Comments because I don’t drive

[Waolom]

I’m 28. I don’t drive. I have no children. I do not mind the fact that I can’t drive one single bit. I enjoy sitting on public transport and switching off, listening to my music, I never ask anyone for a lift or to take me xyz place. In short, my inability to drive affects absolutely nobody but myself and I’m happy.

So why on earth do (some) drivers make it such a big deal and make comments when people can’t drive? I don’t ever ask for lifts so it just frustrates me when people comment on it as if I’m putting them out. I’m not.
AIBU to be fed up of these comments?

Quite possibly. But if it's such an emergency that I can't walk/use public transport/get a bus then presumably its the kind of emergency where I wouldn't be able to drive either.
Sometimes drivers also have emergencies and need other drivers to help them out.

And yes you could "repay the favour" by giving them a lift another time if needed. But I could repay it in a different way if needed.

Somehow, I and my 3 siblings turned out not too badly, considering our parents didn't have a car. Although we do have a car, my children always walked everywhere and are none the worse for it

People who drive believe it is essential, because they have built their life around being able to drive (understandably). If you don't drive, you build your life around other transport methods.

When I worked, I chose jobs I could walk or get a bus to. I am now a sahm to two preschoolers. We dont have 'excellent' public transport but it is enough to manage (local bus is once an hour, or 20 minute walk to a more frequent one). I took the kids on a 4 buses round trip today to visit a friend, yes it takes longer and I need to be strict with timekeeping but it is manageable. There are places I can't get to without a car, so I dont go to them.

To be honest I wish did drive and I can find it frustrating, but my anxiety and poor spatial awareness makes me feel unsafe as a driver.

I’m not saying I agree with it, but I suspect it’s because you are opting out of a life skill that can and does serve others in the grand scheme of things.
If anything happens - a medical emergency, any need for immediate action, a family event out of public transport zones, the list goes on - you are abdicating any responsibility to be a person to rely on.
Also, if/when you do settle down and/or have a family, you are leaving all of the driving responsibilities to your other half - it’s REALLY hard to parent without one of you being a driver.

So, atm, YOU don’t need to drive. That’s great. Fill your boots. But recognise that it’s a life skill that is by and large always needed at some point in one’s life, and you are opting to shrug that responsibility off.

In summary, even if you don’t feel you NEED to drive, it’s a bit selfish to choose not to learn.

What a load of nonsense. @Waolom isn't selfish for not driving, and neither are any other non-drivers. As for it being hard to parent without a car, my parents managed perfectly well. While we do have a car and both drive, I can't think of a single time when we drove somewhere for the benefit of the children. They walked to school and scouts and to anywhere else, like to weekly swimming lessons after school, only 1.5 miles away and infinitely better than battling traffic. As for it being irresponsible to opt not to drive, don't be ridiculous.

I have commented a lot on this thread because I have found that throughout life this situation has come up for me a lot and I find it quite interesting.

I wasn't ever really given the option to not drive? Is that maybe an upbringing thing. Driving lessons were got for your 17th birthday whether you wanted them or not. I was actually a late starter because I just wasn't interested and moved away to University before I had got anywhere near passing, I was a little immature and didn't want to learn to drive. But, a couple of years later I did it my own way. I was rebelling I guess, wanted to do it when I wanted to, but for other people in my family they did it the moment they were of age. I like to be independent.

I have a friend who visits me often and is always dropped off by her other friend. It's a 2 hour journey. Her friend also picks her up after the weekend. My friend says that this is fine as she does a lot for her in return. I wouldn't like that, I would feel burdensome.

But without that lift, if my friend wanted to visit me for the weekend she'd have to take a bus to her nearest city (they run on the hour which is fine, I guess) then a train from there to my nearest city then an uber from there (she could train it to my nearest station but the cost of that versus an uber is a matter of a few £ and then she'd still need an uber to my house anyway). That would take up half the day at least. I guess that's what driving is for me mainly, a time-saver.

I don't however, think of cars as anything other than that. Perhaps if I was hugely wealthy this would change but to me they're a depreciating asset and I wouldn't ever choose a top of the range one, I just want a reliable mode of transport.

I can drive, have a driving licence but simply couldn't afford to either fix my car or buy a new one. I walk over a 3 mile round trip to work and back and I actually enjoy it as it allows me to decompress from a stressful day/environment. I don't ask for lifts, sometimes people offer and I always decline as I'd feel awkward. Also walking is free and good exercise. I have 2 kids who are able to walk/cycle to school with me and we've survived perfectly well.

I love the sound of this, and it is nice that you have such a pleasant walk to work, but with most jobs I have had it would involve clothes that were simply not practical for walking! I used to walk to work at one office job I had but all I remember about it is awful weather and breathing in fumes and dodging traffic. I'd have to carry a bag with a change of clothes and it just became too much like hard work. A colleague of mine used to run home, we did quite long hours and it meant we were exercising but nowadays I prefer to WFH and fit my exercise in by driving to and from a gym at my leisure. I guess I got lazier in my old age although I do exercise more now I am not as knacked.

