He said this right after sex.

[pinkpeta]

I have a male friend. We are quite close. We’ve been having sex on and off for a decade now. In that time I have put on weight. 20kgs to be precise. He knows I’m unhappy with my weight. In this time he’s lost weight and is probably in the best shape of his life. I am trying my hardest to lose the weight.

Last time we had sex, we talked about it a few days later and he said something to the effect of “there was a point where I held on to your stomach and I thought “oh s* that big”. He wasn’t joking.

I hang up almost immediately. I haven’t spoken to him since. He called me about 20 times that day.
how would you have reacted to that? I feel very hurt and I think what makes it worse is that I can’t speak to anyone I know about it because it’s so embarrassing. Strangely it’s made me feel very isolated and upset.

This doesn’t mean I won’t ever speak to him again but I’m just processing my feelings and want to know what others think.

Has anyone worked out what he actually said?

Hair dryer treatment?

Give him a piece of your mind.

What you do is reassess the situation. People often say that stonewalling is not a good thing but it is a tactic that I have always used when I knew that if I had said something, it would have been so foul, it would have been final. Seeing you have been sharing your favours with him for nearly a decade, he has been onto a good thing. Time for it to stop and for you to stop it. Also, reassess your own situation. You don't seem to be in a long term relationship so decide what you want for you and get a plan together, be it taking a walk each day, cutting out a certain whatever. Look to the future. Close this chapter and use it as an opportunity to put yourself into the favourable light you would like to see yourself in. You are the architect of your own future. Do you want this 'grotty garden shed' ruining the view? Get it removed.

you know , this has actually been what it’s done for me so far. I normally struggle with staying on my eating plan etc. Everyday is a genuine struggle but since then, every time I want to eat the wrong thing, I remember what he said and it makes me angry and the craving goes.

😂🤣 the lack of comprehension is crazy

Which is even worse! Who has sex with a ‘friend’ for ten years !

I guess if he apologised and you get on well you could keep him as a friend.

but how could you ever feel safe having sex again? He’s told you what he’s thinking when he had sex with you…

I think only you know whether he's shallow and is turned off by your body now, and someone who just says what he thinks and doesn't care how it lands.

Or, he's still attracted to your body, is just insensitive/clueless/tactless and was commenting on it factually and honestly, not thinking it was a big deal because he doesn't see it as a big deal or a problem. And he wouldn't have wanted to upset you and would/is feeling bad about that.

me.

He’s shallow but that’s not my concern. He won’t get the opportunity to touch me again

I would definately rethink this FWB situation. Your life is full and demanding with young children....youre struggling with your weight and clearly with your self esteem as you're not happy with it and battling to lose it and very self aware. What is this man contributing to your life thats positive and doesnt make you feel worse about everything? Casual sex is very difficult to manage for most people, and the element of friendship means lines get blurred. I encourage you to take a step back. Put yourself first. Accept his apology if thats what you want to do, but dont sleep with this man again - rather take the energy that goes into this friendship and the periodic shags that happen and put it towards your own life, your future and towards meeting someone who will accept and love you and build a relationship with you thats more than snide insults and a fuck. Sorry to be so blunt, but this is your chance to come to your senses and choose something better for yourself. Youll always be wondering if hes thinking how fat you are every time he touches you from here on in. So dont put yourself through that - take this as a watershed moment where you do something active to change your life and your choices.

Yes because at 5am I’m gonna make up a story and spend 2 hours replying to comments for what purpose ??

This is unkind and unnecessary.

If you've been 'fuckbuddies', (nothing wrong with that, I have a similar friendship) then he messed up with what he said, and understandably you felt really hurt. Seems your friendship has more positives than negatives, so talk to each other about it - let him know how and why you felt hurt, give him the chance to apologise, and see if you can both move on in a positive way. 🙂

Well I’d rather be me than a mean internet troll.

It's absolutely honest and genuine, and literally nothing on this site is necessary, including your reply.

If he’s a friend he very probably didn’t mean to hurt you. He just said something hurtful without thinking about what he is saying. And it seems like he’s realised and is sorry.

Weight is one of those things that everyone notices, can see it, but shouldn’t talk about it really for fear of upsetting someone. Hopefully you can both move past it and continue enjoying your friendship, if that’s what you want to do.

He contributes a lot to be fair. Aside from this we almost never fall out. He’s very supportive and has helped my kids and I many times over the years. Not things I want to go into on here but normally our friendship is quite stable and drama free

I have a similar friend who I used to sleep with a few years ago, he made a comment about me having pubic hair and I haven’t had sex with him since. Men can be ass holes and the 100% know they are in the wrong. don’t give this guy sex again, anyone you sleep with should tell you how amazing your body is, no way should they make comments on how fat you are. If he’s so bloody perfect he can go find it elsewhere, you are worth more.

Very dramatic responses..

10 years of friendship, and he has been a decent guy to you (as you describe) over the years.

That means it is likely:

1, he thought you were comfortable enough as old friends to take this kind of comment
2, he forgot or didn't think about your feelings about weight

Or both.

Either way, if he is the decent guy you generally describe - 1 conversation where you say that it upset you, and he apologizes would be better than discarding a 10 year friendship over a single comment.