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AIBU?

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Original poster

Comments because I don’t drive

563 replies

Waolom · 14/09/2025 18:40

I’m 28. I don’t drive. I have no children. I do not mind the fact that I can’t drive one single bit. I enjoy sitting on public transport and switching off, listening to my music, I never ask anyone for a lift or to take me xyz place. In short, my inability to drive affects absolutely nobody but myself and I’m happy.

So why on earth do (some) drivers make it such a big deal and make comments when people can’t drive? I don’t ever ask for lifts so it just frustrates me when people comment on it as if I’m putting them out. I’m not.
AIBU to be fed up of these comments?

OP posts:
Probablyshouldntsay · 09/03/2026 11:11

Yanbu OP. I don’t drive. I get about absolutely fine with uber, taxi, trains, buses, planes etc etc

KimberleyClark · 09/03/2026 11:34

Abracadabra12345 · 17/09/2025 19:38

It sounds stunning, another one in my to do list

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We’ve done that journey many times by car, and it’s lovely to be able to get out, stretch your legs, breathe the beautiful air, have a cup of tea somewhere.

SunConure · 03/05/2026 22:29

I’m trying to think why it bothers people that you don’t drive. All I can think of is why it annoys me when people say they don’t drive. I think it’s because we’re all
had bad experiences with people who don’t drive making others go out of their way to pick them up / drop them off etc. It annoys me because I have to then hold a boundary against the non driver possibly wanting taking somewhere which is an uncomfortable feeling. Also it seems a bit like not working or not cooking or not earning, by default you are making yourself dependent on others and not taking responsibility for yourself.

tellmesomethingtrue · 04/05/2026 02:27

CAN’T drive. Not don’t.

GameWheelsAlarm · 04/05/2026 03:38

SunConure · 03/05/2026 22:29

I’m trying to think why it bothers people that you don’t drive. All I can think of is why it annoys me when people say they don’t drive. I think it’s because we’re all
had bad experiences with people who don’t drive making others go out of their way to pick them up / drop them off etc. It annoys me because I have to then hold a boundary against the non driver possibly wanting taking somewhere which is an uncomfortable feeling. Also it seems a bit like not working or not cooking or not earning, by default you are making yourself dependent on others and not taking responsibility for yourself.

But in the context of the OP which specifically says "I never ask anyone for a lift or to take me xyz place. In short, my inability to drive affects absolutely nobody but myself and I’m happy." none of that applies does it?

NerrSnerr · 04/05/2026 09:01

It’s fine not to drive but think for most people it is more convenient to have a car and be able to use it.

We’re going to the NEC for an event today. We live on the outskirts of a city. If we drive to the NEC it takes an hour, by public transport it takes 2h 40 which involves a bus and two trains. These are both areas with very good public transport but it’s still a pain to get from a to b.

SunConure · 04/05/2026 10:33

You misunderstand me @GameWheelsAlarm
i am saying that is my PERCEPTION when someone tells me they don’t drive. Based on all the people I have known who don’t drive. Not saying she’s like that but the human brain tends to generalise. She asked why people seem to react negatively so I am offering possible reasons. Also there is the issue of in my friend group we always have to pick where we go so that the non driving person can get there. So a lot of destinations are out, let’s say we want a spa day or country pub then the issue of “who picks up Jennifer” becomes an issue. I honestly do not know a person who doesn’t drive who is not reliant on others in some way

Frumpitydoo · 04/05/2026 10:35

Your inability to drive also affect your children.

TigerRag · 04/05/2026 10:40

SunConure · 03/05/2026 22:29

I’m trying to think why it bothers people that you don’t drive. All I can think of is why it annoys me when people say they don’t drive. I think it’s because we’re all
had bad experiences with people who don’t drive making others go out of their way to pick them up / drop them off etc. It annoys me because I have to then hold a boundary against the non driver possibly wanting taking somewhere which is an uncomfortable feeling. Also it seems a bit like not working or not cooking or not earning, by default you are making yourself dependent on others and not taking responsibility for yourself.

