PIL thrown a strop over Christmas (sorry for mentioning)

[ToysCatapultedFromPram]

We just invited my PIL for Christmas, but they’ve declined in a huff. They aren’t coming.

The reason is because this year I’ve decided to have a bit of an open house. My sibling is staying near me, and as a result is able to bring down my parents. I’ll go pick them up from where they are staying and bring them to mine. How nice to have them in my own house when they live hundreds of miles away. A rare occurrence. My sibling will come over Boxing Day with their family. I’m delighted to host something that may not happen again.

Secondly, my DD’s serious partner spends Christmas Day alone for various strained family reasons and I’ve said they are more than welcome in my house over the Christmas period. It’s the right thing to do, and what Christmas is about.

However my PIL are not happy about this. TBH due to the proximity of where they live in relation to us, they’ve spent many more Christmases with us than anyone else.

They have been invited, but now declined. My DH is a bit upset.

AIBU to think that;

a) Inviting my DC’s partner is the RIGHT thing to do.

b) Having my family over, a rare occurrence, should be jumped on by me.

c) If my PIL don’t want to join us, that’s their problem, and I’m not going to change the above plans to suit them. I’m going the right thing and if they don’t like it, tough tits. If they want to spend it alone, that’s on them and Tbh I have a lovely family, much nicer than my in-laws, and I’m insulted at the slight.

So who IBU here?

😂

But your family are your blood family and his family are his blood family, so I’m not sure what his point is?

I think it might be related to Op's daughter's partner?

But even if he wasn't going it doesn't sound as if ILs would?

You're being generous and completely reasonable but it sounds like you might have been over functioning with your in laws over a very long period? You've invited them, they've declined and that's the end of it. You can invite them again nearer the time if you want but don't make a fuss about it - just carry on regardless and if there is any frostiness, ignore it. It isn't your job to soothe the emotional states of grown adults.

YAAbsolutelyNBU

t's your open house- stay not it's their decision. You should point out to your DH that you can't be expected to change your plans because your PIL want priority, that's their problem.

Fuck em. Have a lovely convivial Christmas.

You have a right to invite who you wish into your home. In-laws have been invited. If they decline leave them to it.Dont make a fuss. Don't change your plans. They may change theirs! ( an Mil here!)

Slightly different view here.
I hope this is paraphrasing as otherwise this isn't an invite and may have been them protecting themselves first by saying no rather than wait for you to continue with that they weren't invited as the house was full. Asking them what they were doing for Christmas sounds a bit like laying the ground work down that they need to think about something else for Christmas as you already have plans. 🤷

You are right and warm and lovely.

Keep up your stance that all are welcome, spirit of Christmas, open house, family and friends, season of goodwill to all (even selfish chilly baggages), nobody left alone, etc etc.

Let her continue with her face like a bulldog chewing a wasp, as Les Dawson would say.

You're the smile and the open arms. The heart of this extended family.

Everyone's better than me, because I would wait for the eventual U-turn they'll pull a couple of weeks before christmas, which I would tell them that they couldnt possibly come round now. I wouldn't have enough food to feed everyone now that they've left it so late to change their minds.. 🤣

Of course you're not in the wrong. It's none of their business who you have in your house ever never mind Christmas. Especially as this is your own family. I'd tell them they're not welcome back ever if they act like that. You were hosting them in the first place! Ungrateful shits. Let them have Christmas alone.

Hmmm not sure. I’ve had my mum for Christmas for more than the last decade. I’d still offer an invite / check what she’s doing rather than assume she’s coming, that’s just what seems polite to me. In reality as I’m an only child and she has no friends I’m not sure where else she’d go although she doesn’t have to go anywhere, as others have pointed out it’s one day, well five hours in my mums case as she does rather endure it in any event, doesn’t enjoy the food and announces when shes ready yo be driven home - so the offer rather than the assumption would allow her if she wanted to say no. its not to allow me to say no.

Yep, exactly. You'd still offer an invite. 'What are you doing?' isn't an invite.

Oh come on. For most people accustomed to conversation, the reply would be something like, 'Well, are you having it at yours?' or similar, and then the other person would say e.g. 'Yes, love to have you as usual if you're not doing anything else.'

NTA, you’re just as entitled to have Christmas with your family as your husband is with his parents. You’ve done your best to make everyone feel welcome, if it’s not your in-laws thing then that’s on them, your conscience is clear knowing you extended the invite to everyone.

That's why I said earlier, "slightly different view here".
Inviting myself like you have just said in your post would be rude/blunt/impolite in my world (but also straightforward in other minds). Part of the joy of Mumsnet is different viewpoints, otherwise there's no point posting if everyone is just going to agree and think the same.

YANBU.

But why does it have to be “only” family even if your daughter’s boyfriend wasn’t a potential son in law? We used to have friends to our family home for Christmas, especially if they were alone. My mum would have anyone round, friends or family, the more the merrier.

I don't get your point. I think the in-laws would have to be either unsocialised or deliberately misunderstanding, if they didn't take an opening comment like that about Christmas to be an invitation or at least a conversation about whether they wanted to come to the OP's place for it.

Good luck @ToysCatapultedFromPram !

How selfish if they expect to have you all to themselves! Some people,are just so weird.

Have a lovely time with your family and don't give it another thought, their problem mate. Xxx

If they live nearby, surely they can just come over for the day? What’s to be mad about when they’re still invited? Doesn’t sound like they’ve really grasped the idea of the Christmas spirit!

You however sound like an incredibly generous person and getting this many people together on the holidays is not always easy. Enjoy your Christmas!

It sounds like PIL have had their own way for too long already! Enjoy your Christmas even more if it is PIL free!! I would try to make it a yearly thing but I am petty 😅

I hated Xmas for years but once the in-laws stopped being part of it I developed the love of Christmas again and am back to singing along to Christmas tunes in September now 😁

You are being kind, welcoming and generous. Perfectly reasonable and in the true Christmas spirit.
It just hoes to prive the old ssying that one can't please all the people all the time.
So don't worry, stick to your lovely plan and enjoy every minute with people who think more of you and yours than they do of themselves.

Your DH can go spend Christmas with his jealous parents if he’s that upset.

Christmas should be celebrated with the more the merrier!

Your PIL are just like mine, and now my PIL have been uninvited to both their sons homes at Christmas because they didn’t want any of their DIL’s family at “their sons homes”. Thankfully my DH and his brother were appalled by their parents.