PIL thrown a strop over Christmas (sorry for mentioning)

[ToysCatapultedFromPram]

We just invited my PIL for Christmas, but they’ve declined in a huff. They aren’t coming.

The reason is because this year I’ve decided to have a bit of an open house. My sibling is staying near me, and as a result is able to bring down my parents. I’ll go pick them up from where they are staying and bring them to mine. How nice to have them in my own house when they live hundreds of miles away. A rare occurrence. My sibling will come over Boxing Day with their family. I’m delighted to host something that may not happen again.

Secondly, my DD’s serious partner spends Christmas Day alone for various strained family reasons and I’ve said they are more than welcome in my house over the Christmas period. It’s the right thing to do, and what Christmas is about.

However my PIL are not happy about this. TBH due to the proximity of where they live in relation to us, they’ve spent many more Christmases with us than anyone else.

They have been invited, but now declined. My DH is a bit upset.

AIBU to think that;

a) Inviting my DC’s partner is the RIGHT thing to do.

b) Having my family over, a rare occurrence, should be jumped on by me.

c) If my PIL don’t want to join us, that’s their problem, and I’m not going to change the above plans to suit them. I’m going the right thing and if they don’t like it, tough tits. If they want to spend it alone, that’s on them and Tbh I have a lovely family, much nicer than my in-laws, and I’m insulted at the slight.

So who IBU here?

YANBU. your aren’t excluding them. You’re including everyone. What is their issue and who is your DH upset with?

yes absolutely. Agree with you completely
Have a great one doing what you want !

On the face of it they're massively unreasonable. Unless there's a huge backstory where they've fallen out with your family.

Life’s too short option c

YANBU leave them to their tantrum.

Why aren't they happy about it?

Sounds like they're having a toddler tantrum. Best ignored

I don't see what the problem is. It's your house so you invite who you want.
Why are they huffing and saying they won't come?

This is where people who bang on about the importance of family all year unveiled their true colours.

My parents were like this too. All about family, as long as it was no other family. Weird and annoying

YANBU

Bizarre. Your behaviour sounds lovely and Christmassy and normal. They sounds crackers. Let them stay at home. Bell ends.

It's perfectly reasonable for you to invite whoever you like to your home for Xmas (unless there's something terrible wrong with them, which I'm sure you would have mentioned!). It sounds like your PIL have got used to being the only people to join you (for practical reasons) and have assumed that this will always be the case.

They would not be unreasonable to decline because they don't feel they'd enjoy a more crowded Xmas, or just fancy Xmas on their own this year- but totally unreasonable to be in a huff about it.

Christmas is still a long way away so you’ve given them lots of notice. There are no rules to say every Christmas has to be the same and it sounds great. Your PIL may choose not to come but so be it and if DH wants to go to theirs then let him. Maybe if you give them some information about it they will change their mind (like who is being invited, what you intend to do about food etc).

Leave them to their sulking!

They don’t like your parents? Or your dd’s boyfriend? Or they just want it like it’s been in the past, without the extras?

It’s about my narcissist MIL not being the centre of attention with my family around. It’s about getting in line. It’s about my parents getting attention. It’s about “non family” (DD’s Bf) being invited when they’re “not family”.

No falling out. Just people who think the world revolves around them, and me demonstrating that it doesn’t.

For me, I’ll do the right thing at Christmas. I’m just making sure that I am.

I think this is a sign that you have hosted your PIL too many times and they’re now entitled and expect it as their due. I suspect they want to be cajoled and begged to come. Or they’ll change their mind in a few weeks and say they’re coming.

I would start to make other plans for Christmas each year.

Why don’t PIL take their turn to host?

What exactly are they unhappy about? That you aren’t exclusively hosting them? Weirdos, if that’s the case!

What joyless buggers. Rude of them to have a strop about who you are inviting to your own damn house. They are loons.

You are doing the right thing, leave them to their tantrum.

Just stick firm. Inviting the boyfriend is the right thing to do. I would always welcome my children's partners to my house. Maybe tell them that the offer stands but if they want to make other plans you will see them after / before when your guests have gone.

It’s about “non family” (DD’s Bf) being invited when they’re “not family”.

Oh that’s a shame. They’ve not heard of Christmas spirit then? Kindness? Taking in waifs and strays? Season of goodwill?

They sound needy and attention seeking. If they wish to spend it alone fine. No need to follow up. They’ve declined! Enjoy your celebrations.

You are lovely!

You invite whoever you want to. They are perfectly entitled to have a strop at home. Don't change your plans for such manipulative and controlling behaviour

The last line of option C suggests there's a lot more going on here and you aren't overly keen on them

Then you have told them of what is happening and if they don't want to come then that is their choice. It's not like you have said you are inviting your family instead.
I would leave the ball in their court, with perhaps a final date where you check if they are coming so you know food wise how much to get in. I wouldn't keep mentioning it as clearly they want you to pander to them and if after your cut off point they bring it up I would quickly shut them down.

Edited because I posted too soon.