I don't drive for medical reasons. I've had a few people invite me to places that are rather remote. They know I don't drive. They seem almost offended that I can't go. But they won't meet me half way (not literally!) and pick me up somewhere convenient for both of us

Most of my friends are good about this though

Rachie1973 · 04/05/2026 10:42

Frumpitydoo · 04/05/2026 10:35

Your inability to drive also affect your children.

OP doesn’t have children.

I didn’t drive until I was 53. No need to. Plenty of transport links. My kids are fine.

KimberleyClark · 04/05/2026 10:45

HeddaGarbled · 14/09/2025 19:48

You’re fine now, but your life will change, and there is something to be said for acquiring this very useful skill whilst you have the time and disposable income.

This. I found it an absolute godsend being able to drive when my mum became frail and needed more support to be able to continue to live at home. And also, public transport can change due to cutbacks. I know that in my city public transport is not what it was, routes have been cut, more circular routes introduced etc.

HelloKittyFan · 04/05/2026 11:06

Frumpitydoo · 04/05/2026 10:35

Your inability to drive also affect your children.

I don’t know if that’s always the case, I don’t drive and I go all over with my kids, my sister who does drive never leaves our city she actually told me if I did drive I’d stop taking my kids places as “driving is too tiring!”

nomas · 04/05/2026 11:16

I don’t think OP’s friends or whoever should be commenting to OP not driving if it doesn’t affect them.

I have a friend who doesn’t drive and for years I felt the burden of driving her wherever we went (including very long drives). She didn’t ask for a lift but there was an unspoken assumption that I would drive us both. She also didn’t offer petrol money. So I just stopped meeting as often. We were both unreasonable, I should have spoken up too.

Flamingojune · 04/05/2026 11:23

Taxis, buses, trains, trams, bikes, scooters, ferries, legs. These are all the ways the many thousands of people who don't own cars in the uk get around.

Youremyannie · 04/05/2026 11:27

Hmm people shouldn't make comments or have an issue with it.

However as a driver, I have noticed people who drive do end up giving lifts to people who can't drive (usually their choice)

Youremyannie · 04/05/2026 11:27

HelloKittyFan · 04/05/2026 11:06

I don’t know if that’s always the case, I don’t drive and I go all over with my kids, my sister who does drive never leaves our city she actually told me if I did drive I’d stop taking my kids places as “driving is too tiring!”

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I've never ever heard of this hahahaha

HelloKittyFan · 04/05/2026 11:34

Youremyannie · 04/05/2026 11:27

I've never ever heard of this hahahaha

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Yeah maybe shes just strange then I thought it was an odd comment as surely you would want to take your kids more places but she insisted I wouldn’t as if I was the one driving i wouldnt be as bothered to travel as it’s too tiring apparently. I definitely take my kids more places than she does.

Flamingojune · 04/05/2026 11:43

Leilaandtheloggerheads · 16/09/2025 12:19

I don’t want to have to use initiative for a day out, I want to get there as fast and hassle free as possible. I certainly don’t want to be cycling at any time, let alone middle of winter! Nor waiting for buses or trains.

My next trip is hopefully the Scottish highlands. Wouldn’t even dream of doing that on public transport! There are definitely parts of that inaccessible by PT, and part of the draw is to be away from other people, not breathing in their germs 🤣

Plus by the time I’ve paid the ludicrous train fare, waited an hour for the delayed train and lugged my bike with me I’d be so depressed I wouldn’t enjoy the day lol.

Edited
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Scottish highlands amazing on public transport

FancyAnOlive · 04/05/2026 15:15

I failed my test 5 times after spending thousands on lessons. I tried for years. I am pretty sure I am autistic with ADHD and I think it is my neurodiversity that makes it so hard for me - it is to do with the way I process visual information I think. I can't work out which bit to attend to quickly enough. I feel it is linked to my superfast reading powers - I can read whole pages of text noticeably much faster than other people and it's because I can see big chunks of text all in one go - I don't read along the lines the way I think other people do.

