leaving the house and gate open on purpose so the dog could escape, to be just as bad as not washing dishes perfectly or leaving the shower a bit dirty?

And you're telling us what you couldn't live with?

You are both being unreasonable.

You for not cleaning the shower after you used it and leaving the dishes filthy after supposedly washing them and him for his abusive behaviour.

OP - you can't spend your life living on eggshells, or on edge wondering which version of him you will wake up to - and your dd should not be growing up watching you live like that.

Childhood trauma is not an excuse for being abusive and violent towards you.
There is no excuse for him leaving you to do all the financial, household and childcare heavy lifting while his role is to criticise, insult and gaslight you.

You CAN split up - you have a job, you have the energy to do everything you do in your household. It will be so much easier without him.

It's just a question of how.

MNers have been through this and can advise.

What is your situation? Is the house mortgaged or rented? In whose name?

What about throwing a bin at her? That ok too?

No that's absolutely unacceptable. I missed that update

I dont get all this hatred of sea weed

I wish this thread weren't in AIBU...

I love seaweed when I'm swimming and it's good for your skin, but finding it the shower, because the person in there before you couldn't be arsed to clean up behind them is gross.

Nevertheless, one person's abusive behaviour cannot be excused by another person's slovenly behaviour.

How gross is seaweed actually? And can we quit with the slovenly?

She's the only one who does any cleaning at all.

They're all copying each other with the 'slovenly'😂.

Please make sense???

Deliberately misses point about abusive partner who also endangered dog 🤦🏽‍♀️ I’ve had seaweed in my bath before and often river weed but happily no more partner 🎉

Gross? Its just a bit if plant. Do you feel tge same about leaves and grass?

THIS.

his behaviour is absurd

Probably not - I was somewhat playing devil's advocate. "Even if it was", would probably have been a better way to put it.
It sounds like a horrible situation.

He calls you names and threw a bin at you... please just end this awful relationship. Imagine how much more peaceful life will be.

Your poor daughter OP. She’s listening to all this and learning that it’s normal. She’s will end up choosing someone who treats her as badly as he treats you, because she will believe from your example that’s all she deserves. Please leave him and give both you and your daughter a peaceful life. She can’t choose, but you can.