He said this right after sex.

[pinkpeta]

I have a male friend. We are quite close. We’ve been having sex on and off for a decade now. In that time I have put on weight. 20kgs to be precise. He knows I’m unhappy with my weight. In this time he’s lost weight and is probably in the best shape of his life. I am trying my hardest to lose the weight.

Last time we had sex, we talked about it a few days later and he said something to the effect of “there was a point where I held on to your stomach and I thought “oh s* that big”. He wasn’t joking.

I hang up almost immediately. I haven’t spoken to him since. He called me about 20 times that day.
how would you have reacted to that? I feel very hurt and I think what makes it worse is that I can’t speak to anyone I know about it because it’s so embarrassing. Strangely it’s made me feel very isolated and upset.

This doesn’t mean I won’t ever speak to him again but I’m just processing my feelings and want to know what others think.

Stop having sex with this little boy immediately. End the friendship block and move on. The dynamics have changed and it’s all on him. You need to start treasuring your body like the temple it is and wait to give it to someone who actually deserves you or at the very least shows you respect. This is nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Get him gone please 🙏

*i should also add, he messaged too and said “i guess your phone is broken or something” when i didn’t answer the rest of the calls he messaged again saying “oh i guess it’s still broken”. He knows it isn’t. He has seen by posts on socials and I’ve seen his so he knows it’s fine.

Just seen your update!
i think you know the answers and what to do. In regards to him trying to contact it’s obvious.
he knows he messed up and now he’s running to you because he’s worried after his stupid insult that you will stop having nice old convenient sex with him. please help yourself and get some self respect. Hes not even a boyfriend at this point!

Hes not your friend. Friends don't think that, let alone say it. He's some guy who knows he can get sex from you.

I wouldn’t ever speak to him again. I CERTAINLY wouldn’t have sex with him again. He’s an arsehole.

@DeathStare this! This vile cockroach just sees OP as an easy lay!

@UniqueGoldNewtwe are just friends. He’s never been my boyfriend.

No OP you're not friends. Please don't kid yourself this man is your friend. He isn't. Friends are kind to you and have your back.

Somethings common sense would tell you not to say out loud

but you do need to address it if for whatever reason you don’t want t to end the friendship
texting would be a good option

“ I’ve not being answering your calls as you really offended me . As you know I’m very self conscious and unhappy about my weight. To point that out and say my shit that’s big and grab my stomach has upset me and made me feel even more self conscious. I’m at a loss why you would be so hurtful we’ve been friends for years “

But the key factor is you know the guy .was he being thoughtless and insensitive or was he being a twat

I was only responding the end of @UniqueGoldNewt2nd comment as she said something about him not being a boyfriend. Just clarifying the context of our relationship.

This will definitely be ending my friendship with a guy like that. I assume he knew that you are trying to lose weight and that it is a sensitive subject. He is not a nice person and has clearly continued to use you for sex despite feeling a certain way about your extra weight.

Thanks for your reply. He’s had a history of saying very hurtful things. He is known for being blunt but in recent years he’s managed to tame it and it hasn’t been a problem for a while.

also just to clarify (I may have read your message wrong) but it didn’t happen in the act. He told me this after. That it was something he thought when he grabbed my stomach at some point during the sex.

Everyone on forums is very keen on the 'cut off and block' method. You've been friends with this man for a decade and he fucked up and put his foot in his mouth; he knows and tried to reach out to fix it. You have every right to be upset and you probably don't want to have sex with him again now and that's on him. But I would still meet and talk about it if he wants to. Friends are hard to find and people fuck up. That's called being human.

He'd be dead to me. I suggest you seriously think about cutting him off. Don't let him make you feel bad about something you're actively working on
and for which he should be more tactful, mannered and understanding. His new abs have gone to his head.

I'm trying to lose weight these days. A few years ago a friend I was then close to - who was hardly slim himself - admitted to stalking my fb and saying he could see I used to be smaller/ had been attractive!

I also used to bake for work at the time (my pleasure was making the bloody cakes & perhaps having one slice, I worked with soldiers who very much enjoyed the eating and would snaffle them so the arrangement was perfect). Same bloke commented that perhaps less cake would help!

He probably wasn't technically wrong but I bloody well wasn't going to let someone- and a human labrador of all people, who failed his annual military fitness test- treat me that way. We don't talk now. He's still stout and very greedy.

This is why I feel torn. Because to be quite honest, there are a lot of things that he has done for me and other than this he’s been a great friend. He’s supported me and my kids at some of the toughest times in life. I’m currently going through a really rough time with some other things and he’s the only one that knows the full extent and has done everything he can to help. Additionally I should mention, the sex is very infrequent some have suggested he’s using me but over the course of the decade it hasn’t been consistent. It happens in bursts when we are both single and then it may not happen for a year or 2 etc. I get that it sounds like I’m being used but the arrangement has been mutually beneficial.

Hmm I have a different perspective. I am very direct and have some brutally honest friends. He may have been speaking his mind, without meaning to hurt you, as he may feel given the context of your friendship that he can be unfiltered with you.

So to be clear you've been having sex with the "friend" on and off for years but he has not met your boyfriend.

Presumably you are also having sex with your boyfriend? Is your boyfriend aware of this fwb?

😂😂

I don’t have a partner. I haven’t had a serious partner since Covid. I didn’t want to date until my youngest was a little older. Which is now. So this year I had a few dates but nothing serious yet.

Not really sure where I said anything about meeting a boyfriend.

I would give him a chance to apologise and react accordingly. Tell him he hurt you and see how he replies. Hopefully he will say "I was a total idiot and I've been metaphorically kicking myself to pieces and I'm so so sorry". If he says something pathetic then you can cut him off confident that it's the right decision. But if you don't give him a chance you'll never know. People say stupid stuff sometimes, shame to lose an old friendship over one incredibly stupid comment if he is trying to apologise properly.

I'd be mortified. I think what's worse, is that he hasn't apologised or sent any messages asking what he's done wrong or if you're OK and try to make amends. He clearly does thing that something is up but instead he's made silly comments about your phone bring broken.

He may well be blunt, or forthright as rude people often like to think of themselves, bit there's no way he can't have known that a comment like that would have hurt.

I think this is where FWB situations can get tricky. A friend shouldn't have said that, but someone who you're just shagging and the whole relationship is based on attraction might have done. It would still be rude, either way.

I had a friendship like this between the ages of 19 and 35 then 45 to now. I always thought it strange when people gave our friendship a sex related description, we were pretty good friends, met each others partners, no jealousy or weirdness or flirting outside of the few flings during single times.

The reason for the ten year gap was during our final fling it's like he forgot I was his friend and behaved very thoughtlessly. I didn't want to speak to him, he kept trying. I didn't intend for it to go on so long but weeks then months passed and then I thought why should I work to get past this hurt feeling. I truly believe that some men see you differently when you're a person they have sex with - that's all they see. I didn't realise he had become one of them.

We became friends again due to very unusual circumstances and I'm enjoying his company but I would never ever get intimate with him again.

This man has hurt you. Give it time and decide if you miss him enough to talk it out. Never sleep with him again.

What he said was really horrible! He was blunt but clearly hasn’t noticed as he’s still not apologised.

As you’ve been friends for a long time then I’d give him the chance to apologise but I’d also put him in his place. I would message him to say how disgusting and hurtful his comment was and remind him that there’s things you just don’t say to people, no matter how good a friend they are.

I would also stop having sex with him, even if it’s a mutual beneficial thing, I just wouldn’t put myself in that position again.

thank you for your reply. Yes I think that’s it. I will never ever ever have sex with him again.