Help, I’m pregnant and don’t want to be

HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 2025-09-19T05:51:15+00:00

Hi everyone, I’m posting her for traffic as I really need some advice. I am 26. I’m in a low paid job, I live at home and I want to go travelling within the next year (probably around work, with cheaper weekend breaks and longer weekends instead of the full six months off work backpacking). My parents are happy with this arrangement and are actively encouraging it - they want me to see the world before I settle down to a husband and children and a mortgage. I have just got back from a holiday and in all the excitement I didn’t realise I’d missed my period. I checked last night and it’s nearly two weeks late. I took a test this morning and it’s a big old positive. I can’t have a child at the moment. I am not financially, emotionally or physically prepared to have one. But I also can’t reach out to my mum for advice, I have always been a big supporter of women’s right to choose and she has always been pretty clear that she doesn’t agree with abortion. For her or anyone else. I don’t know what to do now. Do I tell my GP? Do I need to tell the dad? He’s a mutual friend and I would be able to reach out, but I kind of worry that he would want to have the baby, which I definitely don’t want to do. I know a lot of people will tell me I’m irresponsible for allowing this to happen, or that I’m selfish for not wanting to continue the pregnancy because I want to travel, but what are the next steps?? Who do I contact?

Sirzy · 19/09/2025 06:53

Do you have a friend you can reach out to? Ideally you need someone in real life who can hand hold throughout the next few weeks. Virtual hand holds are great but can’t replace the real thing.

Make a GP appointment to discuss things and arrange for next steps.

Telling the father is up to you, if you think he will be supportive great if you think he will add the stress then don’t. You need to put yourself first.

Take care and good luck

ComfortFoodCafe · 19/09/2025 06:54

You need to contact your gp who will put you in touch with the correct service. Your not selfish at all, not even a smidge.

parietal · 19/09/2025 06:55

Look up BPAS and Marie Stopes. If you can’t get to your gp, you can also call them and get information about your options.

RhaenysRocks · 19/09/2025 06:56

Your local family planning clinic. Just call them. They'll help you talk through options and decide and book an appointment. I actually don't think you need to tell the dad at this point if you are sure you'll be terminating. He can't override your choice so what would be gained from doing so? Realistically he's highly unlikely to tell you he'll step up and take the child. It's a shame you can't confide in your mum but that's a dynamic none of us can comment on as we don't know you or her. Stay calm, one step at a time. Make the call today. This is definitely one problem that you can't ignore.

Original poster

HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 06:56

Sirzy · 19/09/2025 06:53

Do you have a friend you can reach out to? Ideally you need someone in real life who can hand hold throughout the next few weeks. Virtual hand holds are great but can’t replace the real thing.

Make a GP appointment to discuss things and arrange for next steps.

Telling the father is up to you, if you think he will be supportive great if you think he will add the stress then don’t. You need to put yourself first.

Take care and good luck

I’m going to tell my best friend later, she lives about an hour away but I think she’d come over if I needed.

I just feel like I’ve failed a bit. This wasn’t a part of the plan

OP posts:

Original poster

HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 06:57

ComfortFoodCafe · 19/09/2025 06:54

You need to contact your gp who will put you in touch with the correct service. Your not selfish at all, not even a smidge.

Thank you, I’ll give them a call today on my way to work

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RhaenysRocks · 19/09/2025 06:59

If it was due to carelessness rather than a contraceptive failure then do learn from this yes, especially if you're going travelling and may have some random encounters (nothing wrong with that). But nothing to be gained from beating yourself up. Its happened, so deal. That's what a adulting is. You can do this, add it to your life experiences and move on.

SunSparkle · 19/09/2025 07:00

Marie stopes or BPAS should be able to get you an appointment to discuss your options depending on your gestation. It’s your body and your choice.

Original poster

HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 07:01

RhaenysRocks · 19/09/2025 06:59

If it was due to carelessness rather than a contraceptive failure then do learn from this yes, especially if you're going travelling and may have some random encounters (nothing wrong with that). But nothing to be gained from beating yourself up. Its happened, so deal. That's what a adulting is. You can do this, add it to your life experiences and move on.

I am 99.99999% sure i was protected, as I take my pill religiously, but obviously now I can’t be sure!

