It’s normal to be emotional. DS started uni last year and I thought that the house would never feel the same. Two weeks after he left I had cleaned out his room and using it as my TV room ( he has a huge TV) when DH was watching sport, which is most of the time. I will be doing the same next week. I had planned a huge clear out last year to keep me busy but unfortunately my DSis was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and I spent most of September and October commuting to spend time with her in the hospice. By the time I was ready to tackle the house DS was back for Christmas.
After 3 mnths of him being at home over the summer I couldn’t wait for him to go back to uni. My shopping bill has halved overnight. They change over their first year at uni and are much more independent but do treat home like a hotel. Two weeks into the summer break I stopped cooking for DS because he was never in or didn’t fancy what we were eating.
When I dropped him off I had a quick look around his new flat then made a hasty retreat. We helped him unpack into his room in halls, as most parents do, but I left him to it this time fully expecting to go back next week and find him living under a pile of boxes and bags. It’s his 21st birthday next week and we are going to take him out for lunch. I arrived home a couple of hours after leaving him and he’d messaged me with a video of his room all unpacked. He has gone down early to do Freshers again, it’s much more fun in your 2nd and 3rd year, and to celebrate three 21st birthdays over 3 days so he realised that he needed to unpack before he started drinking and could recover from the hangovers in his bed.
I will admit to a couple of tears when I pulled onto our drive but to be honest it’s the dog that misses him most.
One thing I did notice is that he rings me for a chat much more often. And unlike the “what did you do at school” conversations, he tells me about some of the funny things they have been doing. I often get group calls via FaceTime for input about cooking or car problems. I ran my own business for years so have an encyclopaedic knowledge about what to do in emergencies. I have been consulted on roast potatoes, car maintenance, medical problems, IT problems and connecting all things electrical. But I remember my mum being utilised the same way when I was in a house share as a student. The boys had her on speed dial for all things culinary. I’m retired so almost always available and with a medical background I don’t judge or panic.
The one bit of advice that I reinforce with DS is what to do if he is ill. Meningitis is quite common in students for a number of reasons. Firstly encourage them to have all the meningitis vaccines, unless they missed out they should be up to date. Secondly, if they have any of the symptoms, they must let their flat mates know, leave their door open, preferably propped open and ask flatmates to check on them regularly. Thirdly seek medical help sooner rather than later. A call to 111 will be taken seriously.
DS had a really bad dose of flu a month after starting. I picked him up and brought him home. He is never ill or rather he rarely complains if he is and had an almost perfect attendance record at school from reception to sixth form. So if he is asking for painkillers I know he is very ill. I may suggest that he gets a flu vaccine this year.