Day of Dad’s funeral; Council demand Mum sell her house day after

[Supersimkin7]

Buried Dad Tuesday.

Mum, 88, Parkinson’s, lost her DH of 60
years. She’s shaking with terror today.

I had hoped Social Services would give Mum 24 hours after her husband’s funeral before calling and demanding she sell her house and be moved to a care home asap, house money to be controlled by council, but it was not to be.

SS want permission from her DC (me and DB) to move her asap - we’ve got a month left of private carers. Mum & Dad have spent £650k of their and our money on care. DM is horribly, painfully disabled and needs 24hr care. There’s £0 left.

I told the social worker before funeral that we wanted DM at home for a while before any more major life changes, in case the shock kills her.

SS know Dad died. They know his will is wrongly written and we can’t do equity release as a result.

SS know we can’t pay for more private care, and that they’ll have to fork out for a couple of months respite care with round the clock carers if she at home.

But they rang DB the morning after the funeral to say they wouldn’t provide any care beyond a toilet break once every eight hours.

DM ran a charity for our part of London for 40 years. She worked tirelessly for locals and newcomers alike for a tiny salary. As net contributors to society go, she’s right up
there.

We all know councils lick their lips at the prospect of getting the cash from a London house.

But AIBU - are these social workers being cruel, greedy and dangerous?

I have looked it up and you are right in that there have been changes in the original 2014 Act in 2022 and now under review in 2025. It doesn't escape the fact that the SS cannot just demand she sells up and goes into care in the way they are doing it. I have copied the following from the Government website on caring for the elderly:

This chapter provides guidance on section 1 of the Care Act 2014 and covers:

• definition of wellbeing
• promoting wellbeing
• wellbeing throughout the Care Act

1.1 The core purpose of adult care and support is to help people to achieve the outcomes that matter to them in their life. Throughout this guidance document, the different chapters set out how a local authority should go about performing its care and support responsibilities. Underpinning all of these individual ‘care and support functions’ (that is, any process, activity or broader responsibility that the local authority performs) is the need to ensure that doing so focuses on the needs and goals of the person concerned. 1.2 Local authorities must promote wellbeing when carrying out any of their care and support functions in respect of a person. This may sometimes be referred to as ‘the wellbeing principle’ because it is a guiding principle that puts wellbeing at the heart of care and support. 1.3 The wellbeing principle applies in all cases where a local authority is carrying out a care and support function, or making a decision, in relation to a person. For this reason it is referred to throughout this guidance. It applies equally to adults with care and support needs and their carers [footnote 1].

That is shocking. They are supposed to have a duty of care to ensure that nothing happens to disrupt family life.

How did it turn out for you?

Tell me about it, Dad didn’t make it much longer after anyway. I told ss on the phone that to sell the house and put me on the street they would now have to speak to MY solicitor as I’ve overpaid my way in the property. They didn’t call me again (lol) until a month after dad died and I basically handed over his solicitor details who were the executors. Long story short they got nothing because his bank statement proved in the time of care he didn’t have 23k savings. Good quotes from gov, maybe @Supersimkin7 have a read and point things out to them.

As above look into a CHC assessment, the criteria for threshold is toward the back of the policy. You can download online, health will then have to pay for care, they should do it if you ask for one. Also a best interests meeting should have been held and they should take into account your mum and your views. Age concern can be helpful for advice. You can make an official complaint to the council as the day after the funeral is very inconsiderate and not sensitive. They shouldnt have done this, they have a code of conduct to follow, this is also online.

You’re right, social services cannot just make thii or de kind of demands off the bat. But they do legally have every right to recover care costs at a later date from assets. This applies to everyone, not just pensioners.

Very sure.

You probably mean The Care Act 2014.

Which, allows for deferred sale of homes to recoup care costs.

Glad you stood your ground.

@Supersimkin7 - here’s a link you may find useful, if you’re still here.

https://www.liveincarehub.co.uk/can-someone-be-forced-into-a-care-home-know-your-rights/

Is what you are saying she has been told to sell the house to pay for her care in a care home? That is normal if you have your own home that's what they expect you to do. But, you would inherit the house if she didn't have to pay for care? In which case, you look after her or the house is sold to pay for her care, any money left after she passes away would be left to whoever she leaves it to in her will.

It sounds absolutely barbaric doing it the day of the funeral.

I guess the request not to do anything "for a while" is unreasonable though, as they will have legal obligations.

I sympathise though. People in these jobs can become a bit desensitised to the humanity of it all as the follow protocols. It doesnt sound like they're getting the right balance. 🥺

The OP doesn't seem to actually care all that much. There are two sides to every story, and the OP has given one highly inflammatory one and then, if she has responded at all, only been rude. One might think that there is more to this than meets the eye.

The question is have is how long from the death to the funeral has that been 6 weeks where nothing has been done to get her moved?
Then theyve given time for the family to start moving things along.

You post should tell people that they must not give in to the harassment of the SS.

