Seaweed gate

[Seasick201]

AIBU?
Had a big argument with my boyfriend this morning and I don’t know if I’m in the wrong.
Last night he came upstairs while I was in bed and asked who did the washing up. I said me, and he said it was filthy, then stormed off. A few minutes later he shouted from the bathroom asking why there was “seaweed” in the shower. I said I’d clean it off in the morning.
This morning he didn’t speak when we woke up, so I just got on with getting our daughter ready. He came in and demanded to know why I’d been using his pillow (I genuinely didn’t realise). Then when he went in the shower he started on at me again, saying I thought you were going to clean it up. I said I would, but I was busy with DD at the time. He then completely lost it and called me a “fat pig”.
After that he left for work — but left both the door and the gate wide open so the dog got out and I had to chase her down the street.
I’m upset and angry, but also second guessing myself. AIBU?

My DH is a pedantic clean freak too. I really feel for you. I am of the leave it till later as long as it gets done mentality. He is of the if you see a mess clean it immediately mentality.
Our only arguments are around tidying and cleaning.
However, he says all this but in reality does only 20 percent of what I do for the kids and house. And when he does do something he makes a huge deal like he wants a medal.
We both would prefer to live spearately. But finances and kids mean this is not possible.
We dont even want to break up, just live apart in our own space. Living with someone is fucking hard work.

You'd be fuming, and then what?

Because the op's dp was more than fuming, he verbally abused her then intentionally endangered the dog's life.

So he is a cocklodger?
You work, do all the parenting and housework.
And he gets to shout at you, insult you and grumble that things aren’t done to his idea of an acceptable level.

Do you really want to have a grumpy teenager as a partner?

Are you OPs husband? Did you miss the verbal abuse and him putting their dog in danger in a temper?

Other boyfriends are available. Or, better still, no boyfriend.

How much seaweed was there. It’s hardly going to be awash with it.

He has to understand if you do it all then it will get done just not to his timetable.
You would be quite happy for him to step up and share the load so everything is done when he wants it done but if he is just going to complain and punish you by endangering your dogs life and the people’s lives who could end up being killed in a car accident avoiding running over ddog then I presume he knows where the door is.

Don’t have children with this guy. If they do anything to annoy him he will put them in danger and claim they drove him to it.
If he doesn’t care about ddog then he isn’t going to care about dc

I agree with this.

Absolutely

If you are consistently slovenly then I can understand him
being fed up living with you, but I don’t condone the bad tempered manner and name calling.

Being abusive is not the way to tackle things and he should it down and talk to you reasonably go air any grievances.

Nasty comments! She has a child to sort out. Remember this is MUMS net. We are here to support each other. We all know how stressful life is

Seriously some of the posts on this thread make me more convinced than ever that MN is filling up with Incels determined to stick it to women.

This is very simple. If you are the one that does the majority of cleaning and he's just decided it's not up to his standard then get rid of him... Fast!

If you take turns with these things (not necessarily 50/50 depending on who works more etc) and you aren't keeping up your end of the deal then that's poor on your part.

In either situation calling you a fat pig is not okay and should not be tolerated.

(If this post was a women complaining that her husband had washed up and done a shit job and left seaweed in the shower the terms weaponised incompetence and LTB would have been used repeatedly).

I was just thinking the same thing. You should have to apply using ID. That would slow it down some. I simply refuse to believe that many of these comments are women. I’m fairly certain this has been shared to some women hating group for sad virgins.

I must admit I've been thinking something is up the last couple of days.

yes I agree if we shared it and I wasn’t keeping up my end of the bargain that’s fair enough. But he is just critical of my work.

If you are rhe breadwinner, do all the housework and 90% of childcare he doesn't get to call you lazy or make you feel that you might be even if you do wash the dishes badly one day or leave the shower a bit dirty. His childhood trauma is sad but that's for him to sort out and not use as an excuse to treat you badly. He is using you and he is abusing you.

The boyfriend is an abusive, controlling, violent prick. His behaviour is completely unacceptable.

No one ever died of seaweed in the shower.

And I think he's working his way up to walking out, OP. I'd shore yourself up against this if I were you. Or he wants you to throw him out. Either way I'd be as suspicious as hell of him right now.

I know I should leave him, I have known for ages. He does have good qualities but for the last couple of months, I have been on egg shells. He knows this as often jokes that I don’t know what version of him will wake up! I do feel sorry for him as I know he gets very depressed but I still don’t want to be spoken like that in front of my daughter. If someone else told me these events, I would think they are mad for staying with them but it’s harder when you are in it!

I hate it when people say this as if it’s a trump card. What if a woman said ‘so I called him a fat pig and let the dog out to roam the street. Oh, and I threw a bin at his head’. What would they then say?

If you agree with this nonsense then maybe find yourself an abusive man (or woman) to make you happy but dont gas light the op into thinking that this kind of behaviour (not contributing, being hyper critical, throwing a bin at her ffs!!!!) Is acceptable.

It's fine to be fuming (although I would personally consider that a massive over reaction).

It's not fine to rant and rave at her and call her a fat pig. It's not fine to storm out the house leaving the door open so the dog escaped onto the road. It's not fine to throw a bin at her because she didn't dispose of a cardboard box correctly.

It's been happening on more and more threads. People making absolutely gross comments in favour of abusive men. (Oh and then reporting comments where they get called out - one of mine of this thread was reported and deleted.) I guess it's some incel forum full of sad broken boys who have very little hope of becoming men.

I know I should leave him, I have known for ages. He does have good qualities but for the last couple of months, I have been on egg shells.

I think if things were good 99% of the time that's not enough for the 1% that is eggshell walking.

Hopefully thinking of your daughter & posting on here will help you find the strength to leave.

Unfortunately OP already has a daughter with this waste of space. I feel very sorry for the child and the dog- they didn't choose to live with this prick.

The OP, considerably less so. OP seems to be yet another female doormat who sets very low standards for men. OP should have dumped him long ago.