Day of Dad’s funeral; Council demand Mum sell her house day after

[Supersimkin7]

Buried Dad Tuesday.

Mum, 88, Parkinson’s, lost her DH of 60
years. She’s shaking with terror today.

I had hoped Social Services would give Mum 24 hours after her husband’s funeral before calling and demanding she sell her house and be moved to a care home asap, house money to be controlled by council, but it was not to be.

SS want permission from her DC (me and DB) to move her asap - we’ve got a month left of private carers. Mum & Dad have spent £650k of their and our money on care. DM is horribly, painfully disabled and needs 24hr care. There’s £0 left.

I told the social worker before funeral that we wanted DM at home for a while before any more major life changes, in case the shock kills her.

SS know Dad died. They know his will is wrongly written and we can’t do equity release as a result.

SS know we can’t pay for more private care, and that they’ll have to fork out for a couple of months respite care with round the clock carers if she at home.

But they rang DB the morning after the funeral to say they wouldn’t provide any care beyond a toilet break once every eight hours.

DM ran a charity for our part of London for 40 years. She worked tirelessly for locals and newcomers alike for a tiny salary. As net contributors to society go, she’s right up
there.

We all know councils lick their lips at the prospect of getting the cash from a London house.

But AIBU - are these social workers being cruel, greedy and dangerous?

Don't be so callous towards a grieving OP who is clearly having a very hard time of it.

You obviously know absolutely nothing about the care needs of someone with parkinsons. No, one individual cannot look after them. I'm a nurse and have worked with numerous patients with parkinsons and it's difficult even as a professional care team.

And if you re-read OP’s posts, she’s not expecting the tax payer to fund her mums’ care, just some time to catch their breath between her dad’s funeral and her mum going into care.

Sorry but that isn't what the OP is wanting - to quote her "SS know we can’t pay for more private care, and that they’ll have to fork out for a couple of months respite care with round the clock carers if she at home." And no, they won't and can't fork out for a few months. Even if that was repaid at a later stage, they simply don't have the powers to do what you are / the OP is suggesting. A few months isn't "time to catch their breath". How many few months are they supposed to fund 24 hour respite / home care when they have no powers to provide that funding?

And to be fair, quite apart from the lack of clarity around aspects of all this, we also don't know how much time has already elapsed or even when these conversations with adult social care started - given her advanced ill health it is entirely possibly that plans for residential care had already been in the pipeline before her bereavement, as even if her husband had been fit and healthy up to his death, that level of care would almost certainly have been beyond an elderly person backed up by what would have been some limited carer visits.

The system isn't what it should be or ought to be. It doesn't have scope to be flexible. And yes, at times it seems overpowering and lacking in decency. And if you want to start a campaign to change this you will find social care workers queuing around the block to support your campaign. But right now they can only work within the parameters they have and the (lack of) sustainable budgets and options that they are given. Pretty much every council in the country is way understaffed in social care across the board because they can't find people who want to do the thankless job of being to blame for the inadequacies of the system any more. And who can blame them.

I’m sorry for your loss. SS wouldn’t know the date of a funeral.

Get your DM a social worker, push for care assessment now circs have changed. Then start to look to put house on market, the council can’t withdraw care based on a house sale, they are known to take months.

So sorry for your loss OP. If mother needs round the clock care, and tge plan is a care home, it's best to start this process speedily, as care home places are limited, and the more time you have, the more choice.
The timing is very unfortunate. I doubt it was done with any malice, but possibly by a social worker with a mountain of to do tasks, who overlooked when the funeral was.
I hope things improve, and you find somewhere that is suitable.

I didn’t say, or even suggest any of this. I think we’re talking at cross purposes here. I was agreeing that time was of the essence no matter what the options and that if full time care is needed it’s going to be pretty much immediate once the private care funds run out. So OP needs to consider her options ASAP. And it’s my experience that in these circumstances respite care will not be free, and nor was l suggesting it should be.

https://www.parkinsons.org.uk/information-and-support/nhs-continuing-healthcare

Oh yes they do! Vultures !

Have you ever taken care of an elderly relative yourself?

I thought it was the father that had Parkinson’s.

Then you should probably read the first three lines of the OP's OP again.

