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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

986 replies

FiddIedeedee · 22/09/2025 15:24

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

OP posts:
IceLollyMolly · 22/09/2025 15:26

So unreasonable. I thought you were going to say they were gaming all day or taking drugs.

CoralPombear · 22/09/2025 15:26

I think times have changed op. At least they will be in much better health than the thirty somethings of old!

Gassylady · 22/09/2025 15:27

I think it is lovely that your daughter has found a partner that she gels with so well. I mean it is dreadful that they are happy together in a way that isn’t on your approved list. I guess they will have to battle on doing stuff they enjoy and makes them happy.

PermanentTemporary · 22/09/2025 15:27

I’m 56 and ds is 21. I had reason today to remember some embarrassing facts about my 20s. None of it in the least bit positive (though quite funny at this distance) and mostly triggered by too much to drink. Ds is quite staid compared to me and really I can’t see any negatives in that. If I want to relive my 20s I’ll do it in my head, not by telling ds he needs to get pissed more often!

Original poster
FiddIedeedee · 22/09/2025 15:28

I just don’t want them to look back and regret not living a little thats all.

OP posts:
CoheedandCambria · 22/09/2025 15:28

That sounds like a lovely way to live tbh!

NutmegsMum · 22/09/2025 15:28

Agreed! Just because they are not doing the same as you did, doesn’t mean there is something wrong.

They sound like they are enjoying life and that is the most important thing. 😊

vodkaredbullgirl · 22/09/2025 15:28

So what. that's their life, leave them be.

Boredonafridaynight · 22/09/2025 15:28

Well I wish that was my predicament with my SS. Try drug issues, dealers targeting your house and threating you for money.. I'd swap with u in a heartbeat!

WallaceinAnderland · 22/09/2025 15:29

What exactly is it you think they are missing out on? They are having fun the same as you had fun. You get to choose your own fun, not theirs

ThejoyofNC · 22/09/2025 15:29

Their life sounds far more appealing to me than going to a grotty nightclub and waking up feeling like crap.

Notto mention the bloody danger of going to clubs these days.

gudetamathelazyegg · 22/09/2025 15:30

As a home body in their 30s I agree with DD and DP, leave them to it! Clubbing isn't the same anymore, super expensive and I didn't miss it when I stopped going in my early 20s. Uni clubbing is alright because it's cheaper. House parties are where it's at in your twenties

But also this whole "your 20s should be wild" narrative has shifted even since I was that age. Gen Z are very health conscious in terms of alcohol I find (not so much drugs...but food and booze). What's wrong with going on a nice walk and crafts?! Why is being a hedonist a mark of a good time?

My mates around that age are just as you describe, I think you need to consider that your idea of a good time is a bit out of date...

RedToothBrush · 22/09/2025 15:30

She's probably rebelling and thinking 'fuck I don't want to turn out like my Mum', so is square.

Tater05 · 22/09/2025 15:30

It sounds like they have a lovely life, not everyone wants to go out clubbing. I stopped finding the fun in that around my mid 20s and started preferring the country walks and hobbies, it's perfectly normal and if walks and pub lunches are their thing I very much doubt they'll look back and regret forcing themselves to 'have fun'

Original poster
FiddIedeedee · 22/09/2025 15:30

I don’t want them taking drugs and getting into trouble obviously!

This is the time they could be travelling the world and having fun but they have booked a walking holiday in the Peak District 😂

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 22/09/2025 15:31

Really impressed at the furniture restoration. That’s a joyous thing to do but also genuine practical skill. Nice.

secureyourbook · 22/09/2025 15:32

FiddIedeedee · 22/09/2025 15:28

I just don’t want them to look back and regret not living a little thats all.

What are you talking about? They are living! They are living exactly the kind of life they want and seemingly enjoying it, so leave them be.

CoheedandCambria · 22/09/2025 15:32

Do they have ambitions?

Arregaithel · 22/09/2025 15:33

@FiddIedeedee

how infuriating that you think they should live their lives according to what you deem a life well lived.

Spyship · 22/09/2025 15:34

But they aren't wasting their youth! They are spending it doing what they enjoy doing.
For a lot of people the lifestyle you enjoyed - clubbing and partying- would be hell on earth. And they would regard that as totally wasting time! Why do you think you have the right to tell them how to live their lives?
It sounds as though you want to relive your younger days vicariously through them.
I hope you don't keep telling them what they should or shouldn't be enjoying because it won't do your relationship with them any good whatsoever.

sarlavee · 22/09/2025 15:34

Their lives sound much healthier than yours was. So very unreasonable.

DavidKeanu · 22/09/2025 15:34

OP that was your life, this is theirs. Would you have taken kindly to your parents or grandparents telling you that you should do the activities they liked doing in their youth? Things change. People are different from each other. The only consequence of your commenting on their lifestyle will be that they don't tell you anything or spend time with you.

gudetamathelazyegg · 22/09/2025 15:34

FiddIedeedee · 22/09/2025 15:30

I don’t want them taking drugs and getting into trouble obviously!

This is the time they could be travelling the world and having fun but they have booked a walking holiday in the Peak District 😂

Cozzy livs innit. Travelling is pricey and wages aren't anything to write home about particularly when you're in your early career. All my thirties mates are travelling now because they have the money very jealous of everyone who has gone to Japan recently

HateThursdays · 22/09/2025 15:34

They sound like a match made in heaven, good for them that they don’t follow the crowd.

To put it into perspective for you, my cousin didn’t live like your daughter and her partner, he partied and did all of the things you wish your daughter would do . . . . His lifestyle directly killed him at 39.

Be glad you have a sensible daughter. Sounds like she is living an idyllic life and I’m actually quite jealous - it sounds very stress free.

Whippets81 · 22/09/2025 15:35

Christ I thought you were going to say they were sat gaming all day and smoking weed.

They sound like a lovely couple. Do you really think they’re going to throw that all away and go and sit miserably in a filthy nightclub at 2am just because you think they should?