I know of similar instances, and if they were my instances, including some where they have had to produce a marriage licence, house deeds, and so on. I would quote them, because people should be aware that the SS cannot do what they like with people's lives just because they have a bit of money and won't be a charge on their budget.

I feel sorry for those on pension credit, housing relief and other benefits. They don't get help because the LA pays for their expenses and if the SS stepped in, it would be a charge on their budget!

All their moans about not having enough care workers for domiciliary care is a load of who shot john. They don't offer it if the elderly are on benefits.

A few years ago two social workers were arrested when it was discovered that they removed an elderly person from a secure tenancy low rent home and put her elsewhere, and took over the tenancy themselves. I should still have the cutting somewhere. They got a prison sentence, so I don't think that would happen again.

I corrected myself. Even that Act was effected by the 2022 one, and that is being changed this year.

It will be interesting to see what happens when pensioners on just the state pension have to pay income tax.

I think children will have to accept the fact that they will not inherit much once Ms Reeves has finished with people. Many will be unable to buy a house themselves and will add to the renting list, making a home as rare as hen's teeth. Like those revolutionaries, I think she is convinced that there is enough wealth among us that everyone will be equal, but for the better! A fairy tale world.

Is it her way of making everyone equal in the Marx sense? If it is, the spiral downwards will be as horrific as it was in 1917.

Spoken like a social worker?

So you think that adult social care should be completely non-means tested? Is that what you are saying? Care should be completely free and incumbent upon the taxpayer?

People who are on benefits are subject to the same means testing as everybody else. People on benefits very frequently qualify for eligible care needs to be funded by the local authority (of which social services are a part of)

It is not true that pensioners in benefits do not qualify for eligible care needs to be funded by the local authority) of which SS are a part of)

So you clearly don't want any help then.

Have fun with that

Not remotely. Spoken like somebody who has read every post, sees an unverified one sided inflammatory story with LOADS of detail missing, who refuses to provide any detail so that people can actually advise them, and goes on to be quite rude. I know what I would ususally call that, but it would be breaking the rules to say.

Agreed, I posted earlier in the thread to offer some actual advice as have others. I'm starting to think it was more a thread of 'aren't local authorities horrible', rather than wanting any actual help and advice on the situation
Lots of false information in some of these posts from people who think social services make money somehow from people ending up in car. Social care for adults and children are the biggest expenditure in local authorities and. They all abide by the rules government sets. They can't provide round the clock carers in people's houses, it is just not possible

I found this post very strange. From what I know, councils normally try to keep people in their own homes for as long as possible.

The lady is doubly incontinent, therefore she needs someone with her 24hrs. It's inhumane to leave her potentially soiled between visits.
Councils cannot provide 24hr care at home. And its far too big an ask of the Op.

So sorry for what you are going through. But I don't fully understand the whole situation, so cannot comment, sorry, it sounds quite complex. Agree, get in touch with Age UK / Age Concern & CAB. A good solicitor will give free advice about this, everyone is allowed approx. 30 mins free advice from a solicitor, I believe. Good luck going forwards, hopefully things will work out? xx

Speak to Parkinson's UK, I have found their advisors incredibly helpful, in my husband's case with getting higher level attendance allowance.
They are brilliant.
Good luck.

Hi, so sorry for the loss of your father. Firstly, please don’t panic, social services think they can bully but they can’t actually force you to do anything. My Mother had exactly this scenario when my stepfather passed because she’d had a massive stroke among other things and needed 2 x carers, 4 times a day. The week my DSF passed away a woman from SS came to my mum’s house and said ‘we will take over her LPA and she will go into a home and we will sell her house to pay for her care!’ Straight away I showed them the door for coming out with that crap not only in front of DM but also for frightening her and making her believe she had to do as they said! I firmly told them no way were SS taking over the LPA from me, my DH & I moved in with her straight away and insisted her care package remain as my health problems would prevent me attending to my mother for personal care. I made an appointment with AGE UK to see our rights and luckily a Solicitor did half hour free consultations for Age Uk so we had one. Luckily she took us on for a case (related but personal) so helped enormously with our rights. I’d suggest you tell SS to but out and you are not handing your mums LPA over to them, nor selling her property until you’ve had further advice, secondly make an appointment to see Age UK and ask if the have any solicitor appointments you can have. Luckily we were put in touch with an amazing solicitor who certainly knew her stuff where SS are involved. Thirdly can you move in with her albeit temporarily just so you all get some breathing space. SS used to have to pay all her nursing home fees for the first 12 weeks if you are selling her home to pay for care. You need to seek advice and get the backing of a professional Solicitor who specialises in the elderly care home fees and the benefits she’s entitled too. Bear in mind her pension and Attendance Allowance are taken into consideration to pay for her nursing home and if your Dad had a private pension will also help to pay for her care. DO NOT hand control to SS (wouldn’t trust them to have your DM’s best interest at heart) and shout loud until you are heard. Good luck it’s hard work but you will get through it.