DD and boyfriend are wasting their lives

[FiddIedeedee]

DD 27 and her boyfriend (also 27) are proper home bodies. All they seem to do in their free time is go for country walks with their dogs, meals out or Sunday markets 😂

When I was in my 20s I was partying, clubbing and getting up to all sorts, I fear they are wasting their youth!

Last weekend they baked cookies and went on a long country walk with the dogs with a pub lunch. DD spends a lot of time reading and crocheting bits here and there. The boyfriend has started furniture restoration as a hobby. They’re like an old couple honestly!

DD got annoyed with me because I said to them they need to be out enjoying their 20s (and soon 30s) and not acting like a couple in their 60s. DP says leave them be but I just don’t want them to regret not living life to the full. You’re a long time old as they say.

AIBU?

I think it's quite sad and disheartening that you call her boring. I'd hate to hear my mum referred to me that way just because I didn't act in accordance with her idea of how I should live my life. Even if you do seem to think it's all tongue-in-cheek to disparage her interests, it's probably not amusing to her or her partner.

I'd finished my family by 24. I have and have never had any want to travel the world. We got a camper van and toured the UK when the dc were younger. Leave them to it.

One of the best things for me about getting older is the hobbies that you've always had actually become socially acceptable :-)

I lived a wild wild life for the first thirty odd years as that’s what my parents role modelled. It was exciting, terrifying, chaotic , dangerous, unpredictable, often lonely, mental. I saw people die, I nearly took myself out several times. I saw people lose their minds and never come back from that.
i was hurt by so many people, especially men and taken full advantage of.
i would love to think my kids never had to feel the terror and anxiety that still haunts me today and the thought of them just living a life where they’re comfortable, cosy, enjoying nature and having someone to love them would be my absolute dream for children (and for me)

That’s really sweet and fantastic at the tender age of 16 he’s not frightened to not be a sheep. Good that he has a great mom like you alos who recognises he’s uniquely him and not judging by societal ‘norms’.

Their life sounds lovely! Leave them be.

The world! Life outside a little market town! Different cultures, different experiences…

I’ve been well and truly told though so I’ll keep my out of touch mouth shut then 😂

You sound a little unbearable, she probably feels alive more than most her age that are living your weird version of the dream.

But your version of “living” and theirs is completely different OP

I agree, but I don't think you have any choice but to respect it and step back. They will make choices we, as parents, disagree and we have to accept.

God this is as frustrating as talking to my dad, who has a similar bee in his bonnet that I don't like travel. Different people like different things!!! I consider myself really lucky that I always wanted to live in London growing up and now do. I love this city and the endless things to see and do in it. And the rest of the world is great but I have no burning desire to 'live your my best life' and spend time seeing it. That might change, it might not, but he cares about that so much more than I ever will. I just smile and nod at his judgement and hope the subject changes soon.
They aren't boring. What is boring is your insistance that your way of having fun is the only fun & cool way to live. I think someone happy mooching around the garden with their person sounds far more content than someone getting off their tits to dance with strangers. And I say that as someone who's been googling day raves recently!

It’s so interesting to me that walks, meals, markets, crocheting and UK holidays are considered boring by some. Maybe your daughter also thinks clubbing and drinking are boring. It’s just a matter of opinion, she’s enjoying her life, so she’s certainly not wasting it! Literally what life’s about isn’t it, finding something you enjoy and not doing the things you don’t enjoy.

FWIW, I never did clubbing and drinking either, I’m mid 30’s. Don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything 😊😊

Its sounds to me that you would like to relive your own youth through your daughter but you can’t.

They are doing what makes them happy. I think by 27 I had grown out of clubbing and getting hammered because, let's be honest, it's shit.

You sound unbearably judgemental.

If they wanted to travel they would I imagine. It's their choice how they live their life. People find fulfillment in different things. Sounds like they have strong hobbies that they enjoy and find a lot of fulfillment in, they also have eachother. It sounds like you value different things in life to them.

Yes and presumably this type of person has other very fixed ideas about the "life script" that we all must follow.

I was a real homebody in my late 20s but, as DH and I chose not to have kids, we've been able to do a hell of a lot of socialising and exciting travel in our late 30s/early 40s, which we now actually have the money for.

for what to have a good 80s to 90s?

Sounds like a lovely life to me! I had DC1 when I was 27 so I definitely wasn't travelling and partying!

This is one of the saddest posts I’ve ever read. It sounds like your daughter has a wonderful life and she’s happy.

If I was her, I’d be begging for YOU to traveling and give me peace. She gets to decide how to lead her life and what makes her happy.

You sound like Edina and Saffy in Ab Fab!

OMG, I'm another one who clicked on this thread and thinking your DD and her partner stay on the couch all day, no job, taking drugs and stoned all time.

They sound really well matched. They have hobbies. They are travelling (to the Peak District). I assume they have jobs. What's wrong? Let them pick their own paths and live their lifes. Stop intervening with your idea of fun.

Where in the world did you go to tenerife or Thailand, was it holidays or working or just getting wrecked with your friends?

You have provided your Dd with a safe environment in what im assuming is a nice safe area, her and her boyfriend are a reflection of that they want to live a nice "cosy " life.

I feel like this thread is probably a wind-up - but it's the Edina/Saffy thing, isn't it? As someone else who was probably too wild in their youth, I think there's a lot to be said for being into furniture restoration and hiking through the Peak district, instead of raves and class As. That doesn't make you happy once the drugs wear off, unlike a nice piece of classic furniture or the sense of achievement of having climbed Kinder Scout. Count your blessings and leave them to it, OP!

Indeed! I don’t think you called your daughter BORING enough OP.

You sound like a “cool mum”. Is that a thing? My mum tried to persuade me to dye my hair blonde and get my belly button pierced when I was a teenager. I thought it was tragic.

Why do you want anything for your child apart from them to find their own sense of purpose and contentment? So so weird (and nasty).

YABU! That’s their business how they spend their lives, not yours! Not everyone likes clubbing and drinking.