Page 7 | Daughter going to uni - can't stop crying

MrsRonaldWeasley · 21/09/2025 17:31

FancyQuoter · 21/09/2025 17:29

you know it's that attitude that means so many kids nowadays have no resilience whatsoever.

Going all "poor you" and patting on the back helps no one.

Show quote history

Genuinely confused. Who is patting who on the back??

RampantIvy · 21/09/2025 17:32

DappledThings · 21/09/2025 14:41

It really is a very strange world in WIWIKAU. Absolutely obsession over aspect of these young adults and their new friendships and living arrangements and no concept of letting them actually find their own feet.

I keep my membership of it as I have a professional interest but also because it's like a car crash you can't not watch.

Show quote history

I unsubscribed from WIWIKAU after DD graduated.

There were some incredibly helpful posters on there, but I agree there are a lot of parents who seem very reluctant to let go of the apron strings. I got a post pulled when I challenged someone because their DC didn't know how to cook because he was a boy (her words, not mine).

I feel that a lot of parents aren't preparing their DC for independence and wear it as a badge of honour that their young person can't cook, doesn't know how to clean and doesn't know how to use a washing machine.

I also feel that there are too many young people who would benefit from a gap year to learn how to be more independent and resourceful and to mature before going to university.

OldBeyondMyYears · 21/09/2025 17:43

Being sad is normal…even a bit of a cry as you wave them off! But ‘crying uncontrollably’ is a little extreme I feel.

Be sad, but also revel in the fact that you’ve done such a great job raising your children that they are able to leave home, be independent, and forge their own future. YOU did that OP…YOU gave them this courage to step out into the universe and become an adult.

Exhausteddog · 21/09/2025 17:46

A friend of mine teenage son tragically passed away earlier this year and I can not imagine the pain they are going through as a family, and how they have the strength to get up each day and function. I feel unbelievably lucky that my kids are happy and healthy.

But I also felt sad when DD went to uni , even in year 2, because I miss her, and know she struggles with social anxiety and would need time to adjust (DH has also shed a tear or 2 when she leaves, so its not just mums)

I dont think that makes me a bad or unreasonable person. im not for one moment pretending its comparable

Exhausteddog · 21/09/2025 17:51

I feel that a lot of parents aren't preparing their DC for independence and wear it as a badge of honour that their young person can't cook, doesn't know how to clean and doesn't know how to use a washing machine.

My DD used the washing machine perfectly well at home, but she called me today with a pic of the house washing machine because it has completely different programs to ours. To be honest, I had to guess as I was also a bit flummoxed by it!

Rachand23 · 21/09/2025 17:52

Yes OP it’s ok to be upset. I cried in the bathroom everyday for a week when mine went. I promise you it will be ok after a time.

Putneydad7 · 21/09/2025 17:54

I remember my mum crying when I left for Uni and wondered why she got so emotional, then last September I dropped my eldest DS off at Uni and we went up to his room in halls and I had to ask the rest of the family to leave the room for a few minutes while I had a good bawl and then tried to re-compose myself. My wife was surprisingly OK, but she did get maudlin a few weeks later, so it affects people differently and you can't and shouldn't try to suppress your feelings. It takes a while to get over it, but when they come home, they are so much more mature and nicer!! Good luck to all going through it right now.

RampantIvy · 21/09/2025 18:04

Exhausteddog · 21/09/2025 17:51

I feel that a lot of parents aren't preparing their DC for independence and wear it as a badge of honour that their young person can't cook, doesn't know how to clean and doesn't know how to use a washing machine.

My DD used the washing machine perfectly well at home, but she called me today with a pic of the house washing machine because it has completely different programs to ours. To be honest, I had to guess as I was also a bit flummoxed by it!

That's different. I'm talking about DC who have never been near a washing machine. I probably would have been flummoxed by an unfamiliar appliance as well. It's worse when you know that people are queuing up to use them.

restingbitchface30 · 21/09/2025 18:08

This was me 2 years ago. Cried for days. She’s just gone back today after being home for 4 months and I said see ya and cracked on with my day. It gets easier trust me!

