PIL thrown a strop over Christmas (sorry for mentioning)

[ToysCatapultedFromPram]

We just invited my PIL for Christmas, but they’ve declined in a huff. They aren’t coming.

The reason is because this year I’ve decided to have a bit of an open house. My sibling is staying near me, and as a result is able to bring down my parents. I’ll go pick them up from where they are staying and bring them to mine. How nice to have them in my own house when they live hundreds of miles away. A rare occurrence. My sibling will come over Boxing Day with their family. I’m delighted to host something that may not happen again.

Secondly, my DD’s serious partner spends Christmas Day alone for various strained family reasons and I’ve said they are more than welcome in my house over the Christmas period. It’s the right thing to do, and what Christmas is about.

However my PIL are not happy about this. TBH due to the proximity of where they live in relation to us, they’ve spent many more Christmases with us than anyone else.

They have been invited, but now declined. My DH is a bit upset.

AIBU to think that;

a) Inviting my DC’s partner is the RIGHT thing to do.

b) Having my family over, a rare occurrence, should be jumped on by me.

c) If my PIL don’t want to join us, that’s their problem, and I’m not going to change the above plans to suit them. I’m going the right thing and if they don’t like it, tough tits. If they want to spend it alone, that’s on them and Tbh I have a lovely family, much nicer than my in-laws, and I’m insulted at the slight.

So who IBU here?

Not very Christian of them to want to not invite someone who would otherwise be lonely to celebrate the birth of Christ.

They sound awful! What did they actually give as their reason??

If your daughter's boyfriend can't come for Xmas as they aren't family, does that mean they didn't invite you round before you married their son? Do they ever host?

I think you've dodged a bullet here!

They have 2 choices. Take the offer or leave the offer.

It’s fine for them to turn the invitation down if they don’t fancy it.

Not fine for them to complain about the other invitees.

YANBU let them spend Christmas elsewhere

What do you mean by having a strop - what have they actually said or done? I don’t see why declining the invitation is a problem in itself, so without further detail it’s difficult to know what the problem is. You are having a lovely family Christmas with your family and they are doing whatever they would like to do.

I think it’s really lovely that you’ve got everyone coming over! Will be great for you to get to spend Christmas with your parents. Also very kind of you to invite your DD’s partner. It’s the type of thing my mum does, makes sure everyone is welcome and no one is sitting alone!

When my dh and I were dating, we once had him and his sister over for Christmas Day as their parents had gone on holiday. No one thought it was strange, just more the merrier type of thing.

Your in-laws clearly don’t like change but your house your rules. You’ve still welcomed them and that’s what you need to point out to your dh. The invite was there, it’s you that’s cooking and hosting for everyone not them. They don’t really get a say in who you invite to your house and they can’t claim you’ve left them out.

Good for you! Let them sulk and if your DH doesn't like it he can go to theirs for the day?

I am absolutely sure you are doing the right thing, @ToysCatapultedFromPram, and your PIL are showing a very nasty dog-in-the-manger attitude.

Let them strop off and refuse your invitation - and have a lovely Christmas!

Are they stropping? Or have they declined to allow you some time alone with your side of the family at Christmas?

It sounds very odd if your in laws aren’t happy about spending Christmas with your side of the family and your daughter’s partner. We never gave a second thought to having both sets of parents round for Christmas, even both sets were divorced.

Just leave them to their strop. Those who are hosting get to choose the guest list and what happens at Christmas.

You’ve invited they have rejected that’s a them issue. Let them sulk.

I just don’t think they are nice people.

They don’t seem capable of generosity, empathy or compassion to other people.

They are welcome here, as my DH’s family, but at the end of the day, my morales about what Christmas is about, usurps what they think they are entitled to (not sharing their DGC with anyone).

Sounds lovely! Some people don’t like an open Christmas and I think that’s fine too, but they shouldn’t be grumpy or rude about it.

YANBU. I wish I had a big enough house to do this.

What does DH say?

What an absurd reaction from them. You’re absolutely in the right to host the event you want in your home with the guests you choose. How anyone would think they have grounds to try and dictate the format and guest list beggars belief!
how on earth did that conversation go?

Sounds an awesome Christmas. If your Dh is upset, he has time to come round to still having a family who loves him. Sorry you are going through this.

Your PILs are being massively unreasonable. You have hosted them loads of times and you have invited them again but they've thrown their toys out of the pram because your parents and your daughter's boyfriend will be there as well?

I wouldn't host them now, even if they change their minds. What are they expecting you to do? Uninvite your parents and your DD's partner?

Why is your DH upset? Because his parents are being ridiculous or because he agrees with them and wants them to come and for you to uninvite your family?

I hate the incredibly old-fashioned view that if you’re not married then your +1 isn’t family. Sod them, OP. If that’s their choice then they can have Christmas in the cold, they’re adults they can decide for themselves.

Dearie me they’re being silly.

What happened with Christmases when you and your DH were together but not yet married? Were you “allowed” to join them?

To hell with PILS they are being incredibly selfish.

You’ve done nothing wrong. They don’t get to dictate who you invite.