DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

You know I sat on it overnight to "examine my conscience" as it were, as to whether I was being aggressive/have a problem/need help. Ultimately, my conscience is clear on this one.

I also thought about why that particular phrase made me feel so prickly, and it is recognising the dynamic of making the conversation stop through personal insults. i.e. you're the one being (passive) aggressive aka The Accusations are Admissions.

But in the substantive issue:

I am really struggling to understand what freedoms (or not) you actually think other adults should be permitted. And I say that as someone who never did drugs, hardly drank, and in my mid fifties is still waiting on my first ONS! But I did go clubbing and partying, and love going "out gallivanting".

Sure drugs waste lives, (those unfortunate enough to be living along its supply chain as much as any consumer) but we as a society accept that adults are allowed to make bad choices that we wouldn't. I personally would describe the life you would have me live as utterly joyless. It is almost certain that you will have had the opportunity to impose that lifestyle on young people - have you ever checked with them as whether they find/found it unnecessarily joyless? It might open an interesting conversation, because I assume that utter joylessnes isn't your goal, and would be unacceptable collateral damage to you.

I fully respect the right of OP's daughter to live her life as she pleases.
Do I think it is admirable in any way? No I don't; I am at best neutral about it.
Do I think it is 'wholesome'? Not convinced, but seems to suit her.
Do I think the "look at me being an old granny" is perhaps a cry for help? Yes
Would I want this lifestyle for my daughters in their twenties? No I wouldn't.
Does not wanting this for my own kids mean I want them to take drugs and drink to unconsciousness? Don't be daft, of course not, because I can recognise there are way more possibilities for living just Granny Squares vs. Vomiting Drunk

You kept saying you'll be quiet / keep your mouth shut, yet didn't

No one likes a liar

They already appreciate the little things in life - that sets them up for a much more contented life in the future. I was the same at their age, but did enjoy the odd trip to France etc. Why don't you offer to take your DD to Paris for a shopping trip weekend pre-Xmas as an early Christmas present? If she refuses, don't push it any further - I think it's lovely that they are so happy as they are.

As someone who partied- went to raves and went clubbing three times a week in my teens and early 20s . Their way is the best way. I got my self in trouble. Now I'm older I do what they do and wish I'd had the confidence to do what I actually enjoy . I go abroad to see the world - go to gigs and don't drink and have the best time - and I'd rather go on a coffee date with Donald trump than go clubbing in some disgusting bar . You should be proud their developing skills and getting outside . Walking is fab

As I said, she is happy. I didn't say she wasn't having a blast. I was saying that I did have a blast.

Gosh, haven't written blast so often as this for ages! it's a great word that needs using more often.
Blast!

Everyone seems so grumpy at the moment, so while I would love most of us these days to be having a blast, I am not seeing a fat lot of evidence of joy. A lifetime of issues due to alcohol? Some assumptions are being made there, methinks. I am not sure we had much money to spend on experiences, and experiences weren't really a thing then like they are now.

Are you have a laugh you think being called a cow is harsh but starting up a thread on here to take piss out of your daughter and her partner and laugh at all the things they like to do and call them boring none of that is harsh just you being called a cow. Leave them alone they are happy and living the life that they want. Keep your nose in your business instead of sticking it in to theirs.

I didn’t party in my 20s either - well maybe only a few times at uni, only occasionally, and definitely not after, just never enjoyed it. I’m now in my 30s with family and kids and never once I regretted not going clubbing and drinking.

I can see both sides of this. On one hand their life sounds blissful and they sound perfectly content with it!
And most of the wild nights out you have on your youth are based on going out on the pull - so if you’ve already found your person, there’s not much point to it unless you particularly love drinking and dancing!

On the other hand, I did all of the above AND went travelling for a year in my early twenties and now I’m in my 40s my life sounds much like theirs now 😂 but I sometimes see adverts for working abroad or on a cruise ship and I wish I’d done EVEN MORE travelling and random interesting short-term jobs before I’d settled down with a mortgage!

Couldn't agree more. Why read 9 pages of comments saying "They sound lovely! I, too, enjoy walking my dog!". You are one of thr handful of folks who have tried to expand it into a discussion of what constitutes the good life, which is a proper and interesting philosophical undertaking and which is why I've carried on reading and contributing.

I would also suggest that the way some posters respond to any effort to lift a post from the particular to the general is an example of the social problem of narrow mindedness that some of us are highlighting.

Yes everyone enjoys what they enjoy
Oh look X person enjoys X thing
Their mother finds it weird
Yes they can like what they like. That's the first phase of the thread. Done.
Do we leave it there? No, we start asking, why do some people feel irked by X person doing X thing? What wider social currents might be at play? What different experiences do people have, how might different lives bring different benefits? Are there universal learnings to be drawn or is this just one case?

Some of you commenting on this thread are doing the mental equivalent of looking at the same cosy four walls every day and not stretching your brains into interesting realms of abstraction. I don't doubt I'll get more comments saying how arrogant and annoying I am, and how you're just responding, haven't RTFT etc, but honestly please can some of you stop bringing the broader discussion back to this tedious, individual case! We've done OP and her daughter now. Some of us are trying to talk about what makes life worth living and if there are any ideas to be drawn!

Oooohhhh OP I haven't RTFT because some of the cruel comments make me wince -- so I've only read yours. Sorry you're getting a kicking. I think a lot of PPs have misunderstood what you're worried about.

I'd hate to be young nowadays -- so many pressures and examples to follow. Faced with, say, Bonnie Blue and other "influencers", the "homesteading" fashion trend must feel like a safe harbour in a world that doesn't make sense.

I rushed into marriage in my early 20s because life was, frankly, terrifying, and it seemed my best bet was to follow in traditional footsteps and hope for the best.

It was a terrible marriage. When it ended, I spent my mid to late 40s catching up on all the fun (and "fun") I'd never had when younger. To a really alarming extent, quite honestly. At that stage, anything to me was better than being bored. It was a hectic and challenging few years.

Having gone through all that, my life is now brilliant -- harmonious and happy and settled! I think some of us just live it all the wrong way round.

I voted "YABU" just because I like the sound of her lifestyle. But I am 193 years old!!!!! I do understand your concerns about her gaining more life experience before settling down. But she'll do that when she's ready.