PIL thrown a strop over Christmas (sorry for mentioning)

[ToysCatapultedFromPram]

We just invited my PIL for Christmas, but they’ve declined in a huff. They aren’t coming.

The reason is because this year I’ve decided to have a bit of an open house. My sibling is staying near me, and as a result is able to bring down my parents. I’ll go pick them up from where they are staying and bring them to mine. How nice to have them in my own house when they live hundreds of miles away. A rare occurrence. My sibling will come over Boxing Day with their family. I’m delighted to host something that may not happen again.

Secondly, my DD’s serious partner spends Christmas Day alone for various strained family reasons and I’ve said they are more than welcome in my house over the Christmas period. It’s the right thing to do, and what Christmas is about.

However my PIL are not happy about this. TBH due to the proximity of where they live in relation to us, they’ve spent many more Christmases with us than anyone else.

They have been invited, but now declined. My DH is a bit upset.

AIBU to think that;

a) Inviting my DC’s partner is the RIGHT thing to do.

b) Having my family over, a rare occurrence, should be jumped on by me.

c) If my PIL don’t want to join us, that’s their problem, and I’m not going to change the above plans to suit them. I’m going the right thing and if they don’t like it, tough tits. If they want to spend it alone, that’s on them and Tbh I have a lovely family, much nicer than my in-laws, and I’m insulted at the slight.

So who IBU here?

juat ignore their behaviour and play it down.

I’m guessing your DH is uncomfortable at the thought of any conflict and is dealing with his own reaction.
Tell him to give them some time and extend the invitation again in a month or so after they’ve spoken to some people who will tell them they’re being daft. Or allow them to make their own arrangements.

You and your DH have done the right thing.

my MIL is like this. I just roll my eyes and leave DH to her tantrums. I’m just like oh well. Let me know if she changes her mind, which sometimes she does and sometimes she doesn’t.

best way to handle drama llamas is to pretend you don’t care.

Cadence. Short declarative sentences. Repetition of opening phrase ‘it’s about’. ‘Not this, just that.’

Once you know what it looks like, it’s really hard to miss.

I love Christmas and go all out so yours sounds fab! Merry Christmas to you all! Just interested to know though if PIL gave a reason for why they won't attend?

Chat GTP literally does the opposite of this. Makes everything flowery and long sentences with extra words.

Yanbu. For years we had Christmas at my parents. My brother had various GFs come occasionally over the years and we sometimes (siblings) would be elsewhere.

Since my mum died and my brother married instead of alternating at my dads on alternate years he’s hosted with us at his and in laws at his annually and we contribute puddings, drinks and cheeseboard etc.

Its lovely. We are all together and the actual location doesn’t matter and it’s easier this way and no one has to miss out or alternate.

We may not all do the Christmas meal (for example of his in laws eat at his SILs house) but no one is alone.

Well done you for embracing the true meaning of Christmas and spending it with family.

YANBU - they are being weird

Well your family are blood family. So that argument doesn’t wash and it sounds like even if you uninvited the non blood boyfriend they still wouldn’t want to come. Just leave them to their strop. You’re entitled to invite whoever you want to your home for xmas

But your family are also blood family. Why would his trump yours, especially given how this might be a once in a lifetime opportunity?

Who cares though? If you think OP isn't a genuine poster, report her. Picking her up on this, whether it is true or not, is as annoying as people who pull up the OP on their spelling and grammar.

How on earth are your parents not bloody family!!??

You invited them they don't want to come that's their problem move on and forget about it.

Your MIL is behaving like a petulant child OP. And as for DD's BF not being "family", that's ridiculous in this day and age.

None of my MIL's GCs are married to their partners, and 3 of them have children of their own. She'd never see the GGCs if she took that view.

what did they say/ how did they try to justify their (utterly unreasonable) attitude?

let's face it - you were always going to stand your ground, irrespective of what Mumsnet or your husband might think (or want)

Good old Christmas again. Nothing but bother for two imaginary figures. One with long hair and the other a fat guy in a red suit

Option C. Yanbu
Invite whoever you like OP.
Christmas is not a time just for DH's blood relatives - it's for spending with the people you love. It looks like you are doing just that. Have a lovely time planning it.
Don't get steamrollered by the huffers and puffers.

But your parents are YOUR blood relations. Or is he saying that doesn't count?

What exactly did PIL say when declining the invite getting all huffy?

My PILs did the same many years ago. Told me it was "Their place to be in our home Christmas and my DM and SF were not included". MIL made my life on my birthday a nightmare. They did not come to Christmas Day dinner but kept telephoning wanting to speak to our DCs. This was in the days when you were not allowed to leave the phone "off the hook". So sad all round. l hated them from that day on as previously we had always included them Christmas, Easter, days out, birthdays etc.

Well most of the posters who have responded agree with OP and think her PILs are really unreasonable.

Yes this.

You've done your job inviting.

If they decline in a huff because its no longer all about them. Tough Rockos.
You will be better off without them.

Do NOT cave between now and xmas chasing them and trying to tweak things to make them happy. This is a rare chance to have your family... the PILS have been invited, but choose not to..

Speak no more of it.. (I predict they will cave just before hand for max drama and expect you to make a huge fuss of them and treat them as the most VIP guests ever)

I’m so confused. I don’t really get why the in laws think they’re being snubbed, given that they are, in fact, still invited. I don’t understand how your husband could argue that blood family is more important given your parents are, funnily enough, blood family. Last but not least, I can’t believe the hypocrisy of his parents throwing their toys out of the pram calling a serious partner ‘not family’ when you’re an in law but they’re happy for you to host them year after year… surely you were once ‘not family’ too?? They sounds like idiots, no loss imo.

You invited them, they declined (in a strop) , fuck them.

enjoy your Christmas with the people who matter.

He may try and persuade me that blood family is more important (his parents)

But your daughter is your blood family?

Have they never seen someone not related to them by blood at Christmas?? What do they think might happen?!

Aw op - your proposed Christmas sounds lovely. Don’t worry about the in-laws. You’ve invited them, they’ve declined. Fine. Let them be. Don’t let it ruin your plans.

I have a feeling the fomo will get to them though. Be prepared for a major u-turn when they realise nobody is chasing after them!

Good old Christmas again. Nothing but bother for two imaginary figures. One with long hair and the other a fat guy in a red suit