PIL thrown a strop over Christmas (sorry for mentioning)

[ToysCatapultedFromPram]

We just invited my PIL for Christmas, but they’ve declined in a huff. They aren’t coming.

The reason is because this year I’ve decided to have a bit of an open house. My sibling is staying near me, and as a result is able to bring down my parents. I’ll go pick them up from where they are staying and bring them to mine. How nice to have them in my own house when they live hundreds of miles away. A rare occurrence. My sibling will come over Boxing Day with their family. I’m delighted to host something that may not happen again.

Secondly, my DD’s serious partner spends Christmas Day alone for various strained family reasons and I’ve said they are more than welcome in my house over the Christmas period. It’s the right thing to do, and what Christmas is about.

However my PIL are not happy about this. TBH due to the proximity of where they live in relation to us, they’ve spent many more Christmases with us than anyone else.

They have been invited, but now declined. My DH is a bit upset.

AIBU to think that;

a) Inviting my DC’s partner is the RIGHT thing to do.

b) Having my family over, a rare occurrence, should be jumped on by me.

c) If my PIL don’t want to join us, that’s their problem, and I’m not going to change the above plans to suit them. I’m going the right thing and if they don’t like it, tough tits. If they want to spend it alone, that’s on them and Tbh I have a lovely family, much nicer than my in-laws, and I’m insulted at the slight.

So who IBU here?

Agree with PPs. It’s your house and you’re doing the hosting. You are allowed to invite whoever you want.

You’ve invited them, they’ve refused, that’s the end of the conversation. Make sure your DH doesn’t promise anything to them and enjoy your lovely Yuletide

What reason have they actually given for not coming, though? They must have given one, so what was said?

DH is not upset with me, more them.

He may try and persuade me that blood family is more important (his parents) but it won’t work because this is why I’ve started this thread. I wanted to confirm I’m not BU snd once I know this I’ll stand my ground.

If OP has invited her parents and her DD's partner instead of her PILs, they would be justified in being upset. She hasn't done that, they are still welcome but because they aren't nice people, they have stropped off. There is no way that OP should pander to this childish behaviour.

Are they just worried that there are an awful lot for you to cater for and don't want you to wear yourself out?
(I say that as someone who absolutely loves having all the family to stay at Christmas- but is knackered by the time they go home 🤣😂😅).

It sounds like they aren't happy with your parents being there either and they're blood. Leave them to their strop, I can't stand adults who sulk like this and leave them to it. They're the ones who will miss out.

Your absolutely doing the right thing. You've included them
Tough shit if they dont like it.

Why should she try to convince them? She will be better off without them, they sound very entitled.

What sort of huff?

Are PIL saying "we don't want to be amongst lots of extra people at Christmas in case we catch covid, have a nice time"

Or "why aren't we the most special wah wah wah"

Edit....I think you've already answered. MIL is narc

I get that people sometimes use ChatGPT for help, but it really makes you come across as inauthentic, OP. You’ve only used it for some comments and the ones where you haven’t honestly read just fine.

OP, you are being very very reasonable. Your PIL are very unreasonable.

Text to say “that is a shame but we understand” and leave it there. If they try to change their mind, “sorry we have catered for X now”

Is your DH just upset with them? I hope he’s not in anyway upset with you!

How do you know @ForZanyAquaViewer?

What possible excuse do they give for being fries your parents will be there?

But you are prioritising blood family, Your blood family, and it is not as if you are excluding them. Your Christmas plans sound amazing and very much in the spirit of Christmas.

Put it this way.

You’re inviting someone non family who would otherwise be alone.

You’re in-laws are mad at your because they think you should leave someone alone when your the host. The one presumably paying and doing all the grunt work.

Thats without the finally having your own side there after they have had many years.

Scrooge can cook their own turkey.

You’ve invited them so they have been included. No need to give in to their very unchristmassy attitude!!
Maybe leave the invite on the table and DH can talk them round if he’s bothered. Don’t miss the opportunity to spend Christmas with your family and it is definitely the kind thing to do to invite DD’s boyfriend.
Hope all you have a lovely time whoever shows up.

Are your parents and dd not blood family?? How ridiculous. Let them strop away. You are entitled to have who you want in your own house and if they don’t like it they can stay in their house can’t they. Oh well. Don’t let your “d”h guilt you

Are they very elderly? Maybe it’s just too much for them with such a large crowd?

I’m flattered that you think a sophisticated computer wrote my posts 😂

How are his parent your blood family? Your blood family is your family.

The idea of blood family is crazy to me. Invite whoever you like and if they choose not to come, that's a them problem.

People have to be careful checking what is written by Ai.

A lot of genuinely self written stuff does flag as at least partial Ai.

@ForZanyAquaViewer is coming across a bit bonkers. I can often spot chat GPT posts but yours don’t seem particularly AI 🤣

Are you sure they have declined because they are upset about the situation? It might be the case that they have realised that they ought to let you have a Christmas with your family as it happens so rarely.

In any event you are not being unreasonable.

In what way could your DH try to argue his parents should be invited and not yours due to blood etc?