Help, I’m pregnant and don’t want to be

[HelpIDontKnowWhatToDoNow]

Hi everyone, I’m posting her for traffic as I really need some advice.

I am 26. I’m in a low paid job, I live at home and I want to go travelling within the next year (probably around work, with cheaper weekend breaks and longer weekends instead of the full six months off work backpacking). My parents are happy with this arrangement and are actively encouraging it - they want me to see the world before I settle down to a husband and children and a mortgage.

I have just got back from a holiday and in all the excitement I didn’t realise I’d missed my period. I checked last night and it’s nearly two weeks late. I took a test this morning and it’s a big old positive.

I can’t have a child at the moment. I am not financially, emotionally or physically prepared to have one. But I also can’t reach out to my mum for advice, I have always been a big supporter of women’s right to choose and she has always been pretty clear that she doesn’t agree with abortion. For her or anyone else.

I don’t know what to do now. Do I tell my GP? Do I need to tell the dad? He’s a mutual friend and I would be able to reach out, but I kind of worry that he would want to have the baby, which I definitely don’t want to do.

I know a lot of people will tell me I’m irresponsible for allowing this to happen, or that I’m selfish for not wanting to continue the pregnancy because I want to travel, but what are the next steps?? Who do I contact?

This. Anything this private that the OP would not be happy to read about on social media should never be shared with anyone, ever. People who seem loyal and loving now can do a 180 in years to come, and can drop you in the shit accidentally too.

You have already made a mistake telling your friend. It is an enormous mistake to tell him.

But you won't be told, and are extremely naively thinking people will support you, not be judgemental, that it won't change how they feel about you and that they will never use this against you. You are also very naive thinking it cannot be used against you.

You're young. You'll learn.

So good luck with it all, and I will leave it there.

Not everyone has shit friends. Not every one cares whether someone would wish to use an abortion against them, in what way would an abortion be used against someone anyway.

A lot of people have shit friends. A lot of people care whether someone would wish to use an abortion against them. You are quite well aware that some people's attitudes DO change and can become negative, judgemental and preachy. Having an abortion can, does and has changed and ruined relationships.

But you already know all this.

There are absolutely zero upsides to telling people her decision. There are many possible downsides.

And, as I said, she is young. She will learn. And good luck to her.

So that's that.

I just want to set your expectations realistically. You will feel physically vulnerable, and depending on the level of material you need to pass, as much of a physical person as you are, you might want to be alone.

I had my termination at 7 weeks.

I've never had a labour so I can't compare it labour, but even though the main event was over quite quickly, the pains and the sweats were like I'd eating a spicy curry, and had to hold it in because there was a queue for the bathroom, whilst also having an IBS flare up.

It also stimulates the bowels, it can be messy and smelly. You may also have some continual bleeding that seems a bit more than a heavy period.

Whatever you decide to do this weekend just make sure your support person knows to give you space is you need it.

What an unpleasant and cynical attitude. I had an abortion and confided in a couple of close friends, some work colleagues and my partner (who later became my husband.) Not one person was unsupportive or judgemental and it didn't change any of my relationships for the worst.

Almost 20 years on, no one has tried to use it against me (and I've told many more people about it since then) and frankly, I don't really see how they could. They could post about it on social media for all I care, I've got nothing to be ashamed of.

OP, I wish you all the best. Do what you need to do to get through the next few days but please remember that you've made the right choice for you. Own that decision and as time moves on, you'll feel empowered by it rather than guilty or ashamed.

What an absolutely pointless, spiteful and unpleasant response written only because you could not actually respond to the fact that I am quite correct.

Move on.

This is so much wiser than the patronising nonsense above. Nobody who knows has never used it against me either. Please don’t worry. Naturally there will be some pro-life people in life, but it’s your body, your choice and NOTHING to be ashamed of x

Wow. Both her friend and the father seem to be supporting her. Maybe let’s not be so black and white?

For what it’s worth we’ve napped on and off all evening. He’s put a waterproof mattress protector on his mattress and he got me those big incontinence pants for if I need them (neither of us are entirely sure if they actually work for a period?! But oh well), when we’ve been awake we’ve been watching my favourite shows and napping. He doesn’t seem to be judging me at all. He’s being exactly what I need right now.

You are not alone here. You have to make a decision which is right for you.
At the moment, you are carrying a bunch of cells, not a baby. If you need to end this pregnancy, for any reason, you can! It's your body, your life. You don't have to tell anyone.
Please feel free to PM me, I'm here if you want to chat thorugh it.
Know you're not alone.

I am so pleased he’s being your champion. It sounds like he’s a rare one that fully understands his part in this. You deserve happiness and health. Don’t let anyone bitter inside your head.

She has already taken the first medication. You could have RTFT.

He’s so apologetic, which I find very sweet! It’s one of those things in life I think. I was really grateful for the nurses too, who said I could contact them if I needed to be off work on Monday, and they’d get a note sorted for me that doesn’t say I’ve had an abortion. I’ve been surprised by how supportive everyone has been.

In the UK no you don't get put to sleep at the early stage your at, you get given tablets, wait for them to work like a heavy period and that's it. If you continue to wait then the options become surgical

You can choose at any stage medical or surgical termination

She knows that. She's already taken the first tablet.
You'd know that if you'd RTFT.

You’re not irresponsible, it happens and it’s fine not to continue with it. It’s actually the sensible option given your situation and desire to travel. Do what is right for you and the quicker you do that the easier it’ll be. You don’t have to tell anyone at all if you don’t want to.

Please OP, you haven't failed at all.
Please seek support from your friend and take care

Hi OP I feel sorry for you. I do think it sounds like the right decision for you is to get an abortion, An unwanted child is not right for you at the moment. As others have said once you go travelling you will need safe protection. I wish you all the best.

R u serious?