MiloMinderbinder · 21/09/2025 18:28

You are mummy. Of course your crying is reasonable. Natural, even. Not everybody does that but you do. So there.

dcthatsme · 21/09/2025 18:29

Gosh I really get this and feel for you OP. I got home a year ago after dropping my younger son off at uni, opened the front door and burst into tears. I have to admit I have found it tough being an empty nester although I have a lovely husband and a great connection with my 2 sons. I know it is the right thing for them to be able to leave us and stand on their own 2 feet and I am happy they are loving uni and having all kinds of new experiences as young adults. I guess it means we have done our job well. This year it has definitely been easier to see them go after being home over the summer. Nonetheless it is bittersweet - we have to let them go - we know this. That's why you're hiding your feelings from your daughter, I understand. I don't think you're behaving in a strange or abnormal way as some posters have suggested. The fact you're hiding your feelings is so you don't in any way guilt-trip or upset your daughter. These young adults have been with us since they were small helpless babies, we cheered them on when they said their first words, took their first steps, we have supported them through school. Of course it's a big wrench when they start the next stage of their journey towards independence. I hope your daughter has a wonderful first year at uni - the fact she's excited and positive is testimony to the great job you're doing as her mum. xxxx

Choochoop · 21/09/2025 19:00

Maybe it’s ok for people to have different feelings? Some cry, some don’t. Crying is ok. We all have reasons why we respond in different ways, based on life experiences. Hugs to everyone going through it, however you feel. It’s a shame to judge people for feeling.

JustMeAndTheFish · 21/09/2025 19:28

I absolutely dreaded my daughters going away to uni… could have cried thinking about if for at least two years before they went.
But, when they went and I dropped them off there were no tears at all because the time was right; they were ready and mature enough to move on.

Buffs · 21/09/2025 19:44

For goodness sake she’ll be back in a matter of weeks,probably asking for money!

Brokeandold · 21/09/2025 19:49

I can still remember driving away after dropping our 2nd DS at Uni, 5 years ago
I thought my heart would break, my DH didn't say a word on the journey home, nor did I.
He was soo excited to go to Uni, he loves coming home tho. He went in 2020, so it was all still about social bubbles, he couldn’t come home until the proper holidays, nor could we visit him until the Summer term.
He’s now even further away doing a PhD, that was heart breaking again last September dropping him off, he was crying, I was crying, his Dad was crying but he absolutely loves it up there ( Edinburgh)
He comes back when he can, me and our DD flew up to stay at the start of the summer , it is a fabulous city
I am dreading the thought of our DD going away in 3 years - she may choose to do something else, not go to Uni, who knows, but if she does , we’ll support her and there will be tears on the way home
You cry as much as you need to, its a natural reaction to sorrow 💐

HazeyjaneIII · 21/09/2025 20:04

It is normal to feel a bit sad and it's normal not to... everyone is different!
I feel proud of my dd1, and anxious for her (but don't let it show)... she has always struggled with anxiety, but has done so well.
These are the next steps in her journey, and I'm there to support her, and not make it all about me.
I didn't get to go with her last weekend, as her brother was ill, and I felt sad to miss the moment... but she had her dad and sister there, and she has sent about 5000 messages 😬...so all is good!
With kindness, having your child grow, and move on and follow their own path through life, is a privilege, sometimes it is bittersweet, but it is what being a parent is all about.. enjoy it.

Beenthroughit · 21/09/2025 20:05

It is sad, a bit like when your child goes off to school. But you do adjust. Keep in touch, because however prepared they are they will have a point when they get ready and worry about have they done the right decision. Be there for them, they may well want to ring/ message/ whatever, as they settle down, there will be hiccups along the way and you out are someone they can rely on. We took the sibling to see them at half term, and by then they had got to know their new town a bit. All through the 4 years they were there there were times when they needed a bit of help, if we were in the area we would drop by with a bag of food! They need someone reliable for longer than you'd think, not all the time, .but someone who has their back.