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Lelophants · 19/09/2025 07:03

This is very early days op so even a lot of anti abortion people are understanding of it at this stage. Just in case thet helps with any guilt. Get it sorter sooner rather than later but I also wonder if you need to get therapy to sort out how you feel about it all as you don’t want your mum’s views to infiltrate you later on in life mentally.

ShesTheAlbatross · 19/09/2025 07:03

You don’t have to speak to your GP if you don’t want to. You can call either Marie Stopes or BPAS - one of them will cover your area, if you call the wrong one they’ll direct you to the other one. They can also offer counselling if you want it.

My two cents, if you are sure you want an abortion, is that if you aren’t going to tell your parents (which is absolutely your right), ask for a surgical abortion, and have it as early as they’ll do it. I’ve had one at 6 weeks, and physically speaking it was extremely simple. I was in the room for less than 10 mins, actual procedure was less than two mins, and then I had light bleeding for a few days after.

RhaenysRocks · 19/09/2025 07:04

If you were travelling it's easy to lose track and if this was a casual encounter then condoms really ought to be used also to protect against STDs. Surely you know this? Anyway, by the by now. There really is no point in looking back, only forward. Next steps.

Original poster

HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 07:05

RhaenysRocks · 19/09/2025 07:04

If you were travelling it's easy to lose track and if this was a casual encounter then condoms really ought to be used also to protect against STDs. Surely you know this? Anyway, by the by now. There really is no point in looking back, only forward. Next steps.

I wasnt travelling at the time.

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Original poster

HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 07:07

ShesTheAlbatross · 19/09/2025 07:03

You don’t have to speak to your GP if you don’t want to. You can call either Marie Stopes or BPAS - one of them will cover your area, if you call the wrong one they’ll direct you to the other one. They can also offer counselling if you want it.

My two cents, if you are sure you want an abortion, is that if you aren’t going to tell your parents (which is absolutely your right), ask for a surgical abortion, and have it as early as they’ll do it. I’ve had one at 6 weeks, and physically speaking it was extremely simple. I was in the room for less than 10 mins, actual procedure was less than two mins, and then I had light bleeding for a few days after.

Do you need to be put under for a surgical abortion? I think I’d prefer it but I don’t want to be put to sleep!

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Randomlygeneratedname · 19/09/2025 07:09

Just Google your local service and give them a call, at this very early stage it's just like an exaggerated period. Learn from it as you don't want to be travelling then find yourself in the same situation but stuck somewhere you can't do anything about it.

Don't beat yourself up OP, every woman should have the right to choose. I personally wouldn't tell the father as it could just add stress to the situation, some people won't agree with that but you just have to make your own mind up.

Francestein · 19/09/2025 07:10

Hi Honey… big hugs. Maybe make an appointment at the local sexual health clinic if you are not comfortable discussing it with your GP. I’m sorry you can’t discuss it with your parents. I would want to be there for my daughters if they went though this. I have been there myself and while it’s not a great experience, I can honestly tell you that it’s not as bad as you may think and the physical and emotional recovery afterwards doesn’t have to be the big drama you see on tv. I don’t regret mine. I have never for one second regretted it. I now have three adult kids and I love them dearly. I have never felt a moment’s guilt for choosing not to carry a baby I wasn’t physically, financially or emotionally prepared for. I hope you have a friend or relative that you trust to support you and respect your decision and privacy. I hope this helps you.

lottiestars76 · 19/09/2025 07:11

I would lean on your best friend for support and get into contact with either your GP or local family planning services. Please don’t beat yourself up, it would be unfair to everyone involved if you made a decision based on what others wanted and not you. It’s your body and your life , you make the decisions right now. It sounds like you are very sure of what you want out of your life right now and that’s a massive positive! You will get through this, just take it a step a time and please make sure you do have your friend there for support so you aren’t alone through this xx

pmtorpmdd · 19/09/2025 07:12

HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 07:07

Do you need to be put under for a surgical abortion? I think I’d prefer it but I don’t want to be put to sleep!

Show quote history

Honestly, it’s the quickest and easiest way and the least traumatic in my experience to be put to sleep (it can be sedation not always full GA) and it’s not a long procedure.

lottiestars76 · 19/09/2025 07:14

Francestein · 19/09/2025 07:10

Hi Honey… big hugs. Maybe make an appointment at the local sexual health clinic if you are not comfortable discussing it with your GP. I’m sorry you can’t discuss it with your parents. I would want to be there for my daughters if they went though this. I have been there myself and while it’s not a great experience, I can honestly tell you that it’s not as bad as you may think and the physical and emotional recovery afterwards doesn’t have to be the big drama you see on tv. I don’t regret mine. I have never for one second regretted it. I now have three adult kids and I love them dearly. I have never felt a moment’s guilt for choosing not to carry a baby I wasn’t physically, financially or emotionally prepared for. I hope you have a friend or relative that you trust to support you and respect your decision and privacy. I hope this helps you.

