Is a 12 year age gap ok?

[Daisychain1989]

I’m 36 and my potential partner is 48.

We get on really well, he makes me laugh until I cry, he’s a lovely, kind and caring person.
Dresses well, looks after himself, we have the same views and outlooks on life and politics etc.

It’s just the age gap putting me off! I don’t know why.
When I’m 40, he’ll be 52.

I’m 49, my partner is 70. We get along great.

This.

I met my now husband when I was 20 and he had just turned 36. I am interested in what your reply would have been?

@WhiteRosesAndThistles , I'd have said that the age gap was too big. He's old enough to be your father (give or take a few months).

Sounds like it's been a success for you yes?

My DH is 10 years older than me. It's fine. The gap does seem bigger as you get older though

My DH and I have a ten year gap, this year we turned 50/60. Hubby does karate training for 2.5 hrs twice a week and tai chi for 2 hours once a week. I walk and swim occasionally. We are putting together an adventure holiday this December which will include zip lining, river tubing, snorkelling on the great barrier Reef, hot air ballooning and horse riding as well as crocodile cruises and a stay in the daintree rainforest that is totally offgrid. Age is just a number! I'm a shame so am looking forward to his retirement, where we are planning to do a lot more travelling and adventuring 😁😁😁

My husband is 12 years older than me. I still get butterflies when I'm due to see him or he rings. We've been together 16 years.

If it bothers you then stop it before you get in too deep.

I think it’s fine at the moment as you’re both ‘proper’ adults. Eg the 12 year maturity gap between 18 and 30 is cavernous. Whilst anything can happen to anyone, the gap will become cavernous again when you are older. I have a friend of 60, still working and healthy, who is now basically caring for her husband of 75 who has age related health ailments and who mentally aged rapidly in his retirement. He’s now an elderly man whilst she’s still in good years, very likely that she’ll be widowed early and spend retirement alone. It’s not a guarantee but not bloody easy.

I have a 12 year age gap with my husband. I was 21, he was 33 (I met him when I was 19 though) when we got together. He’s been an emotionally and financially abusive cunt since we had our first child. I realise now that he choose me because I was young and inexperienced. When I was 33, the idea of a 21 year old partner was disgusting to me. There were so many power imbalances.

At your age, there aren’t the same power imbalances, you both have fully formed adult brains, etc. So it’s less risky.

That said, the older he’s got, the more I realise we are too different. Since he turned 50, he never wants to go anywhere so he just stays in watching tv. I on the other hand do everything with the kids, I’m the one to go out to places, etc.

I wouldn’t recommend an age gap to anyone.

Personally for me it would be too much. It will show up more and more as you both age. He will retire a lot earlier than you and then when you retire, not want to do the same things you do most likely. There are many women with age gaps who become carers way too young and it takes over their lives. I don’t want that for myself. I would not consider anyone with more than 5 years age difference.

It’s a personal decision but I would avoid

Nothing wrong at all with it, it just might throw up problems if you are at different stages of life as the years go by- e.g. wanting kids, retirement etc.

DH is 11 years older than me. He was 39 and I was 28 when we met. We are celebrating our 35th wedding anniversary this evening.

Yes your ok me & hubby have 20 year gap & we are very happy x

We have a ten year age gap and DH was 48 when we had our first child. I would say that was no problem whatsoever. In fact it was great because he retired at 58 as DC were going to secondary school and did the lions share of running around.
As others have said the gap becomes more noticeable as you age.
25 / 35 - hardly noticeable
55/ 65 possibly at different life stages
65/75 definitely feels like one is in another generation. Though ironically he's as fit as a flea and I am the one with health issues.

My reply would be yuk.
IMO there is something very wrong with a man who wants a partner 16 years younger than them.
I would be appalled if either of my daughters, that are around that age, came home with an older fellow like that.

I would presume there is something wrong with him, a bit creepy, perverted, that he would want a relationship with someone so much younger.

Controlling, domineering men that can't find a woman that is their peer, go for young girls decades younger than them.

Obviously that is a huge generalisation and may not be the case in every single age gap relationship.

However as a woman in my 60's it has overwhelmingly been what I have seen over the decades..

Younger inexperienced women are so much easier to impress that a peer of 36.

I know the difference in me between 21 and 36 was night and day.
Good luck.

As long as you are happy BUT a word of caution, a friend of mine had a similar age gap and it was fine until her H hit 60 and started looking at Retirement.
It coincided with Covid and after Lockdown etc he became very reluctant to go anywhere and do anything, he bought a caravan and insited all holidays had to be taken with that and refused to even go out for meals or a drink.
She left him

I’m 31 and my husband is 49

My best friend is 14 years younger than her DH. They have been married for over 20 years. He is into retirement age now, and she does not work due to illness.
If you share the same goals and outlooks, then the age gap does not matter.

Why is it "yuk" that a man is attracted to a woman younger than him? The woman is also attracted to a man that is older than her.
Can we stop with this rhetoric that women are automatically vulnerable and if they are with a man that is older, it must mean they are being taken advantage of.
My DP is 9 years older than me. I have gone out with someone who was 17 years older in the past. I was a grown woman who is capable of making my own mind up about men. They were not predatory and I was not vulnerable.

I think it's tough as you get older particularly as men tend to die earlier and also get quite narrow in their mindset.

You're absolutely deluded if you think there isn't a natural power imbalance between a 21 year old and a 36 year old.

@Daisychain1989 I wouldn't want to date someone that much older than me. If you do, I'd have a conversation about retirement now - I've read too many threads on here where the man of the family decides to retire and then the wife ends up not only working but doing all the wife work also. Just something to think about.

You know not all men are power/control freaks right?
If a man is domineering he would be so whether his partner was 20 or 40.

Long term but make sure he’s not planning on living off you if he retires years before you so. Make sure he has an excellent pension of his own.

He’d also be a bit too old to become a Dad, if that matters to you.

It’s fine if you don’t want kids. If you do want kids then he’s too old. People would assume he was the grandad.