Day of Dad’s funeral; Council demand Mum sell her house day after

[Supersimkin7]

Buried Dad Tuesday.

Mum, 88, Parkinson’s, lost her DH of 60
years. She’s shaking with terror today.

I had hoped Social Services would give Mum 24 hours after her husband’s funeral before calling and demanding she sell her house and be moved to a care home asap, house money to be controlled by council, but it was not to be.

SS want permission from her DC (me and DB) to move her asap - we’ve got a month left of private carers. Mum & Dad have spent £650k of their and our money on care. DM is horribly, painfully disabled and needs 24hr care. There’s £0 left.

I told the social worker before funeral that we wanted DM at home for a while before any more major life changes, in case the shock kills her.

SS know Dad died. They know his will is wrongly written and we can’t do equity release as a result.

SS know we can’t pay for more private care, and that they’ll have to fork out for a couple of months respite care with round the clock carers if she at home.

But they rang DB the morning after the funeral to say they wouldn’t provide any care beyond a toilet break once every eight hours.

DM ran a charity for our part of London for 40 years. She worked tirelessly for locals and newcomers alike for a tiny salary. As net contributors to society go, she’s right up
there.

We all know councils lick their lips at the prospect of getting the cash from a London house.

But AIBU - are these social workers being cruel, greedy and dangerous?

They have to assess eldercare. It’s the law.

Why are they demanding she sell her house?

The fact your mum ran a charity for years is irrelevant

I think we need a bit more info, I'm confused about SS involvement being the law.

Is your mum in a Council House or did your parents buy the property under the Right to Buy scheme? Surely they can't just evict her from her home? Can you speak to a solicitor or Citizens Advice to see what her rights are?

SS have to do things by the book but it is incredibly insensitive to force the house sale so soon. Can a deferred payment be put in place? Has DM got over £23,250 in savings? Is DM claiming Attendance Allowance and council tax benefit?
I’m genuinely so sorry for the loss of your father and how distressing this is for you and DM. I wish SS would be more helpful and human for you. Here if you need support.

If she is self funding (either you or her are paying) then she can have whatever care she wants.

if she’s not got any money and SS will be paying for care then they will assess her and care will be provided at whatever level they feel she needs.

round the clock care is generally provided in a care home as it’s cheaper.

does she have the option of downsizing and paying for cars that way?

Presumably to pay for her care.
But could they not put a charge on the house instead?
So that in the fulness of time when the house is sold then they can recoup the cost of her care.
Have you taken legal or financial advice on this?
You need to ASAP.
In the meantime how about contacting local councillor.

They obviously want the money to cover her care costs.
She and her DH spent all their cash on their own care, and now if the mother needs care it’ll need to be funded by the sale of the house.

SS know Dad died. They know his will is wrongly written and we can’t do equity release as a result.

What does this mean?

Edit: I know what equity release is but why does your dad's will mean your mum can't do ER on a house she now owns.

Sorry OP but none of this makes sense on the face of it. You need to explain.

Councils also don't "lick their lips" at getting cash from a house sale because they don't get the cash from a house sale.

They may however insist that individuals use their own assets and resulting funds to pay for their care. Is that what is happening here? I.e. you've run out of your own funds and you want the council to pay for care now, but the council is saying they won't as your mum owns too much value in assets?

How is the will incorrect?

If she's been self funding why are ss involved, if she needs 24hr care then she needs a full care needs and financial assessment, she cant just move into a home, why are the council controlling her money, does she own her house, we're they married, does she have capacity and is there any power of attorney in place. Sorry for your loss, it's a difficult time and I would call the ss manager to ask why they rang. Does she have a parkinsonism nurse.

Sleepeye -

Your choice to harrass & insult a bereaved family in fear and pain probably says more about you than it does about our situation.

Do you mean - your mother needs to move into a care home, and will need to pay for it. Until then, there is a very minimal care package.

Presumably the council have got in touch to let her know finding options, including the house sale.

Equity release seems a very odd option to pay for care, so not sure why that’s relevant (or what it would have to do with a will).

Hi OP, not entirely sure what you are saying here - are you saying that your individual social worker had the ability to halt this individual automated letter about the house and chose not to do so? I imagine the letter was triggered at local council level, is that correct?

'I told the social worker before funeral that we wanted DM at home for a while before any more major life changes, in case the shock kills her.'
What did the social worker say in response, and what did they explain to you in relation to the rules in place for these kinds of circumstances?

Consult age concern they will be able to advise you of your mothers rights
in the meantime sit tight they cannot evict her

You have a month of private care left (already paid for I am presuming) sounds like they are trying to plan for what will happen at the end of this month? What was the long term plan for your Mum before he died? Selling your home to pay for care is what many people have to do. The sale can be deferred though.

I get the timing feels insensitive but it sounds like her care needs are really high, and the care has to be provided by someone - this all needs planning and put in place so that she's not stuck once the private funding runs out?

Sleepeye was not harassing you OP.

I know you must be in turmoil at the moment but your post really doesn't make a lot of sense.

If it is the case that the council are insisting that the house be sold to pay for care, and this is the crux of your distress, then you need to ask for a Deferred Payment Arrangement. This way the council can start providing care and they will take payment for it once the house is sold.

I don't know if that helps, I hope I have interpreted your post correctly.