DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

They aren't boring. They're different from you. There isn't a single right way to live life. You don't come across at all well, OP.

That does sound very dull, to be fair.

Maybe they appreciate the UK, it's beautiful landscapes, history, and culture more than you do?

I was like this in my 20s and settled down at a ‘younger age’ at 20. My now husband also craved a simple calmer life.

Why? Because both our mothers were a bit wild and carried on like they were teens so we craved a ‘boring life’ free of drama and chaos. Not trying to assume here OP but maybe it could be that…

Or maybe, you’re trying to recapture your youth through her.

Either way, I’m usually not nasty - but this is such a pathetic post… you sound like
you have a wonderful put together daughter who found her soul mate and you’d rather she was pissing her life away. Shes 27, not that young!

My son is 16, a real home body no interest in vaping, alcohol, girls. Yes he’s a bit younger than yours but I don’t see this changing as he’s silly sensible (maybe the girl interest will change). As he says “I’m just extending my childhood mum” and I think thats marvellous.

At 27 your partying days should be behind you . That’s what your late teens and early twenties are for .

Encourage travel and becoming more worldly. I’ve genuine remorse about how money I pissed away with partying in my 20/30’s…. Should have taken up crocheting

Is this a reverse?

I’m Team DD and partner.

I hated all the rubbish you mention: parties, clubbing, drinking, even when I was young. I was never a teenager either. I went from a happy childhood to what you would consider boring adulthood without passing through the rebellious phase.

Newsflash: not everyone enjoys the same things.

This is what I mean. She’s got plenty of time to grow sweet peas and go for country walks. I know I’m coming off as selfish, DP said leave them be, it’s like theyre 72 not 27 where’s the energy the excitement! 😞

The easiest way to waste your life is doing what others expect of you and not what you want to do.

Sounds lovely! Rather that than them partying & using drugs!

I really hate the attitude that you have to be off your face in a beach club in Bali or trekking in The Andes to be living your best life.

The UK has fantastic countryside, history, culture, food etc so WTF is wrong with them enjoying it?

Have you missed that air travel is bad for the environment? Plus there's the cost. Perhaps they're saving up for a mortgage deposit (or to overpay if they already have one) or children,financial resilience, FIRE or a big world trip when they have the money?

I'm sure they're not rolling in it so might be wanting to get into a more secure financial position. Or if they do want to go somewhere like Japan, maybe they're saving up so they can afford to really enjoy it?

Plus they have dogs so might not want to be putting them in kennels all the time? A walking and pub lunches holiday in the Peak District sounds great.

The thing you’re completely missing here though is that people have different personalities which defines their definition of ‘fun’. Very obviously the thought of going out to be parties is not a fun concept to her. Her fun looks like reading, country walks with her dog, baking etc. I’m not surprised she became annoyed at you because when you nag at her like this, reading between the lines, you’re essentially saying she’s living her life wrong. Which is ridiculous really. As her mum, just support her in her hobbies by showing interest rather than winding her up!

I'm with you DP leave them be.

Yeah both my kids are like this.

to be fair crocheting is wildly popular with all young adults I know.

Are they not all crocheting these days, my dd taught herself during lockdowns and she was furloughed, and shes still crocheting, they both sit in they might have friends round at the weekend but I think its a few drinks and video games rather than falling out of clubs,

Tbf i was quite wild as an older teenager/early 20aand all I remember is dangerous situations and hangovers ! It wasn't the best of life experiences.

You're worried she's not loving your version of living. What about what she wants?

She sounds content, happy and not afraid to do what she wants. Leave her be and take your judgy pants elsewhere.

Is this the other way around and DD wants you and your DH to live it up a bit more?

They seem to go out now and then with another couple I know of, same old stuff though, dog walks, farm shops, pub meal … why does everyone have dogs now 😂

At 27 I wasn't "getting up to all sorts". I did that from 15-early 20s.

In my late 20s, DH and I were having dinner parties with friends (with chargers on the table and everything!), and we got our first dog when I was 25 and were very invested in raising him properly. I was a real homebody, and DH got into making bread and pasta from scratch, and doing long slow bbqs all Saturday long. We did also go out for plenty of meals and drank too much, but no "partying" to speak of.

I vividly remember the last time that I was in a club. I was 26 and thought "get me out of this god forsaken dump with its plastic glasses and sticky carpets that stink of stale piss". I vowed never to step foot in one again and stuck to my word (I'm now 41).

It never occurred to me I was wasting my "youth", and your daughter sounds totally age appropriate.

I’m not surprised that your daughter is annoyed with you.

All I want for my daughter is for her to be happy, you should want the same

My sister was a great party animal. Then she became addicted to alcohol and is now terminally ill with liver failure. Now that's a waste of a life OP!

But she is ‘living a little’. When you were in your 20s you did exactly what you wanted to do. Now she’s in her 20s and she’s doing exactly what she wants to do.

Do you mean you want her to do exactly what you have done in your life, with your pre approved definition of ‘fun’?

Honestly - crocheting, pub dinners, walking, it all sounds heavenly!

Well clearly this type of holiday is there idea of fun.

I think you and your dd idea of how to live life are clearly different and its her life so just let it go

What is it they say?

Youth is wasted on the young?

I'm much more outgoing & sociable now in my 60s.

My daughter would love to find someone who loves dogs as much as she does!.