He said this right after sex.

[pinkpeta]

I have a male friend. We are quite close. We’ve been having sex on and off for a decade now. In that time I have put on weight. 20kgs to be precise. He knows I’m unhappy with my weight. In this time he’s lost weight and is probably in the best shape of his life. I am trying my hardest to lose the weight.

Last time we had sex, we talked about it a few days later and he said something to the effect of “there was a point where I held on to your stomach and I thought “oh s* that big”. He wasn’t joking.

I hang up almost immediately. I haven’t spoken to him since. He called me about 20 times that day.
how would you have reacted to that? I feel very hurt and I think what makes it worse is that I can’t speak to anyone I know about it because it’s so embarrassing. Strangely it’s made me feel very isolated and upset.

This doesn’t mean I won’t ever speak to him again but I’m just processing my feelings and want to know what others think.

It all depends on the particular people involved, because there are no set rules.

I wouldn't be upset about him saying that but if you've been FWB's for 10 years I find that pretty unusual to be honest. Having sexual relations with someone for a decade without it going anywhere, no girlfriends or boyfriends or other life/relationship progression?

Most twatty men like this guy can have great points, but still be twats.
He was very nasty, when you were vulnerable.
I wouldn't be quick to get over that.
Mind yourself OP.
Loosing weight is so hard.
One day at a time.
You will get there.
Good luck.

I understand that but what about love, it it allowed to be said in FWB's but not fuck buddys.

Is "i love you" said in FWB's and fuck buddys.

What differenciates affairs from FWBs if they are also conducted by people who are not single.

Tbh I don’t get it, I couldn’t be spending that much time and energy on someone who ultimately doesn’t see me as someone worthy of respect. No one with a modicum of thought in their head makes unflattering comments about a lover’s body.

I suspect op you sadly have been treated poorly and your ‘lovely’ friend is someone who is giving you the bare minimum and expecting a lot of you. Two/three hour daily phone calls and occasional sex sounds like a shit friendship, fwb-ship or whatever you want to call it. And it takes up a lot of your time and headspace so it’s hard for you to figure out what you want or find the time to spend with people who have your best interests at heart. I imagine this man is as a bare minimum incredibly selfish and self centred.

I would say it puts a female's life on hold far more than a mans.

Men seem to be able to drop by and drop in and out of women's lives much easier.

Yes, I think you're right. I think this guy is wasting the OP's time and his behaviour needs to improve but she doesn't need to stand by and be the mentor that helps him make those improvements.

They aren’t in a relationship, they have very occasional sex. He isn’t wasting her time, that would only apply if they were in a relationship or she wished one. Occasional sex is just occasional sex.

She speaks to him for hours each day. It is a chronic waste of her life.

Depends what they're speaking about. I've had FWBs I could talk to for ages about history or art.

So, that stil doesn’t mean she’s in a relationship with him. For two people to be in a romantic relationship they both need to agree that, one of them, or you foe that matter can’t decide they are unilaterally simply as they talk a lot. And she said they are good friends and he does a lot for her. The sex is very occasional at best.

im surprised how many people just can’t seem to accept a woman would chose to have sex without a relationship. To even this extent where someone even pretends it must be one.

and it’s not a chronic waste of her life if they both like it. Christ social media could be argued as a chronic waste and you’re on here.

No one I know ever calls their friends for hours every day. They are in a relationship of sorts, even if it is hidden and unofficial and it appears now contempt and complacency has set in.

If you dh was talking to another woman for hours every day you would rightly call it an emotional affair.

They are friends, please stop trying to convince her she’s in a romantic relationship. She isn’t, she’s an adult and she knows better than you.

That's the thing. These boards will tell you not to speak to him again but you have decades of a relationship and see the fuller picture, good and bad. I certainly would never sleep with him again.

I also don't love that he called you so many
times, but I might give him another chance based on him being a good friend to you and your kids.

I have several single friends, in their 50's that 100% do not want a relationship but have friendships that are occasionally FB situations.

Not everyone wants a relationship.
Sometimes women want comfortable, safe, no pressure sex.
What's so difficult to understand.
They are friends primarily and sometimes a bit more....if it suits.

He unfortunately decided to be a total twat and let himself down.
OP has gotten the ick for him sexually, which I can understand.
Perhaps they can still be friends again.
But ultimately he has shown himself to be a major twat.

His loss, big time. Op sounds great.

I doubt whether he'll be so keen to help her if sex is taken off the table.

Men are like that.

That makes no sense they’ve been friends for over a decade can go two years between having sex, it’s very unfrequent and doesn’t happen if they have other partners, in addition he’s helped her a lot. So no, I doubt if sex is taken off the the table he will run as it’s been taken off before and he didn’t.

Well everyone telling the OP to just get over it. I suspect the FWB is part of being able to be intimate with someone you sexed with a decade and not getting judged by a new guy. If it were so easy to find a new guy who doesnt judge a growing woman then the OP would probably already replaced the fwb. So be careful. talk to the fwb and see if its something thats gonna be a problem. even a husband or bf can say a dumb shaming comment and need to regroup.