I found it so, so stressful learning to drive and it was so liberating to just give up on the idea. It definitely means there are some things we can't do - I'm a single parent and so it means some holidays aren't possible, though I just work around it and we have interrrailed all over Europe and been to so many amazing places. I live in London with great public transport and for any trips that do need a car, Uber has been transformative. It makes me a bit sad when people judge non-drivers as you don't know why someone doesn't drive. I'm grateful if someone offers me a lift but I don't ask. I hardly know anyone with a car anyway these days in London though.

floraldreamer · 04/05/2026 20:47

Everythingwillbeokay · 15/09/2025 11:11

Those of you who can't run your lives without a car, what would you do if you couldn't drive anymore? Do people not think about this when they choose where to live? My DF is now 82 and thinking sbou stopping driving, he is worried about deteriorating eyesight. Fortunately he lives somewhere where he is well connected.

If you live in the sticks, where there aren't taxis etc, aren't you worried something might stop you driving? An accident, illness, old age?

Well that's a bit like saying 'What's the point in going anywhere, you only have to come back home'... If I couldn't drive for whatever reason or if something happens to me which means I no longer can, I will deal with that. But for now, I really would rather not be a non-driver. My life would be so stifled.

KimberleyClark · 05/05/2026 10:33

FancyAnOlive · 04/05/2026 15:15

I failed my test 5 times after spending thousands on lessons. I tried for years. I am pretty sure I am autistic with ADHD and I think it is my neurodiversity that makes it so hard for me - it is to do with the way I process visual information I think. I can't work out which bit to attend to quickly enough. I feel it is linked to my superfast reading powers - I can read whole pages of text noticeably much faster than other people and it's because I can see big chunks of text all in one go - I don't read along the lines the way I think other people do.

I found it so, so stressful learning to drive and it was so liberating to just give up on the idea. It definitely means there are some things we can't do - I'm a single parent and so it means some holidays aren't possible, though I just work around it and we have interrrailed all over Europe and been to so many amazing places. I live in London with great public transport and for any trips that do need a car, Uber has been transformative. It makes me a bit sad when people judge non-drivers as you don't know why someone doesn't drive. I'm grateful if someone offers me a lift but I don't ask. I hardly know anyone with a car anyway these days in London though.

I’m also pretty sure I have ADHD and possible autism and I also took years to learn to drive. I eventually passed on my 5th go. I think what made the difference was finding the right instructor. All my previous ones talked too much. This one didn’t say anything unless he needed to or to give directions. This helped my concentration and confidence no end.

Also, have you tried an automatic? Although I passed in a manual I have driven automatics for the past 20 years and it is so much easier and I would never go back.

YummyPieCrust · 05/05/2026 10:42

I work in a corporate space and closely with HR managers. People who don't drive are never viewed as serious or capable candidates. I'm not saying it's fair, or unfair, I'm just trying to demonstrate that it's not just other drivers that think not driving is self-limiting. The perceived limitations are shared within the hiring industry so have a knock on effect, I suppose, for the wider populations opinion.

CarbootJunction · 05/05/2026 10:49

I cannot fathom why any person woman wouldn't want to learn to drive. Both DM and DMIL rely on men to ferry them around, and sometimes that requires a degree of negotiation.
For future you, learn to drive. Even if you choose to use public transport for the next 20 years. The ability to drive means freedom.

KimberleyClark · 05/05/2026 10:50

YummyPieCrust · 05/05/2026 10:42

I work in a corporate space and closely with HR managers. People who don't drive are never viewed as serious or capable candidates. I'm not saying it's fair, or unfair, I'm just trying to demonstrate that it's not just other drivers that think not driving is self-limiting. The perceived limitations are shared within the hiring industry so have a knock on effect, I suppose, for the wider populations opinion.

That’s interesting. I used to travel to work on the bus for years, because DH and I had one car and it was easier for me to take the bus than him. But there was an assumption that I couldn’t drive, and some surprise when I corrected that assumption.

Shinyandnew1 · 05/05/2026 10:56

CarbootJunction · 05/05/2026 10:49

I cannot fathom why any person woman wouldn't want to learn to drive. Both DM and DMIL rely on men to ferry them around, and sometimes that requires a degree of negotiation.
For future you, learn to drive. Even if you choose to use public transport for the next 20 years. The ability to drive means freedom.

I have a number of friends whose mum/MIL law never learn to drive/don’t like to drive/don’t drive if they have to turn right/go in a scary road/use a roundabout etc and whose husbands have stopped driving or died so can no longer ferry them around. I expect you can guess who is being expected to do it now!