GiveDogBone · 21/09/2025 20:10

When would you be ok with her leaving the house, or when would you not cry? I mean yeah it’s a difficult time, they’ve reached adulthood, etc - but that’s what parenting is about: preparing them for adulthood. You’ve done your job, be happy you have time to spend on yourself.

You can always get a dog if you don’t have one, that’s what quite a few of my friends did.

maltravers · 21/09/2025 20:21

I warned mine beforehand that I might “get a bit emotional” when saying goodbye, but they weren’t to worry or pay it any heed because I’d be fine afterwards and was proud of them and pleased for them. Some of us can’t help the odd tear. OP, keep busy and it will be fine, she will be back soon enough, full of fun and exciting stories hopefully.

Katosmum · 21/09/2025 21:47

ForRealMember · 20/09/2025 10:39

My eldest daughter is heading to uni and I can't stop crying.(I am trying my best to hide it from her). She is excited but nervous and I am so proud of her. I just feel grief and panic even though she will come back to visit. I have a lovely husband, lovely younger daughter and friends but I am still so upset. Is this normal?

My youngest son left on his own to fly to the USA to university, I couldn’t bear to even go to Heathrow with him as I thought I would cry so much (my husband took him and gave him a lovely happy send off) I was so upset that I couldn’t settle him in his dorm and buy him stuff for his room, but 5 weeks on he’s settled and having an amazing experience, I’m proud of his resilience, pleased that the fridge stays full and the laundry basket empty ! We chat once a week and I know he’ll be home for Christmas.

Trishyb10 · 21/09/2025 22:21

I was 50-50 … half upset and half overjoyed the mountain of meals,housework and dridgery was going to be considerably lessened ! ha. Its a positive step for you to move on with your own life, a new adventure/chapter for you xx

Chocaholic4672 · 22/09/2025 00:53

I understand what you are going through I had similar feelings. I have 2 children the oldest has significant learning and physical disabilities. J
just want to offer a different perspective.
Be thankful that she can be independent, make new friends, have new experiences. You will always be her mum and she will always love you but this is an amazing experience for her. These are memories that will shape her future.
Be proud that you have a daughter who is brave and confident to step forward and have a new adventure. To have done the best job as a mum

Onceisenoughta · 22/09/2025 01:54

Every parent is different. Mine went to Uni but stayed local and travelled 2/3 times a week. Absolutely their choice - we discussed everything openly and honestly - they led the conversations and we filled in the gaps - pointing out the pros and cons of moving away or staying. Ultimately the choices were theirs.
I won't lie - the thought of them moving away was awful but I couldn't live with myself if I'd manipulated them and they were unhappy.

Basically they hated Uni but whether that's more because they didn't live-in & missed out on new friendships I don't know but the lack of educational support from Uni has been the major issue. One of them wishes they'd never heard the word Uni and can't wait until it's done.

Meantime I've struggled seeing how she's struggled and I'm glad she stayed at home because her friends have had troublesome relationships with fellow students whilst living away.

She's definitely changed, matured, grown and I'm happy I've seen that happen - even that tears at your heartstrings but I remember leaving home at 22 and never gave a thought to how my parents felt - I give her the freedom to choose her own direction and if it hurts me I get used to it eventually.

You're only human & we don't always do the right thing, we just have to try harder not to clip their wings in the process.

SandyY2K · 22/09/2025 02:21

It's a bit extreme.
I missed my kids when they left for university, but I wasn't crying or upset - apart from thinking about the cost 😅

MellersSmellers · 22/09/2025 08:01

Yes, it's very hard but letting go is something you MUST do as a parent. You've given her wings, now she must fly.
Believe me, things will get easier and by the time your DD gets back at Christmas you will find that you quite like not having to clear up after her and being able to chose what's on telly! Also, she WILL be back! not just during vacations (and summer vac is verrryyy long) but also, in all likelihood, at the end.