OP, how was your DF's will written wrongly?

You should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself. Op has just lost her df and has had to watch her dm's health decline. No child should be forced to care for a parent.

No but neither can the state offer the 24hour care that she needs either

they have no money for private care, they cant do it themselves and social services will only offer 24 hr care in a care home setting - it is the awful truth of growing old and dealing with aging relatives.

What a horrible time for you all.

My mum has advanced dementia and I have cared for her for the last 5 years and we have just started with home carers. We will be in a similar position when the savings run out.

The LA's are awful and don't care, it's just an admin person looking on a sheet of paper full of names, they have no care that behind those names are actual humans going through some of the worst times of their lives.

I am sorry for your loss.

or has children who should take care of her?

I was referring to this part of Kativa12 reply, which is uncalled for.

So she has Parkinson’s and needs 24/7 care and has been assessed as that, yes?

Why has no one done a Continuing Healthcare assessment?

No. They are not vultures. They quite rightly expect everyone to be subject to means testing to access tax payer funds. If one has saving and assets over the minimum threshold then one pays for one’s own care.

I also think the state pension should be means tested too, abx bus passes, and free tv license, and winter fuel payments.

Why should anyone get free anything if they can afford to pay for it themselves?

A bit of an assumption there!

For example I know I wouldn't be capable of looking after anyone, let alone someone needing full time care, due to my own physical disabilities. As the OP's mother is in her 80's, the OP is likely to be around 60 herself anyway. Add in any disabilities or illnesses she has herself and she wouldn't be able to care for anyone - or she may need carers herself for all you know!

The amount of care that seems to be required would mean the OP having to live in the same house, so who gets moved? If the OP herself lives in a one bedroom flat or something then she herself would have to move her entire life, and that's assuming they live in the same part of the country.

@Supersimkin7 You poor love you must be in a right state. You know where to find friends on here if you need us, and big hugs from all chez Allergic Towers.

I am an experienced adult social worker. The local authority cannot force the home to be sold, however if there are monies owing then they can refer it to a debt collection company. There are plenty of people who have a low income but remain at home with a care package. So the LA would looks at maximising income and basing the person's contribution amount towards their care. If she has indeed been assessed as needing 24 hour care they will not fund this level at care at home if there is another option that is better value. Does mum have mental capacity as if she can make the decision that she doesn't want to go into a care home as long as they have explained the benefits and burdens then they cannot force her. If did cannot make the decision a best interest decision can be made but again the LA cannot force someone out of home against their will so would have to seek permission from the court of protection. So I don't really understand what the situation is as it doesn't seem likely, though not saying you are not telling the truth but something isn't right.

I haven’t read the whole thread but you need specialist advice from someone from the Association of Lifetime Lawyers. If someone is living in their home there is a mandatory disregard in terms of means assessment for fees (I specialise in this area of law). Get in touch with someone urgently so they can advise you.

@Supersimkin7 I've pmmed, I do hope it helps x

I sent through the name of the specialist solicitor who helped me secure a package of care funded by a London local authority. This does not sound right.

OP, Social Services CANNOT make anyone sell their house in their lifetime to find care, they must offer a Deferred Payment Agreement (DPA) which pays for the care, the property can then either be sold at your speed or rented out and sold after your DMs death.

They cannot take its value into consideration at all if a qualifying relative lives there.

Have a look at age concern site etc and paying for care, acquaint yourself with the care act.

Sadly I've heard of this happening several times, so suspect OP is telling the truth.

They are not following the care act, it requires the no one should be forced to sell their home in their lifetime - this is achieved by something called a DPA (deferred payment agreement).

OPs mum would go into care with a DPA, its them up to mum and her family to decide if they market the house and sell it in a low stress way or whether they say rent it out until after the mums death and then sell and pay off the DPA.

There is no requirement to sell in the person in cares lifetime

There is also a mandatory disregard on the property (meaning it cannot be counted towards care costs) if a relative under 18, a relative over 60 or a relative who is disabled lives there, in that case no money can be used from the house towards care whilst that situation remains.

I don’t think she’s trying to say it’s relevant I thinks she’s just trying to show what kind of person her mum is. So why be an a$** about it

How about nursery funding, state schooling, medical care? Don’t just go after the old people.