PIL thrown a strop over Christmas (sorry for mentioning)

[ToysCatapultedFromPram]

We just invited my PIL for Christmas, but they’ve declined in a huff. They aren’t coming.

The reason is because this year I’ve decided to have a bit of an open house. My sibling is staying near me, and as a result is able to bring down my parents. I’ll go pick them up from where they are staying and bring them to mine. How nice to have them in my own house when they live hundreds of miles away. A rare occurrence. My sibling will come over Boxing Day with their family. I’m delighted to host something that may not happen again.

Secondly, my DD’s serious partner spends Christmas Day alone for various strained family reasons and I’ve said they are more than welcome in my house over the Christmas period. It’s the right thing to do, and what Christmas is about.

However my PIL are not happy about this. TBH due to the proximity of where they live in relation to us, they’ve spent many more Christmases with us than anyone else.

They have been invited, but now declined. My DH is a bit upset.

AIBU to think that;

a) Inviting my DC’s partner is the RIGHT thing to do.

b) Having my family over, a rare occurrence, should be jumped on by me.

c) If my PIL don’t want to join us, that’s their problem, and I’m not going to change the above plans to suit them. I’m going the right thing and if they don’t like it, tough tits. If they want to spend it alone, that’s on them and Tbh I have a lovely family, much nicer than my in-laws, and I’m insulted at the slight.

So who IBU here?

What's the alternative, the OP forgoes seeing her parents and siblings, her DDs partner spends the day alone (fine if that's what they want, lonely AF if it's not) and the PIL get their own way.

Also if her husband wants to see his parents and they refuse to come, then he can go to their house.

YANBU . It’s simple, you have invited them and they have declined. End of.

Don’t change your plans, and enjoy your Christmas.

How silly of them!

They're invited. Whether they choose to accept that invitation is up to them. Your part of the job is done :).

I don’t understand why you’ve posted OP. You know yanbu, you know pil are being ridiculous. You know that’s their choice and up to them. You know you should host your family.

Bloody hell. They don't get to control who you invite to your own house!

Those asking; we asked them what they were doing for Christmas, told them my parents and potential SIl were coming, and MIL got angry and said “no, it’s OK, we don’t want to come. We aren’t sure what everyone else is doing yet”. So, waiting on other offers, but ours isn’t palatable.

We usually get “Christmas is about family”, which Imo is what I am doing.

I’m just fed up of them TBH. I’m going to make this the best Christmas ever without them 🤷‍♂️

@ToysCatapultedFromPram your PIL have had Christmas with just your dh/you many times right? Many more than you’ve had Christmas with your sude if the family.

The only answer there is: this year it’s my family turn. I’m not chang8ng the way we’re doing Christmas for my family so it fits your family. They’ve had their turn. Now it’s mine.
Thats it. Most families take turn (one year with one sude kf the family, the next with the other side) simply fir logistic reasons,

As for your dd boyfriend … what happens if they decide to not get married? Will he never be ‘allowed’ to Christmas because he is ‘not family’??

Let PILs spend the day together

Enjoy your lovely Christmas x

A) fuck ‘em.
B) has it got to do with available bedrooms - are any/all of them staying over?

I’m just fed up of them TBH. I’m going to make this the best Christmas ever without them

If your PIL are as you describe, I think you’ll have a nicer Christmas wo them tbh.

Sound like you have been too tolerant for too long.
They sound awful.
I never understand why women marry men and tolerate bullshit from their family.
Don't discuss it further.
If possible talk about this being an annual thing.
Send your husband to have Christmas with them.

Tell dh he is correct. Blood family is more important and that's why you are enjoying yours this year..

Plenty of room for everyone. 5 double bedrooms and camp beds for the willing DC to sleep on and let GPs have a nice en-suite room.

They are being ridiculous and manipulative.

The only person who is technically "not family" is your DD's partner but in my view you are absolutely right to include them. They are a serious partner after all.

If PIL don't like it, they don't have to come but you don't change your plans now. They can either come to Christmas at yours or make other arrangements. Its not like you've said "My parents, sibling and DD's partner are coming for Christmas this year so we don't have room for you".

You absolutely are doing the right thing. Sounds joyful and gorgeous. Sounds like your MIL thinks it's not Christmas unless she can fart with impunity.

DH needs therapy to fully understand what's going on (and has been going on his whole life).

Actually, you can ask AI systems like ChatGTP to write in all sorts of styles. The point is that AI has learned all its writing styles from scraping copy from real human writers. And some of us use the M dash. And some of us write in short sentences for dramatic effect. Like that.

There are a few romantic fiction authors finding that their work is getting rejected by self publishing systems because it reads like AI - except it reads like AI because AI has learned everything from millions of books in their genre. There's a phrase something like "she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding" and it kept getting flagged as AI but it's just that it's a regular phrase/cliche that humans use.

Sorry to derail OP.

I am absolutely sick of older people refusing to just go with the flow at Christmas. We have something similar and I’ve really had enough.

Surely Christmas is about wider family and allowing adults and children to spend time together but oh no apparently it’s just really about catering for the older members of the family.

Rant over - you are not being unreasonable OP

My dm asked me who was staying with us during summer, we live in a tourist spot.
I told he'd ds and family and dd and family and dd's inlaws.
Oh, not family then.
I said i considered my dc to be family.
Yes, but not close family.

Bizarre, who is closer than my own dc.
What she meant was not her.

Urgh.....grown adults having a mardy on because "Its not all about MEEEEEE!!!!!!"

Fuck them

ETA......would FIL come if he could? Or is he as bad?

100%, this can be a similar dynamic to my family. My family are very open arms. My in laws won't call by if we even have a play mate over for the kids.

Over the years they've loosened up though. Shame yours clearly haven't.

Don't give in OP. You deserve this lovely Christmas.

Sounds like a wonderful Christmas! How lovely to have all your family around. Your inlaws are invited they are just being miserable, that’s on them.

Let them stew and enjoy Christmas with your family for a change x

Sounds like a bonus for you all. Enjoy!

Sounds like Christmas will be nicer without them present