DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

I've seen that culture destroy and take lives. I stand by my comment.

…. So you want to ban parties? You make yourself sound like the Taliban.

It seems to me that the younger generation are a lot more mindful about their health and well-being.
I spent my early into mid 20s out drinking and clubbing and tbh, I can’t say that it was time particularly well spent.
In hindsight, it would have been lovely to have built a lifestyle more like your daughter.

There’s honestly more to life than going out until 4am and getting hammered, making an arse of yourself and making questionable health choices. I’m not sure why we insist on seeing it as a rite of passage.
You should be delighted she’s living healthier

Life expectancy in the West is decreasing for the first time ever. Maybe they will reverse that trend. I was no angel at that age! As long as they are happy!

Gosh, you are very aggressive. I said that clubbing and drinking is a waste of time. It also destroys lives. That's a fact. You sound like you may have a problem yourself and need help.

But if that's what they enjoy doing on holiday, what harm? People like different things. They might even go for a few pints at the end of their walks you know

It’s no more of a ‘waste of time’ than crocheting and eating out.

And while, sure, a minority of people develop drink problems in their clubbing days, a minority of people also develop drink problems inside their own four walls.

@Starling7

and it’s doesn’t destroy the lives of plenty of others. Not everyone who enjoys drinking and clubbing turn into decrepit alcoholics! Crocheting and dog walking doesn’t make someone a better person than drinking and partying.

It does make you a better person to create things with your hands and take or a living being....also it does ruin you to go and waste your life on alcohol, drugs and one night stands. Morals still do exist, despite western people thinking they kind of re-wrote history and morals and general norms of what a decent good human being is

Many of us have tried clubbing or whatever else young people do with going out, drinking and wasting their health and we still could see through our own mistakes and understand that moral norms have not changed and we were wrong and our friends who were moral, clever, quiet and wise were right. There are not moral superiorists here, just realists and reality still exists, as it always had.

You're being ridiculous. The clubbing scene isn't for everyone. I loved my clubbing twenties, but I would be more than happy if my daughters prefer healthier, more settled pursuits when they reach that age.

I was going to nightclubs from 16, by 27 id given up. We did occasionally go out drinking for events/birthdays but not every weekend. We did house stuff and mini breaks.

Have you seen how few clubs there even are now, the number is tiny compared to the 90s

@atinydropofcherrysherry

what are you on about?? Someone into crafts who spends their weekend crafting is not a better person than someone who spends their weekend clubbing. they are not better or more worthy or more moral or anything like that.
Oh and there is absolutely nothing wrong with casual consensual sex between adults. This is not the 1950’s.

Let's put the obvious aside for one minute - i.e. that they're probably pretty happy with their walking holidays and pub lunches otherwise they wouldn't do them.

Are they short of money so travelling the world isn't really an option? Do they work long hours so time off is more about rest and relaxation than excitement? Are they more career oriented than travel oriented? Are they anxious about doing big adventures/travelling etc and have expressed this to you? Travel is not easy for everyone.

You're projecting what you see as a fulfilling life onto them, and apparently what your friends see. That might be part of the problem... Sounds like you're a bit embarrassed of them.

Unless there's a reason they feel like they can't travel, go out more etc. YABVU and it's time to live and let live.

Guarantee if they were out every weekend you would be saying the same thing- ! Pack it in! They could be drinking, doing drugs, not paying bills and living with you! I seriously don't know what your issue is? Or maybe it's more about you than your daughter???

I really dont know why you are quoting me. Yes I agree a lot of things such as alcohol and smoking have been shown to be carcinogenic, so sensibly the younger generation have learnt from our mistakes. My point was for the first time in history human life expectancy is decreasing. A bit baffled by what you were trying to say. Not being a bitch I genuinely have no clue.

Ooohh I like this! Please, do tell me what makes you a morally superior human being to me?

Well the casual racism against “western people” for a start.
And the total lack of nuance of the fact all people are complex and a mixture.

Take that poster- she is obviously moral and wholesome 🤮 for her list of reasons, and yet she is also sanctimonious, judgmental, and authoritarian in her desire to make others live as she would wish them to.

Totes better than you, and totes better than me.

Morality has absolutely nothing to do with dog walking, clubbing, making furniture, drinking or sex.

These are all morally neutral activities, assuming the pet is not being mistreated, the drinking doesn’t involve putting anyone at risk and the sex is consensual, obviously.

I’m introverted with sensory issues. My parents used to insist that I go to mixers (informal dances) at school. In six years, I had fun one single time, which was when my friends and I left the dance floor after forty-five minutes and spent the rest of the time talking in the hallway.

I don’t think you’re necessarily unreasonable to encourage your daughter to travel while it’s easy to do so, but you’re very unreasonable to think that everyone enjoys partying and clubbing.

you're jealous. you want to relive your youth thro DD. well, you had your turn, SHE MAKES HER OWN CHOICES .

Gosh you sound fun!

Do you seriously not understand that ppl are different and just bc she’s your daughter doesn’t make her a carbon copy of you. Why would she regret not doing something she doesn’t want to do?

It sounds like you have difficulty with other ppl not thinking the same way as you. It doesn’t mean they are wrong. Learn to accept your way isn’t the only or right way.

I think this generation has a very different outlook to ours/mine. My 14 year old nephew asked for a weighted blanket for Christmas. I was doing very different things at that age!

Lots of reasons for the generational change but I think you should just leave them be. They seem happy. It'll only cause conflict and give them something to rebel against if you say anything.

I'm 27 (partner is older) and I couldn't think of anything worse than going clubbing nowadays 😂 Pretty sure we'd be the oldest ones there