Comments because I don’t drive

[Waolom]

I’m 28. I don’t drive. I have no children. I do not mind the fact that I can’t drive one single bit. I enjoy sitting on public transport and switching off, listening to my music, I never ask anyone for a lift or to take me xyz place. In short, my inability to drive affects absolutely nobody but myself and I’m happy.

So why on earth do (some) drivers make it such a big deal and make comments when people can’t drive? I don’t ever ask for lifts so it just frustrates me when people comment on it as if I’m putting them out. I’m not.
AIBU to be fed up of these comments?

Interesting. When my children were pre school I had a time when I had some hospital appointments. I put them in my double stroller and walked 3 and 3 quarter miles to hospital, put them into a pre booked creche, had my appointment, collected them, took them for cakes and drinks in the hospital canteen (which I wouldn't have done had I been watching clock for car parking), put them back in the stroller and walked home. No problem whatsoever. Sometimes I had a car at my disposal and sometimes not, but I always chose to walk. Nicer than battling traffic and paying car parking charges. But if I hadn't wanted to walk I could have got buses, admittedly with one change, but that wouldn't have been a problem.

If it was just the local hospital, it would be fine but it's a specialist hospital 30 miles away and clinics are at 9am on Fridays only so it would be impossible to get there on public transport.

Well a baby can't use her legs!!..We live out the country with no public transport from nearest town which is quite regular here. At the moment that's not an issue but if she wanted to travel alone to me with a baby l would need to collect her which means keeping a baby seat in my car . That's not a major problem but it's the independence. I would be totally lost without my car so feel bad that she won't enjoy my level of independence .

This thread is getting silly now. Walking for 3 miles, getting cake, walking home, good for you. Try doing that in a yellow/orange weather warning with little ones....changing buses etc

Look public transport is great when its efficient but driving is a life skill. It's something everyone should learn at some point if they can and the vast majority of people are of that opinion in the real world!

Some of the replies on here and just silly at this point....

Possibly! Would've involved me buying a bike and a bag suitable to put laptop and lunch etc in. There was a cycle to work scheme in one place I worked at a few years ago. I did consider that. But I worked shifts and I just wouldn't have felt safe cycling home through Bradford a dodgy area late at night.

Completely agree.

@junebirthdaygirl I thought at first you were my mum except I'm about 16 years older than your daughter! I know she sees it as a failing that I can't drive but has finally in the past few years accepted it I think (or at least no comments from her these days!). Like @ObelixtheGaul I have travelled widely, have a good career, always been employed, have a happy family life with a primary aged child. We own a car (partner drives) but it's rarely used. Up to the age of 35 I was single or in relationships with guys who couldn't drive or didn't own a car. So I have never relied on any partner for lifts. Didn't rely on my parents either from my mid teens. So as much as my parents and partner tried to persuade me to learn for many years, none of them have ever been able to say that I rely on them for lifts. I don't use taxis either - I think if I used taxis a lot that would indicate a need for a car, but I don't think I've been in a taxi for several years. I am probably in our family car around 2-4 times a month.

No question some people live lives that require a car because of where they live and work

But equally some people don't!

But we're not all like you. Yrs ago when my children were in primary school, someone remarked 'You're completely independent, even though you don't drive.' By this she meant 'don't' rather than 'can't', as she knew I had a driving licence. She couldn't drive and had a complex about it because of all the remarks she'd been getting. Before I passed my test, more than 30 yrs ago, I never felt I didn't have independence, and I don't feel I have more independence as a result of being able to drive. If your daughter has a lifestyle amenable to walking and using transport, then she's independent. Few people have unimpeded access to a car, in any case, since most share with partners. Unless you live a long way away, the cost of a car would cover some taxi journeys for visits.

Yes. But according to almost every thread I've ever seen on here saying you don't need to as it's not necessary where you live is stupid. Apparently the brilliant bus service might suddenly stop. I guess it might, but it's unlikely to happen overnight. Or you might move somewhere with less public transport. Well yes but that would be a choice so I'd rethink my driving if that happens!

I meant instead if hiring a car whilst yours was in the garage. And what do you think happens to people cycling through 'dodgy' areas?

I rarely miss driving, in fact a car would be a hindrance where I live now! There is zero parking in front of the house, no driveway or garage and all the neighbouring streets are filled with their own cars so where would I even put one?
Just off now to walk into town and then to the cinema, honestly cant think of anything I really need that is more then 2 miles away.

