Seaweed gate

[Seasick201]

AIBU?
Had a big argument with my boyfriend this morning and I don’t know if I’m in the wrong.
Last night he came upstairs while I was in bed and asked who did the washing up. I said me, and he said it was filthy, then stormed off. A few minutes later he shouted from the bathroom asking why there was “seaweed” in the shower. I said I’d clean it off in the morning.
This morning he didn’t speak when we woke up, so I just got on with getting our daughter ready. He came in and demanded to know why I’d been using his pillow (I genuinely didn’t realise). Then when he went in the shower he started on at me again, saying I thought you were going to clean it up. I said I would, but I was busy with DD at the time. He then completely lost it and called me a “fat pig”.
After that he left for work — but left both the door and the gate wide open so the dog got out and I had to chase her down the street.
I’m upset and angry, but also second guessing myself. AIBU?

He doesn’t sound very respectful. But I probably would have got the seaweed out of the shower before I went to bed that night, I always clean the plug and very obvious hairs in the shower straight after using it.

As others said, he’s either a massive arse or to him the division of labour isn’t working. Do you work? Are you financially independent?

Are you the little mermaid?

@Seasick201 I’m horrified by some of these responses. It is NOT acceptable for him to behave like this towards you. Name calling is NOT alright. He is hugely overreacting to minor issues. Please don’t accept this treatment.

I’m not sure why you’ve quoted me because I agree!

He does get like this sometimes. He has been known to throw a bin at me because he didn’t like the fact I didn’t break down a box in the recycling (despite me taking it out 9 times out of 10). He always goes back to saying how it’s just childhood trauma meaning he can’t deal with issues like normal!

Sea swimming has become the next Pilates, lots of folk do it where I live. That said, it's fairly easy to clean up after yourself.

He sounds horrible and abusive. A loving partner doesn’t behave like this. Throwing a bin at you is domestic violence.

He sounds abusive and him having childhood trauma does not mean he gets to treat you like shit. Why does he think that he gets to decide how and when things are cleaned? You don’t work for him, he doesn’t own you. Does he do much in the house or much for your child or does he just criticise what you do?

He’s outright abusive, OP. This can’t go on.

He threw a bin at you.
Called you a fat pig.
Left your front door open so you dog got out, let alone the worry of who may of got in, you could have been burgled whilst you were upstairs and no insurance claim would pay out if the door is left wide open!!

He is an abusive wank stain on humanity!!

Do not let your child think this is how a relationship should be!!

Throw him in the bin!!

It’s never acceptable to behave in the way he did. He’s an adult and you are in a relationship. If he’s not happy about the dishes or the seaweed he can talk to you about it like a grown up not rant and rave and call you a fat pig.

So sorry to hear this. Your partner is using ‘childhood trauma’ as an excuse to bully and abuse you. It’s not a reason to treat another this way. As a seaside dweller, there is often a bit of seaweed or sand in the house/shower/boot area and it’s nothing to get in a bate about. Surely your man child could have given it a squirt with the shower head. I bet that the dishwashing wasn’t filthy either, he was looking for an argument.
He sounds as if he may have rage issues. Are you happy that your child is witnessing this shouting, name calling and potential further bin throwing, not to mention letting your dog out on to the street? Speaking as a woman who had trauma of her own with a raging, angry, angry father I would either get him out of the home or lining up the waterfowl to get myself and DC out of such a situation asap.

It doesn't take a minute to rinse the shower, it was a bit lazy to leave the seaweed in it. It's not fair on your partner wanting to use it afterwards. He shouldn't have called you fat though, bit below the belt.

If someone else is likely to want to use the shower, then surely it does matter when you clean up the seaweed?

Is your shower on the beach? Why on earth are you bringing seaweed home and not brushing it off when you get out of the sea?

Me too.

“I’d be fuming if I had to redo the dishes too” WTF??! Can’t believe some people think this is an acceptable way to talk to someone you are sharing your life with and raising a child with.

Then he should get therapy. It's absolutely not acceptable that he deals with issues by throwing things at other people, particularly with a child in the house.

Your bf is a violent (throwing stuff is the 1st step) abusive cunt and you would be a terrible parent if you stay in a relationship with him.

Even if you don't think you deserve better, your child does.

I expect you'll stay with him making excuse after excuse as so many on here do and will post periodically about the same shit hoping for a magical solution to change him.

It’s a bit of seaweed. Couldn’t live with anyone who got so worked up over something like this. Also dirty dishes can be done in the morning if you are tired in the evening. Family life can get a bit messy sometimes, he should do it himself if he is that bothered by it.

My relationship wouldn't survive me being called a fat pig. It's too much disrespect. How are you meant to ever want to have sex with him again?

I’m really sorry but this is abusive. A bit of seaweed doesn’t justify any of this. Nobody should treat you like this in a loving relationship and then to deliberately endanger the dog to upset you and make your life difficult is inexcusable. People on here justifying any of his behaviour are wrong OP. you don’t deserve this. Can you leave?

How can you possibly stay (and with a child in the mix) with someone violent? What if the bin had hit you? Or a child?
I understand being frustrated by the shower not being clean, or the washing up, but his behaviour is appalling.
What do you do when he hadn't cleaned up properly? I'm guessing it isn't throw things and behavie like an arsehole.

I don’t think your partner is unreasonable here. If my DH left the washing up dirty and the shower was filthy after he’d used it i’d be fuming. It sounds like he’s at the end of his tether having to clean up after you.

Well you do sound a bit like a messy student leaving the shared shower in a state and not doing the washing up properly but that in no way justifies him being an abusive prick. It also sounds like he has violent tendencies (throwing things) so if you want advice mine would be talk to Womens Aid about how to safely extract yourself and LTB without the risk of the violence escalating.

Then you need anger management.