I work 12 or 14hr days. I get changed at work as we can't go to work in our uniform due to infection control. Awful weather isn't a problem for me as my children and I have weather appropriate clothing. I have a backpack to take all of my clothes/belongings. I've never come across an issue with "breathing in fumes" so I'm unable to relate to that. Also dodging traffic isn't a concern as I know how to cross roads sensibly and safely.

Some people do come away with the most ludicrous, outlandish, and cheesy excuses and reasons to justify their point of view at times.

As pp have pointed out, if it is an emergency, likely one shouldn’t be behind the wheel
in the first place and/or an ambulance would get there faster because drivers would have to move for it and other drivers would not be mind readers and know you are in the middle of an emergency if you’re driving in your car.

I don’t drive and have three kids, live in a town with two trains stations. The nearest shop is a five minute walk. My son’s school is 7 minutes. When he goes to secondary, school is max 10 minute walk:, daughter’s future school is 4 minutes the opposite way. I have five shops under 20 min walk away ( one being an M&S food and a big Tesco. Any activities middle wants to do including holiday clubs are under 20 min walk. GP and dentist are about a 15 min walk. Town center and library, 20 minutes walk. I can easily say I have been in the car less than 10 times so far this year

It should also be repeated that anyone can lose the ability to drive at anytime in their life and would have to go about life the same way that those of us who don’t or can’t do.

I can say that life wouldn’t change much if DH couldn’t drive anymore. He would be bummed because he loves to drive. The kids probably wouldn’t be as fussed because they enjoy and are used to walking and public transport especially now that they can use their scooters and bikes.

I do the shopping, take clothes to the laundromat, take kids to appointments, school run, take kids to activities and all the things other parents do, I just walk and sometimes take public transport to get there. My icandy orange pram is my “car”. I’ve had it for over 8 years. I’ve carried bags of compost and plants from the garden centre in it. Easier to clean out than DH’s car.

I don't know if that's aimed at me as I was quoted but I'm unsure what you mean (probably me being thick 😂)

Agreeing with you, my dear.

What about my post was citing excuses?

I know how to navigate traffic of course, I just found it to be a very unpleasant method of getting to work personally, and said I was glad that the poster I quoted did not.

Trying way, way too hard here. It's as if you need to convince yourself...

I think it depends where you live and what work you do. Most of my friends and colleagues here in London own a car, but they all use public transport or cycling to commute, and if they’re heading in to town for a concert or non-grocery shopping they tend to use the bus or train for that too. I get all our groceries by walking to a supermarket half a mile away, although DH and I each own a car, we only use them for journeys when a car is necessary and that’s normal round here. In contrast, my parents live in a rural village and use the car for pretty much everything.

I think @Northernlights19 simply talks good sense. Nothing ludicrous, outlandish or cheesy about it.

Not trying, just my reality. I haven’t driven a car in over 15 years. I have only ever had a learners permit. I grew up in a place with great transport, moved to a major city, moved back to where I grew up to help my family before moving to the UK and where I lived driving wasn’t necessary nor where I live now.

I know not everyone lives the same way and plenty of people either love to drive, do it out of necessity or both, I just disagree that people should be frowned upon for not doing so if it doesn’t heavily impact anyone else and/or their families are content with that.

People moan about how much traffic there is in one breath and then want to tell other people they are ridiculous for not driving if they don’t have to. From what I’ve seen just from walking and the few times I’ve been a passenger, there are way too many people who shouldn’t be on the road at all and are a danger to everyone.

People will always have an opinion.

I kind of am in the camp of, if you can learn to drive and it's beneficial to life the go ahead and do it.

I've only ever had 3 driving lessons, which from memory were a goddamn disaster (thank you anxiety and undiagnosed ADHD 😳🫠) and never took it up again after that. Tbh with how poor my memory and attention are (and add to that the anxiety and panic attacks that would make me a danger) I was never going to pass or drive. As it is now I absolutely know I wouldn't pass a test as a)my memory is so poor I would not remember enough t pass a theory test let alone a practical.

Neither of which I could do anyway as last time I applied the DVLA revoked my provisional on medical grounds. 🤷🏻‍♀️

My bf also gets judged for being in his late 30s and not being able to drive. But what most people (unless close to him) don't know is that actually he's blind and registered severely sight impaired so he's never going to be able to bloody drive 😩

@SunConure So it annoys you when someone doesn't drive. Does it also annoy you when someone drives when you think they shouldn't be on the roads?

Many people hold a licence and can't afford to keep a car. I can't see how it's 'abdicating responsibility', as someone said upthread, if you haven't got thousands of pounds to spare to buy and run a car, pay tax and insurance, pay for repairs etc. Times are hard, keeping a roof over your head and paying bills are the priorities. What I spend on taxis in a year wouldn't put four new tyres on a car, let alone anything else.

Sometimes they have experience of non drivers wanting lifts. Which they see as tantamount to going out to dinner with them and them saying "Oh sorry, I don't pay for meals".
Sometimes you get these comments despite never ever accepting lifts. In these cases its because the person doesn't like driving themselves and resents that you don't do something they have to.

Well we clearly disagree, but that doesn’t mean I’m writing nonsense. We have differing perspectives and that’s OK.

If it's an emergency then they may not be in a fit state to drive anyway.

What sort of workplace requires that you wear clothes you couldn't walk in?