The vast majority think everyone should learn? Uhhmm ..... actually the vast majority seem to complain about the number of cars on the roads. Myself included. The thread isn't getting silly but like most threads it meanders away from the original point, which was simply the strangeness of people's attitudes towards those who choose not to drive. Instead it's filled with those who feel THEY couldn't navigate their lives without 4 wheels, as if that means something. Yet it's clear that many people manage perfectly well without cars, and for sone reason those who rely on driving have a blind spot over this.

Whats wrong with changing buses, or rain?

😆

I know what you meant. I think in that case however, my Mum giving having to take two hours out of her day to take me and collect me (although it made me feel very guilty)was preferable to my having to traipse around trying to buy a bike at short notice (I had thought originally that I would have my car back by the time I needed to drive to work).

Well, I worked for the police in an area notorious for crime. A lot of folk wouldn't favour the police, and more than one colleague had been followed home. If I finished work at around 02:00 (very much the norm) I would not have felt safe without a car. I do admire women who feel safe alone at night but I did not (and still do not). I have been followed more than once while walking.

I temped before covid was asked did I drive. I guess you manage. My daughter will need it for jobs (vets) as in different branches. She getting lessons. Our buses not great as not always regular. I be lost without my car

Apparently the brilliant bus service might suddenly stop. I guess it might, but it's unlikely to happen overnight. Or you might move somewhere with less public transport. Well yes but that would be a choice so I'd rethink my driving if that happens!

Exactly.

I rarely take the bus because all the places I need to go to are within walking distance, shops, gp, town centre, gym, movie theatre, restaurants, etc.

It was one of the main reasons we chose to live in our town.

If the bus all of a sudden stopped which I highly doubt all 4-5 lines within 10 minutes walking distance would, we would still have two train stations to use.

As others have also pointed out, you can lose the ability to be able to legally drive at anytime. I know if my DH wouldn’t be able to drive anymore, it would make little difference to me and our 3 children, although he would be gutted because he enjoys driving.

If something happened where I struggled with walking or couldn’t, it would be an adjustment yet I could still get around like many of the people in my area that are physically disabled and/or are elderly that I see daily doing so.

I think if it has always been an intergral part of your life it probably does seem like life would be impossible without it (and therefore everybody 'must' do it!).
However that isnt true for everybody....
I grew up hardly using a car thanks to a mum who couldnt drive and an absent father (not gone, just a workaholic so never home!!LOL😆). From the time I was toddling I was used to walking decent distances. I walked to town, to school, to relatives houses, everywhere.
I picked a job and house convenient to a walker. My closest friends dont drive either so dont find it weird. I maybe get in a car a couple of times a year and it feels really strange to me.
In other words not driving is a totally normal state of being for some people!

@Kirbert2 Yes, that's a problem. Yet many people live where they could easily travel to a specialist hospital for 9, and they're still showered with remarks about driving. I live a lot more than 30 miles from London but could get to any London hospital for 9 albeit with an early start. I grew up somewhere with less good transport but could still get to a city by then, even though I had to take a ferry. Also, your hospital is unusual in that you can only have appointments at 9. Most clinics are 9 to 12 and you can request a later slot. The same could be said about airports. When I had an early flight I stayed overnight in airport hotel. Only around £100. Return train fare very cheap at £12. Price for airport parking would have been around £50 if booked in advance, plus a little for petrol. Is it really worth buying a second car to occasionally save £50? I could have several hotel stays for the cost of keeping a car on the road, never mind the cost of buying said car. The point of all this is that many people have no need to drive. You have to drive but the focus of this thread is those who are entirely functional, independent and happy, but who don't drive.

Yep. If you are local to that hospital, it wouldn't be an issue at all without a car.

Clinic days are an absolute pain. You get there for 9 and sometimes are still waiting to be seen at 12.

In addition, my son is now a wheelchair user and driving is easier in that regard too.

As I said, I was perfectly happy without driving until my son's medical issues where it did become necessary. If it had never happened, I'd still be happy without driving.

You made a good point up thread. Driving when anxious isn't the best idea. It's actually against the law to drive when tired - and yes we all break the law - or unwell. Driving with anxiety levels through the roof must be against at least the spirit of the law if not the letter. Yet many pps insist everyone must drive for emergency hospital trips. Best Wishes for your son's health.

I was mostly baffled that someone thought a taxi wouldn't be feasible in that case when it was exactly what I did, I was told later by the hospital that bringing him in when I did saved his life. He should've had an ambulance but 999 said it was a 6 hour wait.

Thanks.