What an amazing , empathetic post. Your daughters are lucky to have you ♥️

Original poster

HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 07:16

Francestein · 19/09/2025 07:10

Hi Honey… big hugs. Maybe make an appointment at the local sexual health clinic if you are not comfortable discussing it with your GP. I’m sorry you can’t discuss it with your parents. I would want to be there for my daughters if they went though this. I have been there myself and while it’s not a great experience, I can honestly tell you that it’s not as bad as you may think and the physical and emotional recovery afterwards doesn’t have to be the big drama you see on tv. I don’t regret mine. I have never for one second regretted it. I now have three adult kids and I love them dearly. I have never felt a moment’s guilt for choosing not to carry a baby I wasn’t physically, financially or emotionally prepared for. I hope you have a friend or relative that you trust to support you and respect your decision and privacy. I hope this helps you.

Thank you 🩷 I’m going to reach out and then hope that something can be sorted for the week my parents are going on holiday, so I can just get my brother to give me a lift and pick me up. I’ve had an anaesthetic before and it barely affected me, so I’ll be able to just be alone and recover alone!

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SomebodysIcecream · 19/09/2025 07:16

Yes I second what other people have said - contact BPAS or google the service closest to you - don’t even bother with your GP, it will just waste time.

You know what you want, it’s very early stages and this is the best time to deal with it. It’s none of your Mum’s business and she doesn’t need to know.

You can have a surgical abortion without being put to sleep if that’s what you want. It isn’t really painful.

BPAS, etc will go through the options available to you and you can then decide which is easiest for you in your situation.

Best wishes to you and don’t worry - you don’t need to feel guilty about it, it’s not a big deal and it happens to loads of people (they just don’t tell you!)

Original poster

HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 07:17

And I agree @Francesteinyour children are very lucky 🩷

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Highlighta · 19/09/2025 07:18

OP, you sound in a dark place right now. I see some other posters have talked about responsibility etc, but contraception fails some times. That is the long and the short of it, so go easy on yourself.

You don't have to tell the father no. Ultimately the choice is yours and if you do not want this pregnancy telling him might just put more pressure on you.

You do not have to tell your mother either, if you think she will try to sway your decision.

Please do as you planned, go and travel and see some of the world. I am probably your mothers age, and my dd is off travelling now and a pregnancy would devastate her I just know. So I do understand where you are.

Original poster

HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow · 19/09/2025 07:21

Highlighta · 19/09/2025 07:18

OP, you sound in a dark place right now. I see some other posters have talked about responsibility etc, but contraception fails some times. That is the long and the short of it, so go easy on yourself.

You don't have to tell the father no. Ultimately the choice is yours and if you do not want this pregnancy telling him might just put more pressure on you.

You do not have to tell your mother either, if you think she will try to sway your decision.

Please do as you planned, go and travel and see some of the world. I am probably your mothers age, and my dd is off travelling now and a pregnancy would devastate her I just know. So I do understand where you are.

I just feel so gutted.

I know my mum wants the best for me, so she would understand on some level (I hope), but at the same time she had a long journey with infertility before she had me, and had several losses. So she has very strong views and so she doesn’t agree with abortions. I feel for her, and understand her viewpoint, but it’s hard now I just want a hug from her and a reassurance that it’s all going to be okay.

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Chick981 · 19/09/2025 07:23

I echo everyone’s advice around contacting BPAS or Marie Stopes. Depending on how far along you are, you may just be able to have the pill option, which is two pills a certain length of time apart.

I just wanted to reassure you that this isn’t something that will necessarily define your whole life or something that you will regret/ feel guilty about forever. I had one in my 20s (also didn’t tell my parents) and I’ve never for a second regretted it. I have of course thought about it on occasion, but if anything just in way of realising it was definitely the best decision.

Also, I found it no more painful than a heavy period. Not the case for everyone I’m sure but just to again reassure you because that’s the bit I was really nervous about.