PIL thrown a strop over Christmas (sorry for mentioning)

[ToysCatapultedFromPram]

We just invited my PIL for Christmas, but they’ve declined in a huff. They aren’t coming.

The reason is because this year I’ve decided to have a bit of an open house. My sibling is staying near me, and as a result is able to bring down my parents. I’ll go pick them up from where they are staying and bring them to mine. How nice to have them in my own house when they live hundreds of miles away. A rare occurrence. My sibling will come over Boxing Day with their family. I’m delighted to host something that may not happen again.

Secondly, my DD’s serious partner spends Christmas Day alone for various strained family reasons and I’ve said they are more than welcome in my house over the Christmas period. It’s the right thing to do, and what Christmas is about.

However my PIL are not happy about this. TBH due to the proximity of where they live in relation to us, they’ve spent many more Christmases with us than anyone else.

They have been invited, but now declined. My DH is a bit upset.

AIBU to think that;

a) Inviting my DC’s partner is the RIGHT thing to do.

b) Having my family over, a rare occurrence, should be jumped on by me.

c) If my PIL don’t want to join us, that’s their problem, and I’m not going to change the above plans to suit them. I’m going the right thing and if they don’t like it, tough tits. If they want to spend it alone, that’s on them and Tbh I have a lovely family, much nicer than my in-laws, and I’m insulted at the slight.

So who IBU here?

Do they and your husband really think you should exclude your own family from a rare opportunity to spend a holiday together?

If so, they're extremely unreasonable and sucks to be them. Don't cater to that bullshit.

Just because MIL is putting in her bid to be Narc of the Year by sulking because you're inviting your family as well as her and she can't be Queen of the Freaking House basking in the golden sun of holiday attention whoredom mean you have to do anything. Let her sulk. Let her miss out on a good time. It will probably be better without her.

C. Sounds lovely and you don't have to host the PIL! Double win.

YANBU. Maybe they aren't in a strop exactly, but just don't fancy a big get together with two sides of the family? It's not for everyone and maybe they just aren't that sociable.

But they've had an invitation, that's the main thing. Let them spend a quiet one at home. It won't kill them. They have each other for company. It's only right that you should be able to see your parents for a change, and it's a lovely gesture to include your DD's partner.

If they want to see it as

Imo send dh round with any gifts you get them. Be way too busy to waste your time. They simply don't deserve it.. Seems many an hour has been used up already over the years pandering to bratty adults..

@ToysCatapultedFromPram you sound lovely, you are including everyone and Christmas is about spending time with all our loved ones.

It’s their issue if they have chosen to decline, I wouldn’t let them dictate who you spend Christmas with xx

You are not being unreasonable and actually, your plans for Christmas sound great, nothing wrong with open house and breaking with tradition. Seemingly, it’s the breaking with tradition that your PIL are peeved about. Their loss, carry on with your plans and have a brilliant time!

Honestly, for me, this is the best Christmas ever.

My parents will be in “My” house. My sibling will come over with their step family. My DD will be happy, rather than worrying about her BF’s tricky situation. As far as I’m concerned he could be my future Son-in-law. He’s very welcome here. He’s family.

I’m happy to go the whole hog. I’ve got time off over Christmas. I‘m happy to host over Christmas Eve/ Day/ Boxing Day. It’s probably a once in a life time situation for me., I’m very happy to do an open house.

They don’t want to come. They aren’t stepping back and giving me grace with my own family, it’s very much a strop.

Whilst I don’t want to upset my in-laws, I’ll go with “what’s the right thing to do” and I’ll dig my heels in.

Why not say this is what Christmas is all about, and come help me instead?

YANBU

They are being very weird

Your DH needs to have your back and present a united front though. No backtracking just because they’re stropping.

This. My narc mother did this on Christmas morning twice. The children were confused. I said Nana was ill DH said sick in the head you mean. The first time she saw us after that my little boy said are you better Nana. She looked puzzled. So he added daddy said you were sick in the head 🙈

I think they are missing the whole point of Christmas if they want you to turn people away who are important to you.

YANBU

Do not change your plans you are not being remotely unreasonable, your PIL are being awful.

You are the one exemplifying the meaning of Christmas by having your family over and particularly by inviting your dd's partner to spend Christmas with her and her family rather than alone, the fact that your PIL cannot see this says it all about them, your DH should be uspet with them not you, frankly he would go right down in my estimation if he felt you were somehow in the wrong.

Option C all the way OP.

YANBU in the slightest and sound like a lovely person. Bet your pils will change their mind when they realise their ridiculous behaviour is not going to work and they stand to lose out. And then act like they've done you a massive favour.

Is your DH upset because his parents are being awful or because he agrees with them?

🤣🤣🤣 out of the mouths of babes.

Op you had me until you started ranting about your in laws because you sound like you’re enjoying the fact that they’re upset. While I think it’s amazing you’re inviting people who haven’t people, I’d also get their side- Christmas is a time uou let loose and it will be a different dynamic. It is great you’re doing it, but the eff them kind of negates the kindness of it

Order your food now. If they change their mind say its too late. Not enough food....
Leave them Home Alone to consider their actions..

More food for you.
I wouldn't invite them next year either.

How have they even justified themselves!!?? Okay maybe at an absolute stretch saying not family members (which is still ridiculous) but how have they said that they don’t think you should have YOUR OWN PARENTS there!!??

Some people seem to think they own Christmas. We lived a long distance from in-laws so the belief was that we had to spend everyone with them. Which, in theory, I agreed with. However we were expected to visit all the time and their idea of Christmas was miserable.
Im glad I don’t have to manage it anymore, really wish we had gone on holiday a few times.

You've invited them to celebrate Christmas with you, and they've declined. That's their choice to do so. What they don't get to do is be all huffy and complain. It's your home, you are allowed to invited whoever you want. As you don't often get the opportunity to celebrate with your family, then it's not any wonder you are grabbing it with both hands. If your PIL don't like it, then it's tough. No one has said they can't come!

How do you know it’s a strop and not a “let’s let @ToysCatapultedFromPram have Christmas with her side of the family this year”? What have they actually said as to why they won’t be there?

You are
right for a.
right for b.
right for c. but make sure you keep telling them how welcome they are.

They can come but your parents can't? They are refusing to come because your family (who are never usually able) are?

So @ToysCatapultedFromPram did you invite them, they accepted, and then you told them there would be other guests for dinner and Boxing Day and they turned round and said well in that case we don't want to come?

omg 🤣 this is brilliant!